Tag: christianbrand

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Societal enables people to connect with one another online through this time of international crisis

Societal is inspired by a passion for all things creative

We’re living through a time of international crisis. Our systems are falling apart, we’re being separated from friends and loved ones, frightened and unsure as to how life may be about to unfold. “Reality” seems to stagger from one disturbing scenario to another. Information and advice keep changing – nothing holds fast, but the idea that everything is going dreadfully wrong. But if there is a silver lining in this crisis, it could be that the virus is forcing us to use the internet as it was always meant to be used – to connect with one another, share information and come up with collective solutions to vital problems.

Launched in March 2020, Societal’s (https://societal.co/) sole purpose is to connect people and allow people to share their thoughts with a big audience.

Societal website administrator Dean Jones a former Central St Martins College of Art & Design postgraduate said, ‘One of the most disastrous months in the history of global medicine and global economics has ended with country after country retreating into their national silos. They are fighting their own individual battles against coronavirus and in their own way, but we must work together. Like it or not the Coronavirus Crisis is showing us how to live online and hopefully Societal can help people with that.’

The new Social Network follows a UK government announcement that everyone should only go outside for food, health reasons or work (where this absolutely cannot be done from home).

Jones hopes his digital platform will help create connections, not conflict in this time of uncertainty.

Jones said further ‘As we isolate ourselves at home to protect our health and our neighbours, we still need each other. Societal means that even in this time when we are physically apart, we can still connect with our friends.”

The Core Principles of Societal are-

  • Respect.
  • Justice/Fairness.
  • Honesty.
  • Service/Giving Back/Contribution.
  • Responsibility.
  • Family.
  • Community.

Societal is trying to shift the paradigm. In a web full of pseudo thought-leaders, Societal promises to be place that people from all walks of life can rely on and cater to those looking for fresh, new, authentic voices and believe wholeheartedly in community. Societal offers free accounts and doesn’t serve ads.

Jones has launched a kickstarter page in order to support this worthwhile project https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/deanjones/societal

Press release distributed by Pressat on behalf of Societal, on Thursday 26 March, 2020. For more information follow https://pressat.co.uk/

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Finding the Correct Source for Answers

We spend a lot of time finding the right source to get the answers we need. 

It’s a process of elimination until we finally realize that we’re in the right place, just talking to the wrong person or people.  It’s like a puzzle: We have all the right pieces around us, but only one fits the place where we are starting the journey to complete the puzzle. 

This was the case for me recently. I headed to the local hardware store to replace a broken piece on my trimmer.  The first person to help me wasn’t really that helpful. We looked for the replacement part, couldn’t find it, and he decided to remove a part from a demo and give it to me. Was it the part? Yes. But I didn’t want it that way. I think he figured he was giving me a hookup when it was really stealing. I couldn’t walk out of the store with it.  I placed the piece back on the shelf as he walked away, and I purchased another piece. 

That piece didn’t fit either. Sigh. We returned to the store and asked for help again. Here comes the manager. I explained to him what I was looking for and in a few seconds, he showed me exactly where it was! I was stunned. The previous employee was standing right in front of it and neither of us saw it!  

What was my error? 

I only considered ONE source and when that failed, I didn’t seek out another source. In the Bible, Proverbs 15: 22 states, “…Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors, they are established.” The text explains that without the assistance, we’re going to be frustrated, but with multiple sources, we have more chances at achieving our goals.

If you’re wondering why you haven’t found answers to your problems it might be because you’re simply talking to the wrong people! Or the wrong Christians!  We’re all part of the Body of Christ, but we all serve different purposes! (1 Cor. 12)  So how do we complete our puzzle? 

1. Pray over your problem. Ask God to send you the right person to help you. 

2. Keep asking questions. God loves it when you come to him FIRST before going solo.  Sometimes it’s a process to get you where you need to be but you learn a lesson along the way. 

3. Remain calm, don’t get frustrated. The moment your emotions take hold you’re going to make mistakes. Keep a sound mind so that you can hear God’s instructions. 

In the end, I did get the piece and finished my yard work.  Remember, it begins with Christ, and he will get you where you need to be if you trust him. 

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I’m White, Privileged With a Message on Racism That The World Is Missing

Racism is a pretty controversial topic, especially in the world we live in today. Among Christians, things can get especially dicey, as the rest of the world’s eyes are just staring and waiting for us to make a mistake.

Remember in Matthew 22:39 when Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself?” Right there, the Bible is directly telling us that to loathe someone based solely on the color of their skin, is a sin. But I didn’t always understand that.

It’s easier to admit to sin when everybody else has done it, but here I am today doing something that’s far from easy; I struggled to love my neighbor as myself. It wasn’t how I was raised, but the environments I was around in every single job situation planted seeds of hate into my heart. I pushed away when God started to deal with me about it. I’d say things like, “I’m not racist. I have diversity in my life. I’m not a hater.”

Yet all the while, I wouldn’t speak up when my coworkers at a freelance writing gig would tell racist jokes, sometimes I’d even play along just because “everybody else was doing it.” I worked for almost eight months for an internet political publication; an environment that was toxic waste disguised as candy. Some of the articles I was assigned to write were satirical and entertaining, but then there was a vast majority that I was told to write, that made ugly and cringy remarks about other races, cultures, and people in general in ways I wasn’t comfortable doing. But like an idiot, I didn’t refuse to do the work; I played along in hopes of gaining everybody’s favor.

After a while, all the jokes and satirical remarks started to become more than just horseplay; I started to really believe the things I was being told and dwelled on how much I didn’t like people who weren’t like me. Still, when God would deal with me about it, I would shove it off and say that “I just wasn’t like that.” That it was all fun and games. I was living a lie.

