Far From Home

Have you ever looked back over your life and said ‘I’m far from home’? What happened when you realised?

In scripture, Naomi had been away from Bethlehem in the land of Judah for a long time. She and her husband had moved to Moab because of a famine, and their sons had grown up there and married. Naomi also experienced deep grief when her husband and then later her sons died.

Being a widow in those days was very difficult because a household depended on men to provide food, shelter, and support. So when Naomi heard that God had provided food in Bethlehem, she was motivated to go back there.

Isn’t it interesting to see how God works in our lives. Wherever we go, God watches over us. And sometimes, in dire situations, we may be drawn to seek him in renewed ways. In this story, as we learn later, God was drawing Naomi back to Judah because he had a special plan for her family. But Naomi didn’t know that at the time.

Today, like Naomi, you may be dealing with some adversity. Maybe it’s the death of a loved one or the unexpected loss of a job. Maybe it’s some trouble you brought on yourself. Whatever the case, difficult situations can lead us to focus on the goodness of God and how he provides us a spiritual home for us. Wherever you are at this moment, may God help you see that our true home can only be found in Him, through the gift of Christ, His Son.

She left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah. (Ruth 1:7).

Let’s Pray

Yahweh, thank you for the hope of an eternal home. Father, wherever I am in my life, help me to hear your voice and to know that my home is with you. In Christ’s name, Amen.

June 24, 2019January 15, 2024

Mum Shocked After One Twin is Born with Albinism: Real Life Story

Albinism is the “congenital absence of any pigmentation or coloration in a person, animal or plant, resulting in white hair, feathers, scales and skin and pink eyes in mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish and other small invertebrates as well.”Varied use and interpretation of the terms mean that written reports of albinistic animals can be difficult to verify.

For ages, Judith had a feeling that she would struggle to become pregnant. There wasn’t a medical explanation for this — it was simply a niggling fear.

She and her husband struggled to believe they would ever become parents after years went by without her becoming pregnant. “I found myself getting anxious and desperate,” Judith first wrote on Love What Matters.

“The fear remained no matter how hard I tried to stay positive. However, Eight years down the line, my husband and I decided to go for our second round of IVF. The first of which failed, as well as other various procedures and fertility treatments. Every ultrasound visit after that was horror”
Judith

The couple could hardly contain their joy when that second round of IVF proved successful.

Judith was carrying twins — a boy, Kamis, and a girl, Kachi.

It felt remarkable that after all these years, their aspirations and dreams of a family were about to be real.

However, mum’s joy quickly turned to horror as doctors broke the news that Kachi was “at risk and might not make it”. “Every ultrasound visit after that was a nightmare as Kachi was far behind in growth whiles Kamsi did great.

“Finally, at 37 weeks, I had to be induced immediately because I was told that Kachi had stopped growing..” After the birth Nurses let Judith hold her daughter briefly before she was whisked to the NICU.

“The first time I saw her, I wondered if the nurse was handing me my baby, or someone else’s,” Judith said. “I waited a few seconds for someone to tell me there was a mix-up?” “Soon the joy of seeing them both healthy surpassed any other feeling at that instant.”
“How did I get black and white twins?”

Several days later Judith and her husband were told that their baby girl had albinism.

“I loved my princess like every mother would love her baby but worried about her condition,” Judith said.
“I worried about her future, how society would treat her, how she’ll be accepted.
“Gradually, worry turned to sadness and I started questioning “I envied other black babies and thought, ‘Why me? Why was I the one to have an albino baby?’
“How did I get black and white twins?”
“I threw the braille sheets in the garbage”

Unfortunately, medical professionals were quick to affirm Judith’s worst fears and told her that Kachi would struggle to see and would likely need to learn to read braille.

“I couldn’t imagine Kachi reading with braille and threw the braille sheets in the garbage.” She said

“She’s so smart and has a strong personality. She knows what she wants and will always go for it.
“I always tell her how beautiful she is, because she really is.
“I’m not sure she`s aware of her uniqueness at the moment, but eventually she’ll know.”
“It’s my responsibility to educate her and teach her to love herself no matter what.

