She’s Interested and He’s Not Pursuing

What’s up with all the godly Christian men not making a move?

There’s a joke going around: men in the church are like parking spaces. The good ones are either already taken — or they’re handicapped.
There’s a joke going around: men in the church are like parking spaces. The good ones are either already taken — or they’re handicapped.

Houston, we have a problem. It’s a problem that will require all of our effort, courage, confidence and creativity to solve.

is the largest religion in the world, claiming 2.2 billion of the world’s 6.9 billion people, as of last year and is a big deal for most young Christians. However, ask any young woman what the Christian dating scene is like these days.

“Christian men … ugh.”  Grim. Impossible. Slim pickings they’ll  say.

Young Christian men simply won’t commit, they’ll  say and if you’re lucky they’ll  call once — never to be heard from again.

And the churchgoing men who are available? Well, there’s a reason they’re single.

“Usually, he respects or admires the godly young woman (or, other people in his Church think he should admire her more), and yet he’s not physically attracted to her. She’s not his “type,” he says.”

So why are all the single Christian ladies having trouble finding single Christian guys for companionship and romance?  A plethora of Christian dating websites, books, blogs, advice columns, and magazine articles have surfaced in the last few years, attempting to give Christian young women some helpful tips for snagging a godly man and achieving that much-desired state of wedded bliss.

  • Date for at least a year.
  • Don’t kiss before you’re married.
  • Be careful how much time you spend together.
  • Date a bunch of people before getting serious.
  • Don’t unless you are ready to move in the direction of marriage.  

It’s not terrible advice– waiting until marriage takes work. But here’s the thing: Relationships take work.  However, while most Chrisitan ladies have internal regulations in the form of our Spirit inspired convictions and knowledge of the , it does not seem to be enough?

Could it be that we screened all the godly young men out of church as boys?  

Probably not entirely, as according to Mark Regenerus, a sociology professor at the University of Texas, young single women in the church outnumber young single men by a three-to-two ratio.

That’s right ladies, you’re not imagining it: there’s a severe shortage of single men in the church. Not just here in the U.S., but also around the world.

“There are almost no men in my country who are following Christ. And French men will not marry a woman whose faith in Jesus is so strong. She is a leper in their eyes.” –  Christian woman from France

A young godly man knows he’s a catch — particularly if he’s dedicated to his faith, good looking and works out and there are hardly any other man is his Church. With each week that passes, he’s presented with a congregation full of single women. Most haven’t been on a date in a while. He has his pick of the bunch.

There’s even a joke about the gender imbalance. It goes like this:

“Men in the church are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either already taken, or they’re handicapped.”

Furthermore, it has been confirmed that the supply of young women grows with each passing year.

So whats the solution?

God Will Orchestrate the Love Story

Do you find yourself becoming resentful that God is withholding something from you?

  • Still waiting to find the man of your dreams
  • Your greatest desire is to have a baby
  • You want to experience the joy of being “equally yoked” with a godly husband

Desperation is dangerous because it focuses on self: What I want. What I must have. What I cannot live without. Firstly,  if and when the time comes for you to be married, God will orchestrate the love story. But in the meantime, your focus is to be on serving God and pouring your life out for God, not on getting serious about getting married. The timing is up to God, not you.

Singled Out in Church

Secondly, research shows that single men are more likely to attend churches that fit the following profile:

  • Large
  • Headed by a male pastor who’s bold and outspoken
  • Offers intentional male discipleship
  • Worship service is done in under 90 minutes

Apart from salvation, there is perhaps a way that the concept “God helps those who help themselves” is correct. We’re not suggesting you switch churches over this issue. It probably wouldn’t hurt to visit another church once in awhile — especially if your church offers nothing for singles.

Also remember that there are actually some Christ-men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young woman — one who is not following after the trends of the culture, or who are not wallowing around in discontentment or on the constant prowl for a guy.

Any pastors who are reading, have you ever stopped to listen, really listen, to the women in your church about how they feel they are treated or perceived?

Any other advice?

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So what are your thoughts and comments on this?

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DanasarahalleyLYDIA REYESdeanGODINTEREST - Christian digital media website exploring faith, culture and life Recent comment authors
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Dana
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Thank you for this post. It sometimes feels like when the church is super focused on fostering married couples and families (which is great), that the unique needs of singles are left out. As a single Christian woman in my 30’s (never been married, no kids) I’ve always wondered if it’s just in my head or if there really are less single men in the church. Glad to know that it’s not necessarily something I’m “doing wrong,” the numbers just aren’t in my favor.

Dean
Member
Dean

Hi Dana Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
God Bless

Anthony P.
Guest
Anthony P.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s a generation of godly men that are simply not interested in marriage. Maybe they’ve been burned by feminism or maybe they’re just so completely focused on & content with God that’s there’s no room [or need] for a woman in their lives.

Sarah Alley
Member

Enjoyed this post. My teenaged daughter and I have had this conversation. Good men are a rarity. It makes becoming a nun more appealing for her.

Fisayo Adeyemi
Guest
Fisayo Adeyemi

amazing post

Dean
Member
Dean

Thanks God bless

LYDIA REYES
Member
LYDIA REYES

“Desperation is dangerous because it focuses on self: What I want. What I must have. What I cannot live without. Firstly, if and when the time comes for you to be married, God will orchestrate the love story.” – Amen!!! Great post ♥

Dean
Member
Dean

Lydia

We totally agree. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.

God Bless

Dean
Member
Dean

Great post

oldpoet56
Member

This is a very good article.

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