Eventually, the publication went out of business, and I went on to pursue other writing opportunities. I was upset at the time, but now I thank God that he took me away from all that stress.

It was at a church conference that God started to deal with me again. I realized that though I wasn’t as “extreme” as people you might see online, I was enabling it, writing and promoting it, and thinking those thoughts. God told me that he did not call me to be a hater, and during the altar call I ran, fell to my knees and poured my heart out to Him and told him how sorry I was. I know that He has forgiven me, and restored me to a place of love rather than hate.

I’m telling you all of this because I know I’m not the only one who has struggled in this area. I didn’t like the person I let the world turn me into, and God didn’t either. God has commanded us to love, not hate.

Today I am not the same person I was when I began my pursuit of writing. God took away the ugly sin and created a beautiful testimony; one that I will not shy away from. Am I ashamed of all the ugly things I published during my first writing gig? Absolutely. But it is a reminder of who I was before God totally transformed my mindset. I am no longer addicted to outrage, hatred is not in my heart; instead, God’s love has completely and totally transformed me.

God wants to deal with you about some stuff too; stuff that may not necessarily be easy to admit to yourself that you’ve done. But once you’re honest with both yourself and God, and ask for His forgiveness, it will radically change your life.

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Why Followers of Jesus Should Care About Fair Trade

A year ago, I was actively involved in the oppression and enslavement of men, women, and children around the world. Every day, decisions that I made and money I mindlessly spent supported evil businessman that used people in desperate situations to get rich. And I had no idea.

One fall afternoon I was looking for something to watch on Netflix and began streaming the film  The True Cost. What I saw over the next hour and a half incited feelings of nausea, devastation, and rage. And the way I view clothes has not been the same ever since.

The film gives an overview of the fashion industry, and how the majority of clothes around the world are produced. They interviewed actual factory workers who told of their experiences. One woman’s story, in particular, chilled me to the bone. She told of how she tried to unionize for fairer pay, as most garment workers make roughly $2 per day. Due to her request, she and her coworkers were locked in a room, beaten, struck with scissors, and forced to continue working. As she told her story, choking back tears, she cried, “I don’t want people to wear clothes that were made with our blood.”

This is a normal occurrence around the world in garment factories and cotton farms. Children are forced out of school to pick cotton in brutal conditions. People are forced to work in dangerous conditions for little to no money.  

On the other side of the globe, we are fueling this horrible industry. We buy clothes as a hobby, and we never have enough. We trample people for the best Black Friday deals, as if the stuff we can buy is more important than the people around us, and the people making these items for us to purchase.  

Google “Rana Plaza Collapse”. Rana Plaza was a building that housed multiple garment factories in Bangladesh. The factory owners received several warnings about the structural integrity of the building, as large cracks in the building were discovered. Regardless, the garment factory bosses ordered their workers to continue coming to work.  It collapsed in 2013, killing 1,134 people and injuring thousands more.    Many companies were having clothes made in these factories, including J.C. Penney, Walmart, The Children’s Place, Primark, Zara, and more.  

Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

Injustice and oppression are the driving forces of much of the clothing industry. Let’s refuse to turn a blind eye to this. Instead, let’s commit to seek justice and defend the oppressed. Here are a few steps that I have found helpful in this journey:

1.  Buy less.  How many clothes do you  actually  need? Most people around the world, outside of North America and Europe, have a minimal number of outfits if they have more than one. I’m not saying get rid of all your clothes and become a minimalist. But before you buy your fourth pair of black shoes or your seventh blue t-shirt, ask yourself, “Do I  really  need this?”

2.  Buy Fair-Trade.  Clothes that are certified Fair-Trade ensure that people are treated well. By buying these clothes, you can actually support the garment worker themselves, and allow them to continue their craft.

3.  Find a few companies that are committed to treating people well, and become a committed customer.  A few that I have started shopping at are Everlane, Krochet Kids International, Pact, and Oliberte.  

This may be all new for you, and you are processing the devastating reality of the clothing industry. If you are coming to grips with this reality, I encourage you to commit to the charge of Isaiah 1:17. Seek justice. Defend the oppressed.

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God’s Secret of Dealing With a Mean Boss

God's Secret of Dealing With a Mean Boss

Before I knew this secret I dealt with mean bosses in one of these ways:

  • Arguing back.
  • Complaining about them to coworkers.
  • Finding ways to work less.
  • Quitting the job”¦only to find that they were in the next job in another person’s body!
  • And yes”¦indirectly telling them I would love to punch them in the face after work.

I’m not proud of this. But that was before I knew the secret. When I learned the secret, it revolutionized my life. This secret made every obnoxious boss putty in my hand. I will warn you: this secret will forever change you.

If you think you’re ready for it”¦keep reading.

Jesus Hinted at the Secret

Jesus knew how powerful the secret was”¦and yet He only glossed over it. He didn’t delve into it. He didn’t elaborate on it. He just threw it out in the middle of a conversation:

And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. (Matthew 5:41 NKJV)

He knew everybody wouldn’t want it – so He made it available to those that did.

Before I tell you more, please understand this: You can’t change your boss.  You’re not supposed to. You’re supposed to change you, and as you change so will your boss. Until I understood that I could not find the secret and you won’t until you do.

So what is the secret?

It’s simple: going  the extra mile.

When Jesus shared the secret, He related it to an oppressive custom of the day.

It originated with the Persian government and was later adopted by the Roman government. Under this custom, the king’s messengers had the power to take horses, camels, and men into service against their will. Couriers and messengers were staged in specific locations by the king; if someone were to pass the location the courier rushed out and “compelled” them into service.

Simone of Cyrene was later “compelled” into helping Jesus with His cross.