Albinism

Albinism affects the production of melanin, the pigment that colours skin, hair and eyes. It’s a lifelong condition, but it doesn’t get worse over time.

People with albinism have a reduced amount of melanin, or no melanin at all. This can affect their colouring and their eyesight.

Albinism is caused by faulty genes that a child inherits from their parents.

Symptoms of albinism

Hair and skin colour

People with albinism often have white or very light blonde hair, although some have brown or ginger hair. The exact colour depends on how much melanin their body produces.

Very pale skin that burns easily in the sun and doesn’t usually tan is also typical of albinism.

Eye colour

Someone with albinism can have pale blue, grey or brown eyes. Eye colour depends on the type of albinism and the amount of melanin. People from ethnic groups with darker pigmentation tend to have darker coloured eyes.

Eye problems

The reduced amount of melanin can also cause other eye problems. This is because melanin is involved in the development of the retina, the thin layer of cells at the back of the eye.

Possible eye problems linked to albinism include:

poor eyesight — either short-sightedness or long-sightedness, and low vision (sight loss that can’t be corrected)
astigmatism — where the cornea (clear layer at the front of the eye) isn’t perfectly curved or the lens is an abnormal shape, causing blurred vision
photophobia — where the eyes are sensitive to light
nystagmus — where the eyes move involuntarily from side to side, causing reduced vision; you don’t see the world as “wobbling” because your brain adapts to your eye movement
squint — where the eyes point in different directions

Some young children with albinism may appear clumsy because problems with their eyesight can make it difficult for them to perform certain movements, such as picking up an object. This should improve as they get older.

How albinism is inherited

The two main types of albinism are:

oculocutaneous albinism (OCA) — the most common type, affecting the skin, hair and eyes
ocular albinism (OA) — a rarer type that mainly affects the eyes

Autosomal recessive inheritance

In most cases, including all types of OCA and some types of OA, albinism is passed on in an autosomal recessive inheritance pattern. This means a child has to inherit two copies of the faulty gene (one from each parent) to have the condition.

If both parents carry the gene, there’s a 1 in 4 chance that their child will have albinism and a 1 in 2 chance that their child will be a carrier. Carriers don’t have albinism but can pass on the faulty gene.

X-linked inheritance

Some types of OA are passed on in an X-linked inheritance pattern. This pattern affects boys and girls differently: girls who inherit the faulty gene become carriers and boys who inherit the faulty gene will get albinism.

When a mother is a carrier of an X-linked type of albinism, each of her daughters has a 1 in 2 chance of becoming a carrier and each of her sons has a 1 in 2 chance of having albinism.

When a father has an X-linked type of albinism, his daughters will become carriers, and his sons won’t have albinism and won’t be carriers.

Read more about how mutations are passed on.

Genetic counselling

If you have a history of albinism in your family or you have a child with the condition, you may want to talk to your GP about getting a referral for genetic counselling.

A genetic counsellor provides information, support and advice about genetic conditions. For example, you can discuss with them how you inherited albinism and the chances of passing it on.

Read more about genetic testing and counselling.

Diagnosing albinism

Albinism is usually obvious from a baby’s appearance when they’re born. Your baby’s hair, skin and eyes may be examined to look for signs of missing pigment.

As albinism can cause a number of eye problems, your baby may be referred to an eye specialist (ophthalmologist) for tests to check for conditions such as nystagmus, squint and astigmatism.

Electrodiagnostic testing is also sometimes used to help diagnose albinism. This is where small electrodes are stuck to the scalp to test the connections of the eyes to the part of the brain that controls vision.

March 16, 2019March 18, 2019

For the Single Christian Woman ‘getting on in Years’

We hear about the saying ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’, but that only seems to apply to some situations. When you’re a single woman past the age of twenty-five, your age becomes a topic of discussion, especially if you do not have wedding bells on the horizon or even the perfect job. Before you know it, ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’ transitions to ‘you’re getting on in years’ in a blink of an eye.