Rather than quarrel and complain about the treatment Jesus advised otherwise: don’t just comply with the request but exceed expectations in a spirit of love and service. And that’s what I did:

  • If she asked me to do four things I did eight
  • If she asked me to have something done by 1:30 pm I had it finished before lunch!
  • If she needed something done in 20 minutes I did it in 10!

And I did it all with a smile on my face!

Little by little her gruff exterior towards me (I can’t vouch for anyone else) softened, and my influence with her grew. I changed my response to the problem”¦and ended up changing the problem!

The Benefits of the Secret

  • You benefit by the law of comparison.  Most people don’t go the extra mile. They go the first mile and complain all the way there! Some don’t even finish the first mile! When you go the extra mile the spotlight of attention shines favorably on you. And after a while, you soon become indispensable to those around you”¦especially superiors”¦and indispensable employees are always paid more than dispensable ones!
  • You develop greater leadership qualities.  Going the extra develops the habit of the personal initiative–a trait necessary for ANY kind of leadership. As you employ the extra mile your brain looks for more ways to become helpful. Soon you stop waiting for people to tell you what to do–you just do it. You no longer wait for things to happen, you make them happen!
  • God makes sure you’re compensated fairly.  At the end of the day whether we’re salaried or self-employed: we write our own checks! We do this with the service we give to a boss, company, or clients. But even though we write our checks, God is still the Boss. And if the Boss sees you going above and beyond, you can know that He’ll reward you fully.

What do you think? Are there any other benefits of using this secret? What has been your experience with it been?

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A Prayer for My Stressed-Out, Hardworking Husband

A Prayer for My Stressed-Out, Hardworking Husband

No one gets a free pass from stressful times. As Christians, prayer and the Scriptures are our greatest weapons against this stress epidemic.

Father,

I praise You for my husband, Your unique creation. Please guard his heart and mind, Jesus. Protect him from temptation and fill him up with the good things he needs. You’ve promised to fill his soul with what he needs and I ask You to do just that.

You are the God of peace, Who heals all our ailments and cares for all those that love and trust You. Lord, You know the many pressures my dear husband has been facing, from both his work and from the family, and Father, I am concerned that it seems to be affecting his health. Lord, this additional stress seems to be making my husband irritable and I know that he is finding it increasingly difficult to sleep at night.

I know that You care about each of Your children and are interested in every area of our lives – and so I pray that You would ease the stress and pressure that seems to be mounting up in our lives and quickly remove it, and please Lord, help my husband to rest in You and to cast all His care upon You, day by day.

Lord, I pray that You would bless my husband’s work. That he would be diligent and prosperous. That You would give him wisdom and discernment. God, I pray You would give him the strength to walk the opportunities you provide.

Thank You, Lord for being there for us and I pray that You would hold us both in Your arms of love,

In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Bible Verses to Combat Anxiety and Stress

“I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.” (Psalm 4:8, NLT)”

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)”

“I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27, NLT)”

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. (2 Thessalonians 3:16, ESV)”

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4, ESV)”

 

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Should I Do Yoga if I am a Christian?

Recently I’ve been on a spiritual journey that includes deep prayer, meditation, and mindfulness to help me to connect with God. At the same time, I’ve also been on the hunt for some low-impact stretching that could potentially help with chronic pain in a natural way.

Meditation and stretching. Put those two together and what do you get?

Yoga.

So, I’ve said I need to stretch. And I find that meditation brings me closer to God. These all naturally come together in the form of yoga. But, as a Christian, should I do yoga? Am I allowed? Will Jesus love me less?

Well, first, let’s see”¦what does the Bible say about the word “yoga”? Nothing. Zero. There’s no record of that word being used.

So now what do I do? Since the Bible doesn’t talk about yoga specifically, I have to use the brains God gave me to dig a bit deeper. Then I can determine how best to deal with this current cultural trend.

Let’s start with a few of the basics:

Yoga began as a spiritual disciple in Hindu which includes breath control, meditation, and static postures of the body. Some people who practice yoga are active Hindus or Buddhists. Many are not.
In the western world, yoga is a broad term that is often descriptive of people engaging in the physical body postures that encourage strength and stamina. Sometimes this is combined with meditation for mental strength, but not exclusively. Some yoga classes used sacred words such as “Om”, “Namaste”, and certain chants that hint to Buddhism and Hinduism. Other classes make no reference to the spiritual world at all and are simply a form of physical exercise. Yoga potures have Sanskrit names that have spiritual meanings. Many times these are replaced with English names that simply describe the form the body is taking. (For instance, “lotus” has become “criss-cross applesauce”.)

The word “yoga” in Sanskrit means “yoke” or “union with God”. God tells me to not worship another god, and I must obey.

So I know that yoga started as an ancient spiritual practice of another religion which should lead me to move forward with caution. But I also know that Jesus came to redeem all things.

Is it possible to engage in a moderated form of yoga that feeds our Christian souls, or should we avoid it altogether? Can we be aware of the potential pitfalls and dangers of the spiritual side of yoga and then practice it in a meaningful way with a Christian bent and attitude?

The famous American minister John Piper seems to think that we can’t. He says we should avoid yoga completely, citing it as antithetical to Christianity.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Piper has some good things to offer. But in this situation I tend to think that maybe he’s throwing the proverbial “baby out with the bathwater”.

Christians have often taken “secular” symbols or practices and re-stored them into something that is healthy and even God-glorifying. Take Christmas, for example. December 25, the day on which we now celebrate Jesus’ birth, was reclaimed from the pagans. That date was redeemed from a pagan holiday to a Christian celebration.

Jesus has come to redeem all things. Even pagan holidays. Possibly even stretching and meditation and breathing?

Over the ages, Christians have used wisdom and the discernment to choose what is right for them as individuals and as a Body of believers. To apply Jesus’ redemption to various non-Christian things.

“Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.” 1 Corinthians 10:23

So I need to decide if yoga could be beneficial (or detrimental) to me. In my case, I truly believe God has given me the wisdom and discernment to be able to stretch and strengthen my body without accidentally worshipping a false god. I even believe that I can meditate and breathe while I simultaneously reflect and contemplate how incredible God is. All without slipping into the devil’s snare.

But I am aware that this may not be the case for all people.

Personally, think that I can apply the idea of a “yoke” or “union with God” in yoga to my relationship with Christ. But that doesn’t mean I’ll just sign up for any yoga class that is offered. I need to be wise and first ask questions about how spiritual a class is before taking it. For my own purposes, I tend to learn at home with videos, so there’s not much of a risk of me getting caught in an awkward situation. If something gets a little weird, I can just turn it off.

Holy Yoga is a practice that is gaining traction, offering the grounding of the Gospel while reframing the positive aspects of yoga in a Christian way.

“Holy Yoga embraces the essential elements of yoga: breath work, meditation and physical postures. In all of these elements, Christ is the focus of our intention and worship.”

So as I‘m making a decision about yoga (or anything in my life!), I need to ask if it creates a risk of becoming a detriment to my walk with Jesus. If so, then I absolutely shouldn’t do it! But if yoga can be practiced in a way that is healthy to my body and mind, while drawing me closer to Christ with mindfulness and meditation, then is it possible that even John Piper can’t argue with that?

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Britain Is No Longer a Christian Country and Should be Systematically de-Christianized, Panel Said

London Mayor Boris Johnson has said £1.3tn of investment is needed over the next 35 years in order for London to retain its world class status

LONDON — Nearly two years ago, the “Commission on Religion and Belief in British Public Life” published a report on the role of religion in society. The paper made it clear that Britain is no longer a Christian country in any meaningful sense and should be systematically de-Christianized due to the decline of church-going and the rise of Islam and other beliefs.

Britain Is No Longer A Christian Country

The commission has attracted particular controversy because of the authority of those behind it. Patrons include Rowan Williams, the former Archbishop of Canterbury; Lord Woolf, the former chief justice; and Sir Iqbal Sacranie, the former general secretary of the Muslim Council of Britain.

“Britain is no longer a Christian country and should stop acting as if it is, a major inquiry into the place of religion in modern society concluded in 2015, provoking a furious backlash from ministers and the Church of England.”

The report triggered a argument as it was condemned by cabinet ministers as “seriously misguided,” while the Church of England said it appeared to have been “hijacked” by humanists.

Remarkably, the overall decline of religion in Britain has coincided with the arrival of three million migrants who tend to have more religious belief than British Christians. In particular, the visual impact of Islam, most obviously expressed in the proposal for a 9,000-capacity ‘super-mosque’ in east London that was rejected by planners about 18 months ago, might give the impression that migration has brought a religious revival to Britain.

You Can’t Throw the Baby Out With the Bathwater

Inevitably, the question of what is to be done about our national Christian institutions will soon arise. Is it appropriate that we are still invited to swear on the Bible in court?

Down The Inquiry Rabbit Hole

The Commission on Religion and Belief in Public Life document said that faith schools are “socially divisive” and the selection of children on the basis of their beliefs should be phased out. The report claimed that the number of Church of England bishops in the Lords should be replaced with imams, rabbis and other non-other non-Christian clerics as well as evangelical pastors. The report also backde moves to cut the number of Church of England bishops in the Lords and give places to imams, rabbis and other non-other non-Christian clerics as well as evangelical pastors. It also recommended that the coronation service for the monarch ought to be overhauled to include other faiths and that thought for the Day on BBC Radio 4’s should include non-religious messages. And it recommended new protections for women in Sharia courts and other religious tribunals — including a call for the government to consider requiring couples who have a non-legally binding religious marriage also to have a civil registration. Most controversially, perhaps, the report also called for a rethink of anti-terror policy, including allowing students to voice radical views on campus without fear of being reported to the security services.

Some will find this sad, others as a sign of progress, but the greater majority will view it with indifference.

Educating The Public

Given all that, why do Christians in the country have so much political and educational power?

“England has an established Church. Its bishops sit in the House of Lords. The Queen is both head of state and also supreme governor of the Church of England. One of the monarch’s titles is Defender of the Faith.”

Because of this, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has told the Daily Telegraph that claims the UK was not a Christian country ignored “both historical and constitutional reality”, its not fact.  The Bible features heavily in the architecture and decoration of the Houses of Parliament, paying silent tribute to its significance in English jurisprudence. Most British law is ultimately derived from the codes of law within the Bible, of which the Ten Commandments is pre-eminent.

“The Equality of All People Before The Law is Another of The Bibles Legacies.”

In short the social institutions and safeguards, as well as many of the benefits people take for granted, were supported by the understanding of human life which was found within the Bible. In this sense, the foundations of Britain’s culture and society can truly be said to be biblical.

The report is dominated by the old-fashioned view that traditional religion is declining in importance and that non-adherence to a religion is the same as humanism or secularism.

Today, as people are facing ever more clearly the perceived threats of global war, the Bible, with its vision of man’s position within creation and responsibility under God to care properly for it, still has a major contribution to make to the future of all humankind.

 

 

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6 Toxic Behaviors That Push People Away: How To Recognize Them In Yourself and Change Them

Sin - exceedingly sinful

In my line of work, I hear from hundreds of people a month, and connect with professionals in a more public, open way than ever before. Through this experience, I’ve seen scores of toxic behaviors that push people away (including me). And I’ve witnessed the damage these behaviors cause – to relationships, professional success, and to the well-being of both the individual behaving negatively, and to everyone around him or her.