I’ll be attending the wedding of a relative in just under two weeks. As many women would agree, finding the right outfit to suit the colour scheme of the wedding, settling on the perfect hairstyle to compliment your outfit, and whether or not it is wise to wear heels are the topics of discussion right up until the day of the wedding. The day after and the following few weeks are usually reserved for those who believe themselves to be the fashion police, commenting on the myriad of outfits worn at the wedding. Of course, the anticipation of what the bride will wear and look like is the main reason for our attendance (well, it is for my large family), followed by other reasons such as showing support, joining in the couple’s happiness, and hopefully catching the bouquet to stand a chance of being the next bride. Now, you will likely not find me anywhere near the bride when it is time to catch the bouquet. I will either excuse myself and rush to the restroom until the commotion is over or busy myself with a task that requires me to stay put, such as quickly picking up a relative’s fussing baby to calm them down. You see, when you’re single and nearing thirty, people cannot help but turn to look at you when all the single ladies are called up for the bouquet-tossing, because when you get to my age, it appears to be a downright shame to not even have the sound of wedding bells in your near future.

The thing is, I don’t live my life according to the rules or recommendations of the world. In fact, I’m considered to be a strange woman by many for the beliefs I have concerning dating and marriage. As a Christian woman, whether single or married, you are always aware of Who you serve and your commitment to Him. His ways are not the worlds’ ways, so must be our ways as well. However, seeing as I know nothing about being married and everything about being single, I’m sticking to what I know!

Whenever I meet an old friend or family member (usually in passing), the topic of marriage and children will be brought up 90% of the time. I try my best to steer clear of the topic, but when you’re a certain age, it becomes near impossible to avoid the discussion. Whenever I reveal my single status, they usually look at me with sympathetic eyes and tell me ‘don’t worry, you’ll meet someone soon’. It then becomes challenging for me to either not laugh or become annoyed by the insinuation that I need a husband to complete my life. If I tell them that I’m not concerned about marriage or having children, they look at me as though I have taken leave of my senses!

Marriage is a beautiful covenant between a man and a woman, and having children is a blessing- there is no doubt about that. However, to imply that the primary existence for all women is to get married and have children by the age of thirty at best, or pushing it at thirty-five is ridiculous to me. As Christian women, our first reason for existence is Jesus Himself. We are to put Him first in all that we do, that includes whether or not we get married. I have met far too many distraught single Christian women because they cannot seem to find the right man to marry. That’s our first mistake- worrying about who we are going to marry.

When I turned twenty-five, I still had no urge to find a man and settle down. Of course, I received a few side looks and whispered words about my single status, but that didn’t affect me. I suppose back then people believed that there was still hope for me yet. Nearly five years later, and those same people think my case to be hopeless. Even some Christian women have something to say, which I find odd considering the fact that we know Who the Author of our lives is. I have no doubt in my mind that if I am meant to get married, then I will, and if I am not, then I won’t- I’m not about to force the situation and end up unhappy. GOD has the perfect plan for our lives, and that includes a life-changing event such as marriage. I believe that many Christian women forget this and try to go at it alone, and when they realise that they have made a mistake, they either try to blame GOD for not improving their situation or take the divorce route.

Getting married is a serious matter, and who you get married to is incredibly important. I believe that GOD has this matter in your life sorted before you’re even born! It is essential to marry the man that GOD has set aside for you, whether that man comes into your life at the age of twenty or fifty. It’s no use going hunting for a husband at a church or anywhere else that you believe you’ll find him because you’re going about it the wrong way. When the right time comes according to GOD’S plan for your life, your intended will enter your life. We waste a lot of our time worrying about this aspect of our lives when we should be devoting our time to GOD. In 1 Corinthians 7:25-40, the Apostle Paul gives advice to the unmarried as a man whom the LORD in His mercy has made trustworthy (vs 25). The particular verse that struck a chord in me was verse 34: There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the LORD that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world- how she may please her husband. As single Christian women, our attention is on the LORD (or should be), we don’t have to worry about pleasing a spouse, making a home for a family, or doing other wifely duties. While there is no wrong in any of this (a shout out to all the wives and all that they do for their families), we should appreciate our single status more rather than fret about it. You can serve the LORD without distraction, give Him more of your time, and in return experience the sweetest joy of communion with our Heavenly Father. Instead of wasting your single state on worrying about getting married, rather use it to further your relationship with the LORD.

Stop looking at your age as an indication for where you believe you should be in life. GOD does not work according to man’s time, but His own. Most importantly, stop comparing yourself to the Christian sister who just got married, or the one who is about to get married or you may fall into the sin of coveting. The devil has the ability to strike you where it hurts the most, and if you’re stressing about your single status, he will most definitely use that to his advantage. Your stress indicates that you do not trust GOD’S plan for your life, that He does not have your best interests at heart when in actual fact He knows you better than you know yourself. Some of us are just not ready to get married yet, and forcing marriage will undoubtedly prove disastrous. Also, marriage is not for everyone. There are people that GOD has set apart, those that will not get married. It is not to say that they never wanted to get married, but they would rather obey the Almighty than their own wants and needs. I would rather remain in GOD’S will for my life than take a route that He never intended for me.

Be happy in your position. It is not people that you should listen to, but GOD. Place your focus on Him, get busy with the work of the LORD. You never know, you might look up one day and see your intended standing before you with no help from you. I would take GOD’S best over my own choice any day, how about you?

August 11, 2018November 4, 2018

Ladies, Hope for A Joseph-like Husband

Many Christian women speak about finding a husband like Boaz, which is fine as he had many good qualities. However, I have yet to come across a Christian woman that expresses the need to find a husband like Joseph, the most beloved of Jacob’s sons and a godly man.

Recently I attended my cousin’s wedding and as a result, I was bombarded with questions about when I was going to get married. One of my aunties even tried to drag me over to the dance floor to stand a chance of catching the bride’s bouquet. Thankfully I was firmly behind the serving table when I argued the fact that technically, I wasn’t all that single and that I wasn’t even on the ‘market’. I firmly believe that GOD has the right someone for everyone and that if you’re patient and faithful, He will reveal that person at the right time. How can we say that we give GOD control but still choose to actively hunt for a husband? Our time is best spent drawing closer to GOD and letting Him handle that important aspect of our lives.

Attending the wedding got me thinking about marriage and the kind of man that I would one day marry. Joseph is one of my favorite people from the Bible and he holds many characteristics of an ideal husband. While many women consider Boaz and even Jesus’ earthly father, Joseph, as men with good husband qualities, the Genesis Joseph appeals to me more. Here’s why:

First of all, the name Joseph means ‘GOD increases or adds to’ so that’s a good start right there!
Joseph was a principled man. He was an honest man of character and integrity. Look at the number of times that he was tempted. But did he give in? Nope. Not once. A godly man like Joseph would not cheat on his wife because he honors GOD above all else.
He was humble. This man had all the power and prestige as a man who was second to Pharoah in all things. However, he didn’t let this get to his head. He was always aware of the fact that it was GOD who had put him in that position. As a husband, there would be no gloating and feather primping.
He was disciplined. This man was sold into slavery by his own brothers and spent time in prison for a crime that he did not commit. However, he didn’t let any of this make him bitter and forsake his GOD. He disciplined himself to make the most of his situation and remained faithful to GOD, knowing that GOD would come through for him. He had a long-term vision- it wasn’t a case of here and now, but of what was to come by GOD’S hand.
Faithfulness. Not once did Joseph’s commitment to GOD waver. Not once. He remained faithful to Him at his lowest moment and at his highest moment. A husband that remains faithful to GOD despite his situation is a keeper:)
Grace. Out of pure jealousy, Joseph’s own brothers sold him into slavery. That’s a hard blow. But still, he chose to show grace and mercy to his brothers and forgave them. Such a godly characteristic is a must in a husband.
He was a competent man. This man did his best in all that he did. He was a man of excellence- he truly excelled in all of his jobs! Whether as a servant, an interpreter, a ruler or manager of his family’s flock, he did it all to the best of his abilities.
Joseph was a wise man. Did you know that he was 30 when he stepped in to help set up Egypt for the famine that was to come? It’s not like he went to business school or something, but he managed to see them through the famine. Without a doubt, it was GOD that blessed him with such wisdom.
He was also strategic. I love planning and will often plan for events many months in advance (my family finds that rather irritating!). Joseph was a planner. He successfully planned for the famine by instructing officials to gather up food and store it during the years of plenty.