Let’s be real – we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another (none of us are immune to it), but many people are more evolved, balanced, and aware, and it happens only rarely in their lives.

Whether your toxic behavior is a common occurrence, or once in a blue moon, it’s critical for your happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re behaving badly, and shift it when it emerges.

The 6 most toxic behaviors I see every day are:

Taking everything personally

In the powerful little book  The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz talks about the importance of taking nothing personally. I teach this in my  coaching programs  and my book  Breakdown, Breakthrough  as well, and there is so much pushback. “Really, Kathy – don’t take  anything  personally?”

People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything that happens in life is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. The reality is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their filters, and their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, it’s more about them. I’m not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback. I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally when it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of others’ good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide. So yes – don’t take anything personally.

Obsessing about negative thoughts

It’s very hard to be around people who can’t or won’t let go of negativity – when they dwell on and speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the slights they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life. These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what’s transpiring. Pessimism is one thing – but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another. Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a skewed way of thinking and living, and  you can change that.

Treating yourself like a victim

Another toxic behavior is non-stop complaining that fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no influence on the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck and small. Working as a therapist with people who’ve suffered terrible trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it all around, I know that we have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we initially believe. When you stop whining, and refuse to see yourself as a hapless victim of fate, chance or discrimination, then you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept that reality.

Cruelty – lacking in empathy or putting yourself in others shoes

One of the most toxic and damaging behaviors – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly cruel and destructive to others just because they can. They tear people down online but in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a weapon. Cruelty, backstabbing, and ripping someone to shreds is toxic, and it hurts you as well as your target. I had a powerful learning experience about this a few years ago. I came into the house one day in a nasty mood, and shared a mean, sniping comment to my husband about the way a neighbor was parenting her child through one of his problem phases. In less than 24 hours, that very same issue the parent was dealing with came home to roost in my house, with my child. It was as if the Universe sent me the message that, “Ah, if you want to be cruel and demeaning about someone, we’ll give you the same experience you’ve judged so negatively, so you can learn some compassion.” And I did.

If you find yourself backstabbing and tearing someone else down, stop in your tracks. Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, and realize that we’re all the same.

Excessive reactivity

An inability to manage your emotions is toxic to everyone around you. We all know these people – men and women who explode over the smallest hiccup or problem. Yelling at the bank teller for the long line, screaming at your assistant for the power point error he made, or losing it with your child for spilling milk on the floor. If you find that you’re overly reactive, losing it at every turn, you need some outside assistance to help you gain control over your emotions and understand what’s at the root of your emotionality. There’s more to it that appears on the surface. An outside perspective – and a new kind of support – is critical.

Needing constant validation

Finally, people who constantly strive for validation and self-esteem by obsessing about achieving outward measures of success, are exhausting to be around. Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over, and constantly want to “win” over their colleagues or peers, are toxic and draining.

Overly-attaching to how things have to look and be, and to achieving certain milestones and accomplishments rather than going with life in a more flexible, easy manner, can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down . There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve or fail at today. It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning and applying, how you’re helping others, and the growing process you allow yourself to engage in.

Stop stressing over the particular outcomes like, “I need that promotion now!” or “My house has to be bigger and more beautiful than my neighbor’s.” Your desperate need to prove your success and build your self-esteem through outer measures of success is (sadly) apparent to everyone but you, and it’s pushing away the very happiness outcomes you’re longing for.

To build a happier, more rewarding career,  work with me, join my  The Amazing Career Project  video training, and watch my TEDx Talk “Time to Brave Up.”  

Original Post Link  https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20140620200646-17850276-6-toxic-behaviors-that-push-people-away-how-to-recognize-them-in-yourself-and-change-them/

Republished with permission from Kathy Caprino,

Kathy Caprino, M.A. is a women’s career and personal growth coach, writer, speaker and leadership developer dedicated to the advancement of women worldwide. A former corporate VP and trained family therapist, Kathy offers career and leadership consulting and personal development training programs, keynotes, her Amazing Career Project online course, the Amazing Career Coach Certification program, and workshops that help women “brave up” to dig deep, discover their true self, and illuminate the world with it.  

Founder/President of Ellia Communications — a premier women’s coaching firm — and the co-Founder of the Best Work/Best Life weekly podcast, Kathy is a seasoned coach and sought-after speaker as well as Forbes Leadership, Huffington Post and LinkedIn contributor and a top media source on career and leadership issues. She’s appeared in hundreds of leading publications (including Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Chicago Tribune, Business Week, Forbes, More Magazine, SELF, etc.) and on national TV and radio.  

Ellia Communications offers a wide range of programs, workshops, classes and resources designed to help women break through to the highest level of success, happiness, and reward. Visit http://kathycaprino.com and http://www.amazingcareerproject.com for more.  

Kathy’s book Breakdown Breakthrough, based on her national research study, explores the top 12 crises working women face today, and offers inspiring stories of women’s career transformation, and a 3-step holistic model for overcoming these challenges.

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Poem: The Unravelling of a Christian Marriage

Marry the wrong person, everyday is Martyrs Day.
Marry a lazy person, everyday is Labour Day.
Marry a rich person everyday is New Year’s Day.
Marry an immature person, everyday would seem like Children’s Day.
Marry a cheater or liar, everyday will become April Fool’s Day.
And if you don’t get married, everyday is Independence Day!

Marriage is the only school where you get a certificate before you start.
It’s also a school where you will never graduate.
It’s a school without a break or a free period.
It’s a school where no one is allowed to drop out.
It’s a school you will have to attend everyday of your life.
It’s a school where there is no sick leave or holidays.
It’s a school founded by God on the foundation of love.
The walls are made out of trust.
The door made out of acceptance.
The windows made out of understanding
The furniture made out of blessings
The roof made out of faith.

Be reminded that God is the only Principal and you are a student,
Even in times of storms, don’t be unwise and run outside.
Keep in mind that, this school is the safest place to be.
Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day.
Never forget  to communicate with your classmate and with the Principal.
If you find out something about your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate.
Remember your classmate is also just a student, not a graduate.
God is not finished with him/her yet.
So take it as a challenge and work on it together.
Do not forget to study the Holy Book (the main textbook of this school).
Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way.

Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to.
When tempted to quit find courage and continue.
Some tests and exams may be tough but remember,
the Principal knows how much you can bear and yet it’s a school better than any other.

It’s one of the best schools on earth;
joy, peace and happiness accompany each lesson of the day.

Different subjects are offered in this school, yet love is the major subject.
After all the years of theorising about it, now you have a chance to practice it.

To be loved is a good thing, but to love is the greatest privilege of them all.
Marriage is a place of love, so love your spouse.

Whether you’re married, engaged, or still single, we hope that you have found wisdom and encouragement in this poem about marriage.  

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Which of These 5 Types of Project Managers Are You?

The outcome of a project largely depends on the behaviour of the manager as their actions will directly influence the behaviour of the team. Even with all the efforts, employees may put forth to salvage a once positive work environment, at the core of every toxic working environment is the bad manager. There are different types of managers, and each one has their own characteristics that determine how employees will react, the working environment and overall production.  Five common types include:

1. Laissez-Faire

‘Laissez-Faire’, is French for leaving things to take their own course without interference. These types of managers tend to leave subordinates to get on with the work on their own and have little to no communication with them. They fail to provide regular feedback when supervising. Though this form of management may seem irresponsible, it requires a lot of trust. Highly experienced and capable employees need very little interference, as they are trusted to do the task to the best of their abilities. However, when it comes to employees with limited experience, this form of management means there will be low production value as these employees feel they do not have to do any work due to the lack of authority they have over them. It can also make these employees a lot harder to control and since work is not being done, resources, money and time are wasted, which in turn increases the costs of the project.

2. Autocratic

This form of management is most suitable for places such as the Army as it gives the manager complete power. These types of managers make all the decisions with very little or no input from the subordinates, and since they have total authority over them, employees find it hard to challenge the manager. This can create an atmosphere of fear and because of this quality of work and production may increase, however, retention rates might increase along with it, as employees may feel threatened and begin to resent their job. Nonetheless, this form of management might be suitable for employees who need close supervision as they need to be told what to do and when, but creative employees will find it hard to work in an autocratic environment.

3. Participative

This type of manager values every member of the team and listens to whatever input employees may have. However, the manager ultimately makes the final decision. This form of management will increase morale as employees make contributions towards the decision-making process and they feel that their opinions matter. With this management style, the employees easily accept changes in the company as they played a role in the process. As morale increases, production will increase along with it, making this a very effective management style.

4. Transactional

This management style is used to give out either rewards or punishments to employees depending on their performance. The manager along with the employees set goals together and agree on rewards or punishments depending on whether or not they reach their goal. The employees then follow direction and instructions set by the managers in order to achieve the goal. The manager has the power to analyze the results of the project and either give out rewards and praise the employees or train the employees depending on the outcome.

5. Transformational

This type of management is used to increase the morale of the employees and is normally used in situations where employees feel discouraged. There are high levels of communication between the manager and the subordinates to reach their goals. These leaders motivate the employees and enhance efficiency and production using communication. These types of managers delegate smaller tasks to smaller teams and focus on the big picture to achieve their overall goals.

Conclusion

There are many different types of managers, and some are used specifically to adapt to certain situations. Some management styles are more effective than others however it depends on the type of employees they are supervising, the task at hand, and the goals that are set.

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BPS World Research Highlights Challenges Facing Employers in 2017 Following Brexit

Global resourcing specialist BPS World has warned that one of the main challenges facing employers in the UK in 2017 will be the impact of Brexit on the ability to attract talent, particularly in the high-value digital, technical and engineering industries where recruiters are already struggling with severe skills shortages. This follows the publication by BPS World, of: “Brexit: What the World is Saying” which, for the first time, researched the global impact of Brexit and how other countries believe it will impact on skills.  

Simon Conington, Founder of BPS World, has urged the government to ensure that the UK continues to have access to skilled professional from Europe, particularly in the sectors where there are already skills shortages, or face a sharp decline in the UK’s ability to compete.

Although the UK will not be leaving the EU until 2019 we can expect an announcement this year on the shape of Brexit and what it will mean in practice.   Under so-called ‘hard-Brexit’ freedom of movement would be restricted and it would be as difficult for talent to be recruited from France as from the US. It is this that alarms those at the sharp end of skills shortages, such as BPS World. Recruits themselves are already showing signs of being aware of these new competitive forces: research revealed that almost half (48 per cent) of UK jobseekers were more concerned about finding a job than before the referendum.

Last year BPS World spoke to business leaders, representative bodies and professionals in the recruitment and retention sectors in Europe, India, Australia and the USA. The research focussed on the sectors most affected by skills shortages in the UK and overseas. It is in these sectors that the impact of Brexit and any restrictions or changes to work permits, is likely to be most keenly felt.

One of those they spoke to was Marco Dadomo, from the Verein Deutscher Ingenieure (VDI, Association of German Engineers) in Düsseldorf: “As we know, Britain has already problems finding enough specialists in this sector. Brexit will make it less attractive for international experts to work in Britain for a British company. We have also heard that quite a lot of UK experts of different sectors plan to leave Britain when Brexit will be implemented.”