Not all women will share my opinion about a Joseph-like husband, but when in doubt about someone that you’re considering or possibly even getting married to, base their characteristics on the verses from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 like so:

“Joseph is patient, Joseph is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Joseph does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

If you can honestly say that the man you are batting your eyelashes at embodies these values, then you have a godly man who is full of the Holy Spirit.

Now, it wouldn’t be right for me to talk about waiting for the right man without saying that you need to be a godly woman yourself. Often I receive compliments on my cooking skills and I’m told that because of it I’ll make a good wife, but a part of me always rebels against that. Sure enough, my future husband will be spoilt when it comes to food, but that cannot be the ruler that I’ll be measured against when it comes to being a good wife. The Bible has much to say about being a good wife, and that for me is a far better source. Scriptures speak about a noble wife who is worth more than rubies, a wife who her husband has full confidence in, and who brings him good. She is not a slanderer and is sober and faithful in all things. She loves her husband and children and she exercises self-control. She is pure and kind and is subject to her husband so that no one will malign the word of GOD. She respects her husband and loves him deeply, knowing that GOD has joined them together for His good purpose.

Whether you are a wife or a wife-to-be, put your name in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and see how you stack up. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but we must remember to honor our vows and faithfully remain at our husband’s side. It is not good for a man to be alone, and with a marriage of two people who put GOD first in everything, he never will be.

April 28, 2018

Who am I in Christ?

Have you ever asked yourself, ‘Who am I really? It’s an age-old question that many people ask and some never figure it out, our identities seem to tie in to what we are to certain people and how we live our lives.

After growing up in a broken home, and spending some years in a foster home, I spent many years of my life trying to figure out who I was; really. Was I really someone’s child, someone that didn’t fight for me while I was in a foster home for years? In the foster home, I was not really a daughter, I was a foster kid. I didn’t really belong, it was a “temporary” home for years. I was another mouth to feed in the home. I became a wife at a young age and for many years that seemed to be my identity but deep down that never satisfied me.

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, even a patient.

All of my identities, everything that I believe I am, are all dependent on somebody and something else. Don’t get me wrong these are important roles in my life and I get to share my gifts and leave my mark in each of these lives but all of these are just roles in my life and are just a part of what makes me, me. What if all of these people were suddenly gone, what would be left of me? The question still plagues me, who am I?

Gifts and Talents

I believe my true identity goes much deeper than the just mere connection with someone else. God gives us all gifts and I soon realized that I could link up all of my gifts and talents in some way to my roles in my life. Character is the core of who you really are because when your back is up against the wall and you have no choice this is when your true self will show.

I am a good listener. Often times people call me to vent or to give them my opinion but most of the time I listen. People need that, they need for people to listen to them. Most everyone seems to be in a hurry these days and take very little time to slow down and listen. Listening comes easy for me. Hebrews 2:1(ESV) says;

“We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we

have heard, so that we do not drift away.”

So, because of this scripture, I see God also wants me to be a good listener to Him as well.

I am Loyal. I am loyal to my husband, loyal to my children, loyal to my family even though at times they may try my patience. I am loyal to my Heavenly Father, I trust Him, serve Him, rely on Him and seek Him daily. Matthew 24: 45-46 (ESV) says;

“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom his master

has set over his household, to give them their (physical, and spiritual)

food at the proper time? Blessed is that servant whom his master

will find so doing when he comes.”