Simon Conington, Founder of BPS World argued;

“2017 is going to be a pivotal year for the UK economy. The decisions the government makes now on the implementation of Brexit will affect our ability to attract the talent we need to grow. The impact will be felt immediately as talent will not come to the UK if they know they will have to leave within two years.   We urge the government to continue to ensure we have access to skilled people, particularly in sectors where we’re already struggling to find the talent we need.”

Kevin Green, Chief Executive of the REC welcomed the report:

“This review of the international community’s fears and needs following the EU referendum contains warnings about the challenges employers could face in the future. The prospect of skill and talent shortages intensifying in higher-end sectors is a huge concern. The government must ensure that any changes to immigration policy as a result of the EU negotiations reflect immediate labour market needs so that businesses can continue to grow.”

Brexit: What the World is Saying is available free to download from www.bps-world.com

Notes to Editors

BPS World are global resourcing experts who work across a number of sectors, specialising in technology, marketing and engineering.

For further information:

Julia Barton
Onyx
E: julia@onyxcomms.com
T: + 44 20 7048 2700

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3 Tips for Dealing with a Manipulative Project Co-Worker

Are you stuck working with a project manager who is manipulative and dishonest? If you are, you’re not alone!

Today’s workplace is a cut-throat environment with everyone trying to get ahead in some way, shape, or form. It’s no surprise that there are malicious, sneaky project managers who will do anything to get a leg up to succeed or survive, even if it means throwing you under the bus. Like a clever politician, these project managers keep their desires hidden, but underneath a friendly and charming exterior is a highly destructive individual whose goals are power and control. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he or she adopts the mantra of “company first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his or hers claims of a selfless pursuit of noble causes.

Regardless of your industry, profession, experience level or company, these manipulative people exist and, if given the right opportunity, they can ruin your reputation and career prospects. They’ll tell you that the entire team hates you, thinks you’re arrogant, stupid, or incompetent, and attempt to manipulate you into believing that their opinions are objective facts. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology called it “social undermining” and “bottom line mentality.”

“According to a recent survey,  roughly 90% of folks who read this post are presently working with at least one person who, mentally, would be described as a manipulator”.

Proving yourself in a new organization is hard enough. When someone manipulates and lies about you, it can hurt your relationships, your reputation, and your career. Luckily, Project Journal has 3 tips for effectively dealing with this workplace danger.

1. Don’t Ignore Your Gut
I should’ve seen it coming. Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear-cut answer to the question “Friend or foe.” If you find yourself putting up your guard around a co-worker, you might wonder if you’re imagining things and being paranoid? Well, maybe you are, but under no circumstances should you ignore your feeling. From experience, this is often the very first sign of trouble. Weak leaders sometimes resort to emotional deceit as a weapon for getting things done. Try to consider facts objectively. Manipulation is normally felt, rather than heard or seen, so you must listen to your gut.

What makes you mistrust this person?  Do they constantly gossip? If so, be careful as those who gossip to you, will probably be doing the same about you too and like Mom always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Plus, you don’t want to get caught up in the drama when people find out about this control freak’s gossiping.

Trust that you will be thrown under the bus when “stuff” hits the fan. If you’re still unsure, you should run their behaviour by objective people you trust. As trust is built on the foundations of a good relationship, instead of basing trust on someone’s words, observe their deeds.

2. Dealing with a Bad Apple
There’s a lot to be said for the old saying, “One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.” Not only is that true for fruit, but it holds a lot of merit in the work environment. Rude behavior is contagious. Toxic manipulative employees have an unhealthy ripple effect that harms co-workers, managers, and subordinates alike. They lack positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. They dwell in a very dark place lit only by their own ambition.

“It takes just one malicious employee among the ranks to wreak havoc on your team’s culture.”

Healthy human interactions are not dominated by manipulation. If you feel you can’t trust them, don’t. Manipulators do not communicate openly. Instead, they resort to flattery or play the victim to gain your trust and sympathy. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, they influence and control others and have a fair amount of social support, most likely because no one wants to be on their bad side. But that doesn’t mean their behavior isn’t harmful.

Your priority in this situation must be to protect your professional standing. Begin documenting every instance of destructive behavior and take it to a higher authority. When a co-worker starts manipulating you and ignoring the behavior doesn’t work, distance yourself, if possible and keep all correspondences. When colleagues try to sabotage you, they might tell you lies to cause you to make mistakes. The more you cover yourself, the less you have to worry about. Change your passwords, shut down your computer when you leave your desk, and keep sensitive documents under lock and key. Remember to “choose your words carefully when sending emails so that things you write can’t come back to bite you. Unfortunately, if you lose your cool, you will be in danger of looking undignified.”

“When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him.”
’- George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

It can be tempting to excuse the antagonistic worker who seems zealous about his job, but clearly, those employees may be undermining the entire workforce. Being direct lets the other person know you’re aware of their manipulative behavior, and in some cases, that may be enough to nip it in the bud.  If you stay out of their world of negativity, you will be a much more difficult target for their manipulation.

3. Counteracting Sabotage
Manipulators are blind to the serious defects in their character, but keenly aware of the slightest weakness or imperfection in others. They are judgmental, suspicious, demanding and calculating, all negative personality characteristics. Even their outward charm is cold and calculated. Before you can deal with the situation, you need to understand the impact.

Is it a small lie with little effect? Is it a big lie that requires damage control or even legal action? Consider how others might view the situation. Although it may be difficult, the best choice might be simply to move on as the people who make it in the long-term are the ones who are honest, hardworking and able to maintain their professionalism.

“According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, workplace sabotage is on the rise in this difficult economy.”