I demonstrate my loyalty to God and loyalty to those who He has called me to serve.

I am trustworthy. I don’t gossip, I don’t tell someone else’s story if told something in confidence I keep it in confidence. I have learned to trust God and I believe He trusts me.

Psalm 91:2 (ESV) says;

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress:

my God; in him will I trust.”

I am loving and kind. I don’t just tell of my love for people, I do my best to show people that I love them and care for them. I try to have a shoulder for people to lean on. I do my best to express my concern for others situations and the things in life that they are going through. 1 Corinthians 13: 7 (ESV) says;

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

endures all things.”

I am compassionate. I can feel empathy for people, even if they don’t want it or deserve it in some people’s eye. I don’t want anyone to feel alone.

I also bear tangible gifts, I am an artist. I love to draw.

I am a musician: I play the guitar.

I am a blogger: I have been open about my health and life as well as my walk with God and how I believe completely in His word. 2 Timothy 1:8 (ESV) says;

“Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord,

nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by

the power of God.”

I am a daughter of a King. Not perfect, I make mistakes, but I am a working towards being more and more like my Father every day. John 1: 12 says;

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he

gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born,

not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man,

but of God.”

Who am I?’ I am what God made me to be.

April 22, 2018January 15, 2024

A Prayer for My Stressed-Out, Hardworking Husband

No one gets a free pass from stressful times. As Christians, prayer and the Scriptures are our greatest weapons against this stress epidemic.

Father,

I praise You for my husband, Your unique creation. Please guard his heart and mind, Jesus. Protect him from temptation and fill him up with the good things he needs. You’ve promised to fill his soul with what he needs and I ask You to do just that.

You are the God of peace, Who heals all our ailments and cares for all those that love and trust You. Lord, You know the many pressures my dear husband has been facing, from both his work and from the family, and Father, I am concerned that it seems to be affecting his health. Lord, this additional stress seems to be making my husband irritable and I know that he is finding it increasingly difficult to sleep at night.

I know that You care about each of Your children and are interested in every area of our lives – and so I pray that You would ease the stress and pressure that seems to be mounting up in our lives and quickly remove it, and please Lord, help my husband to rest in You and to cast all His care upon You, day by day.

Lord, I pray that You would bless my husband’s work. That he would be diligent and prosperous. That You would give him wisdom and discernment. God, I pray You would give him the strength to walk the opportunities you provide.

Thank You, Lord for being there for us and I pray that You would hold us both in Your arms of love,

In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Bible Verses to Combat Anxiety and Stress

“I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.” (Psalm 4:8, NLT)”

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NLT)”

“I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27, NLT)”

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. (2 Thessalonians 3:16, ESV)”

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4, ESV)”

March 30, 2018January 15, 2024

So You Think You’ve Married the Wrong Person?

5 Truths about Godâ€™s Design for Sex in Marriage

When I saw Roger’s Facebook profile photo, my first reaction, if I’m honest, was that he wasn’t good-looking enough for me. Yet when he sent a message saying I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, I gave into his invitation for dinner, she says in regret.

“According to a new survey of more than 1,600 divorcees, 49 percent admitted they were worried on their wedding day their relationship would break down, and two-thirds considered leaving their spouse-to-be at the altar.”

“A sixth said they hoped their partner would change after the wedding, while others said they got married in the hope that it would “all work out” in the end.”

Lord, I’m sorry! I married the wrong man. Please forgive me, she cries out in agonizing prayer.

No couple should expect bliss every day and most couples know that perfection is not on the cards. Nevertheless, there are couples who display such deep-seated incompatibility, such heightened rage and disappointment, that most people will conclude that something else is at play beyond the normal scratchiness: they appear to have married the wrong person.

How do such errors happen, in our enlightened, knowledge-rich times? To avoid becoming a “statistic,” try to internalize these 7 insights.

#1. You picked the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.

Many Christians may assume that non-believers are more likely to marry the wrong person because they lack God’s guidance in finding their one true love. But not so fast. Unfortunately, the number of Christians divorcing is no lower than that of non-believers.