If you choose to directly address the situation. It is critical to use neutral language and tone of voice. Do not stoop to their level, it is important to keep your integrity. Consider having witnesses to your conversation so it’s not your word against theirs.

Your final action can be accepting an apology and moving on, or it can be reporting the lie to a higher authority. In extreme cases, it can be making a formal complaint or hiring an attorney. It’s smart to search for job postings, even when you have no intention to quit. Obviously, you don’t want to let one bad apple lead to your resignation but, if nothing else, knowing you have options can help you feel more empowered and in control of the situation.

Other signs sabotage may be in the works: You don’t receive a promotion or responsibilities you logically should have gotten; cold or averse behavior from management that is (seemingly) out of nowhere; sudden and unexplained alienation by individual co-workers or even entire cliques; or unwarranted and continuous kind behavior from someone that was formerly aloof, ambivalent or even aggressive.

Manipulative behavior is widespread, but fortunately, it doesn’t exist everywhere. Do you have manipulative co-workers? How do you dodge their requests and still manage to pave a successful career path?  Tell us what you think?

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Politics and Project Management, a Lesson in Leadership

We all know that the more power you have, the better you are able to get the job completed. The problem is most project managers have lots of responsibility, but hardly any authority and since most projects exist outside core business structures, they are forced to develop other methods of influence.

One unspoken evil that is often ignored on project management training courses is the politics of project management. While most of us view politics with disgust; there is no refuting that effective project managers are often seen as those who are equipped and able to employ fitting political strategies to further their project goals. 

“In a Perfect World the Best Workers Would Be Promoted on Merit Alone and the Best Ideas Would Be Adopted Regardless of Personal Interest – but We Do Not Live in Utopia”

Have you ever included ‘office politics’ as a risk on your risk register? Probably not. Though, consider the potential implications of ignoring the ugly stepchild of project management?

“The Objective of Office Politics Is to Manipulate a Situation in Order to Achieve an Outcome That Will Benefit One Individual or Group at the Expense of Other Individuals or Groups.”

While it is unlikely that ‘office politics’ would be listed directly as a risk on your risk register, it is quite likely that one or more of the outcomes of it would. As a result, if you want to survive and prosper in the real world you need to combine good work with smart politics to ensure your own success and that of your projects. The biggest mistake a project manager can make is to assume that politics in project management doesn’t exist. After all, politics is human nature and has played an integral part in history since the dawn of civilization.

In a group where working interactions are fraught with tension and individuals have their own personal agendas or want to be “top dog” personal conflicts will often get in the way of the project aims. Issues between members of the team become the over-riding concern both for the individuals afraid and sometimes even the project manager. Meetings can consist of jostling for power or simply trying to justify your position and when that happens progress on the project will undoubtedly suffer.

For most project managers, playing politics is a form of slow, soul-destroying torture where logic, self-control, transparency and trustworthiness are replaced by deception, concealment, and sabotage. However, ignoring the external and internal politics surrounding your project or organization is dangerous. Successful project managers need to understand organizational politics and how to make them work for project success.

In the case of project politics you can use these key techniques in a constructive manner:

Carefully Manage Your Own Conduct

  1. The first rule is to at all times act in a way that commands respect and beyond that, respect others. That means not gossiping, spreading rumors or getting sucked into interpersonal conflicts and arguments. Maintain your honesty!
  2. Be positive as a positive outlook is a choice that you can always make and remain professional. 
  3. Be confident and firm but not hostile and make sure you take organizational perspectives, not a personal one when voicing objections or giving criticism.
  4. Always assume things will be disclosed, so don’t rely on confidentiality.
  5. Over time you will learn what works in your organization’s culture and what doesn’t. Try to watch other people and identify successful behaviors that you can model to navigate the political minefield.

Review the Organization Chart

  1. Sit back and watch for a while. Identify the real influencers, those who are respected, champions, those who have authority but don’t use it, the mentors and last but not least the true brains behind the organization. Then re-map the organization chart in terms of political influence as politics will often bypass the formal organization chart.

Understand the Social Network

  1. Once you know who’s who in the organization, you have to understand the social networks. This involves identifying who gets along with whom, groups or cliques that have formed and ongoing interpersonal conflicts. Over time you will learn who has the most trouble getting along with others and the basis for the interrelationship whether it be friendship, respect or manipulation, including how the influence flows between all parties.

Build Good Relationships

  1. Now you need to build multiple networks but avoid aligning yourself with one group or another this way you can keep your finger on the pulse of the organization.
  2. Don’t be afraid of politically powerful people and instead, develop relationships that cross the formal hierarchy in all directions.
  3. Build your relationships on trust and respect and avoid empty flattery.

Use Your Social Network

  1. You will need to learn to use your social network to stay clear of negative politics. You can do this through positive political action.
  2. Use your network to gain access to information, build visibility of your achievements and improve difficult relationships.
  3. Attract opportunities where you can shine and seek out ways to make yourself, your team and your boss look good.

Counteract Negative Play

“The Expression, Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer” Couldn’t Be Any Truer When It Comes to Office Politics.”

  1. Your mapping of the organization will help you to identify those people who use others for their own political purposes, and not for the common good. Know that these people typically have low self-worth (that’s why they rely on destructive politicking to get ahead). Always be very careful what you say to them.  Understand what motivates them, their goals, and how to avoid or counter the impact of their politics
  2. Remember loyalty is not a reliable factor in the workplace!

“It is easy to become a target if you’re ambitious or if you strive for change. One of the biggest mistakes we make in our career is to assume that everyone likes progress. This is not true’Å —’Å many are content with the status quo and will defend it with their life.”

Projects are rarely easy and office politics can compound other sorts of problems that arise so they need to be dealt with swiftly and firmly. 

 

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