“Singles today (and most married couples too) are searching for super-spouses that simply don’t exist.”

Movie star Mickey Rooney said, “Marriage is like batting in baseball; when the right one comes along, you don’t want to let it go by.” It sounds good, until you realize that Mickey was married eight times. He must have had a lot of “good pitches” to swing at!

Mickey Rooney has what might be called the “needle in a haystack” view of picking a mate.

But you won’t find a “wrong needle” clause in the Bible that gives you an “out” if you conclude that your spouse isn’t right for you. Instead you’ll find in Malachi 2:15, “Do not break faith with the wife of your youth.”

Surprising to many, the Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen. It tells us how to live with the person we have chosen. It’s easy to take our thoughts to the extreme when we’re so unhappy. But lets not forget that God says in the Bible says, “Come, let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). You didn’t marry a mind reader. Don’t fault him or her for that.

#2. You picked the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Many societies portray marriage as a temporary arrangement that can be adapted or forsaken at will. When first looking out for a partner, the requirements we come up with are coloured by a beautiful non-specific sentimental vagueness. All of us are crazy in very particular ways. All too many people say their vows without a real commitment to their spouse or to God.

Marriage is not primarily about finding the right spouse. It’s about being the right person. In his classic work, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm declares, “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.

#3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share common life goals and priorities.

Biblically, a Christian should be looking to marry another believer who shares a similar commitment to following the Lord Jesus. Marriage to an unbeliever should be avoided (2 Corinthians 6:14). So, if a Christian marries a non-Christian, he or she may have indeed married the wrong person.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you got intimately involved too quickly.

“Do you know unmarried couples who attend church, have consensual sex, and may even live together? According to a recent study by the Barna Group,”

The Bible is filled with lots of info about sex, and believe it or not, God thinks it’s a great idea! And why shouldn’t He, He invented it and declared it to be “good.”

Many Christian couples also justify cohabitation with the rationalization that they are going to get married eventually. However, the Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4). Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage.

If you believe Christ died on a cross for your sins and you are trusting in Christ alone for your salvation, Christ commands you to pick up your cross and follow him (Matt. 16:24). Sex outside of marriage is a sin, no matter how a person tries to interpret Scripture otherwise, and every Christian is called to obey God in this aspect of life. Jesus said.

Also consider this, if the Bible’s message on sex before marriage was obeyed, there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, far fewer abortions, far fewer unwed mothers and unwanted pregnancies, and far fewer children growing up without both parents in their lives.

#5. You picked the wrong person because you didn’t put everything on the table.

Let’s start off with the big one. TRUST! When a spouse is persistently and relentlessly lying about dim-witted things, it causes worry and doubts to set up camp. The journey begins like this. A young man or woman identifies the person he or she wants to marry and begins the business of serious courtship. Time and money are no object. They have a worthy goal and are motivated, even if that means telling lies in the process.

“You look as beautiful today as the day I met you.” “Of course you don’t look fat in that.” “I’m not angry.” “I wasn’t looking at her, I was just noticing her boots.”

Legally, all you need for a wedding is a visit to the county clerk’s office, and whatever else your local government requires. Most weddings these days skip the garter toss; many skip the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and some even skip the flowers. But what matters most is that you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

“If you tell the truth, it becomes part of your past, however, if you tell a lie, it becomes part of your future”. ~ Author Unknown”

Wow does that quote nails it, or what??!!

#6. You picked the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

In many places in the world, a fantasy is promoted that marriage should meet all our needs—the emphasis being on meeting one’s own needs, not the needs of one’s spouse. However, people that are unhappy when single and expect marriage to fulfil their lives are greatly disappointed as their level of contentment will drop even lower when married. Unrealistic expectations are those demands you make of your spouse of which he or she is incapable of providing.

“When you’re single, you experience a range of contentment from low to high. However, when your married, that range becomes even wider in both directions. Greater contentment—or discontentment.”

God wants to destroy you, not the physical you, but the selfish you. Jesus taught us that if we don’t die to our selfish nature, we will never be able to experience all the blessings that God wants to bestow on us. Well, if there was ever an institution designed to kill the selfish you, it’s marriage. In fact, it is virtually impossible to succeed at marriage if you don’t learn how to let the selfish part of you die.

#7. You picked the wrong person because you did not consult with God

“I don’t think I can do any better. He or she said, It may sound clich, but if you don’t respect and love yourself, it will be difficult to respect and love another person.”

Surely we aren’t destined to fail. So maybe we have misunderstood the will of God. I know that sounds simplistic. Many people claim that is the problem with their marriage. If they could go back and press rewind, if they knew back then what they know now, they would have made different decisions. But remember that God promises us that if we ask, He will give. And while asking, request that the Holy Spirit guide you as your Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).

How can a person prevent getting married to the wrong person?

The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right”emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers,

Instead, keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards,” is good advice (Poor Richard’s Almanac, June 1738), but even more helpful is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).

March 29, 2018January 15, 2024

5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage

Living in an over-sexualized culture, we hear messages about sex, wrong messages. These messages become more a part of us than God’s truth because we hear them repetitively and churches are scared to address sexuality.

For too long, I believed the world’s message about sex. That it’s a superficial, feel-good avenue to self-satisfaction. Wrong, partly. God did design sex to feel good!

But, there is more than that. He designed it for profound spiritual, physical, and emotional connection. It is just a shadow of things to come.

God’s design of sex is too amazing to keep silent about.

Here are five truths about God’s design of sex in marriage.

God designed sex to be bonding.

Not only spiritually bonding, but emotionally and physically. When the two become one flesh, biochemicals are released in our bodies like oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin, especially, is a bonding chemical. When I embraced this truth and started engaging in the marriage bed more, the tone of our marriage completely changed.

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis 2:24 (NIV).

God designed sex for both husband and wife to experience pleasure.

It’s an equal opportunity activity. Why else would there be a clitoris? It’s only function is for pleasure. The Song of Solomon is full of beautiful poetic language about the pleasures of physical love for both spouses.

If one spouse struggles with the ultimate moment, there are Christian resources available to help the couple understand how to achieve mutual enjoyment.

“The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved,” Song of Solomon 7:13 (NIV).

God designed sex so that we would know yearning.

Before you were married, you yearned for your fianc. Not only did you crave your fiance’s touch, you craved his/her presence and knowing him/her better. Even after years of marriage, it is good to remember this yearning. It mirrors how God desires us to yearn for him. I believe this is one reason he frequently uses the marriage as a symbol of his relationship with us throughout the Bible.

“Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?” James 4:5 (NIV).

God designed the marriage bed to be a place to show the fruit of the Spirit.

Peace, patience, love, joy, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control are the foundation of all Christian life, especially the marriage bed. All conflict surrounding the marriage bed can be managed through employing these key traits.

My own marriage endured a long season of mismatched sex drives. It was through these qualities and some wise communication tools that we overcame our conflict.

God designed sex as a powerful mystery.

Biblical stories of sex often confused me when I was young. There was some nasty stuff in the old testament, the rape of Dinah, Lot and his daughters, the men of Gibeah clammering for the male visitor, Leviticus 20. And yet, there is the beautiful Song of Solomon. The New Testament seemed to prefer celibacy, to be honest. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why I liked thinking about sex if it was disgraceful and violent.

But, as an adult, I realized the stories were teaching me that sexual intimacy is powerful and mysterious. It’s OK not to have it all figured out, as long as you respect the power it holds to do good when it is aligned with God’s perfect design.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts,” Isaiah 55:8-9.

Final Thoughts

Don’t let the world’s message of cheap sex destroy the meaningful sex in your marriage. Sex may only be a small portion of the whole of your marriage. However, sex matters. It especially matters if one spouse is more interested than the other. When we ignore its power and importance in marriage, the relationship suffers.

Now, granted chronic health issues can affect sexual function and that’s a more complicated story.