Tag: Toxic

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Don’t Sweep It Under The Rug

Do you remember the popular song with a catchy tune called “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”? It’s bright melody and simple message could almost convince you that by brushing all your worries under a rug and forcing a smile, you could fill yourself with happiness. But true happiness doesn’t work like that. Instead, it is bundled up with gratitude.

Gratitude depends not on ignoring what’s going on in our lives, but in choosing to see and accept the deepest reality about our existence. Jesus’ encounter with the woman “who lived a sinful life”, demonstrates this beautifully. You see, the Pharisees had swept all their sins under the rug of self-righteousness and self-sufficiency. They chose to ignore the truth of their brokenness and his deep need for forgiveness. Their ingratitude produced a toxic bitterness that caused them to completely miss the fact that the Saviour of the world, and their souls, was standing right in front of them.

Today, this sinful sex worker who anointed Jesus didn’t miss her Saviour. There could be no sweeping of sins under the rug for her. Everyone seemed to know about them anyway. So, in acknowledgement of her brokenness and receiving the forgiveness Jesus offers, her heart and her hands poured out her gratitude. What’s under your rug? What’s under mine? Let’s bring it out, acknowledge it, and accept the forgiveness that only Jesus offers.

I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little. (Luke 7:47).

Let’s Pray

Yahweh, today I overflow with gratitude for your forgiveness of all my sins. In Jesus name, Amen.

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I’m White, Privileged With a Message on Racism That The World Is Missing

Racism is a pretty controversial topic, especially in the world we live in today. Among Christians, things can get especially dicey, as the rest of the world’s eyes are just staring and waiting for us to make a mistake.

Remember in Matthew 22:39 when Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself?” Right there, the Bible is directly telling us that to loathe someone based solely on the color of their skin, is a sin. But I didn’t always understand that.

It’s easier to admit to sin when everybody else has done it, but here I am today doing something that’s far from easy; I struggled to love my neighbor as myself. It wasn’t how I was raised, but the environments I was around in every single job situation planted seeds of hate into my heart. I pushed away when God started to deal with me about it. I’d say things like, “I’m not racist. I have diversity in my life. I’m not a hater.”

Yet all the while, I wouldn’t speak up when my coworkers at a freelance writing gig would tell racist jokes, sometimes I’d even play along just because “everybody else was doing it.” I worked for almost eight months for an internet political publication; an environment that was toxic waste disguised as candy. Some of the articles I was assigned to write were satirical and entertaining, but then there was a vast majority that I was told to write, that made ugly and cringy remarks about other races, cultures, and people in general in ways I wasn’t comfortable doing. But like an idiot, I didn’t refuse to do the work; I played along in hopes of gaining everybody’s favor.

After a while, all the jokes and satirical remarks started to become more than just horseplay; I started to really believe the things I was being told and dwelled on how much I didn’t like people who weren’t like me. Still, when God would deal with me about it, I would shove it off and say that “I just wasn’t like that.” That it was all fun and games. I was living a lie.

Eventually, the publication went out of business, and I went on to pursue other writing opportunities. I was upset at the time, but now I thank God that he took me away from all that stress.

It was at a church conference that God started to deal with me again. I realized that though I wasn’t as “extreme” as people you might see online, I was enabling it, writing and promoting it, and thinking those thoughts. God told me that he did not call me to be a hater, and during the altar call I ran, fell to my knees and poured my heart out to Him and told him how sorry I was. I know that He has forgiven me, and restored me to a place of love rather than hate.

I’m telling you all of this because I know I’m not the only one who has struggled in this area. I didn’t like the person I let the world turn me into, and God didn’t either. God has commanded us to love, not hate.

Today I am not the same person I was when I began my pursuit of writing. God took away the ugly sin and created a beautiful testimony; one that I will not shy away from. Am I ashamed of all the ugly things I published during my first writing gig? Absolutely. But it is a reminder of who I was before God totally transformed my mindset. I am no longer addicted to outrage, hatred is not in my heart; instead, God’s love has completely and totally transformed me.

God wants to deal with you about some stuff too; stuff that may not necessarily be easy to admit to yourself that you’ve done. But once you’re honest with both yourself and God, and ask for His forgiveness, it will radically change your life.

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Guatemala’s Fuego Volcano Claims Lives in Deadly Eruption

Deadly Guatemala Volcano Claims Lives

All over the world, there have been many natural disasters that have claimed the lives of many, from earthquakes and floods to hurricanes and volcanoes. On June 3 Guatemala’s Fuego volcano erupted, sending a pyroclastic flow that devoured coffee farms and a golf resort, descending even further to cause terror and destruction to all those it encountered.

The Fuego volcano is one of the most active volcanoes in Central America and in the Ring of Fire chain. Volcan de Fuego, which means “Volcano of Fire”, erupted on Sunday, the most devastating eruption that the country has seen in four decades. Miles of thick plumes of ash were shot into the sky, raining down on nearby towns, covering them in a thick layer of ash and volcanic rock.

Dangerous flows of lava, ash and toxic gases continue to pour down several canyons below the crater of Volcan de Fuego, killing many people in its path of destruction. The violent eruption has claimed the lives of 109 people, with time running out for rescue chances. Thousands of people have been displaced and have sought refuge in shelters, with many of them mourning the loss of dead loved ones or holding onto a fading hope of finding missing family under the thick gray ash covering the stricken region. The rainfall that followed the eruption has made it difficult for rescuers to dig through the debris, rocks, and mud, and with many of the bodies already charred, heavy machinery will only result in tearing the corpses apart.

The most recent eruption of Kilauea on the Big Island of Hawaii that began just a month ago is a clear indication that volcanoes are significantly different, ranging in their ability to create destruction, loss of life and speed. In Hawaii, most of the lava has oozed from fissures, traveling at a slow pace, posing little threat to people. However, many houses and buildings have been destroyed by the lava’s chosen path.

The Fuego volcano’s eruptions, on the other hand, have been explosive and deadly, with fast-moving and scorching hot clouds of volcanic ash and gases that have claimed the lives of over 100 people with many more still missing. Typical lava flows do not kill people, as they move slow enough for you to get out of the way, but pyroclastic flows are dangerous with temperatures reaching as high as 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit. One cannot hope to survive a pyroclastic, as the ash clouds can fall at speeds of 100 miles an hour or more, easily overtaking people trying to run away from its deadly path.

Alfonso Castillo, who lived with his extended family on a plot in Los Lotes, described the huge ash that came pouring down as a “sea” of muck that destroyed homes, people, pets, and wildlife.

“In a matter of three or four minutes the village disappeared,” Castillo said.

We need to take the time to include these people in our prayers, that our Father would have mercy on them and help those who are suffering from the destruction caused by the deadly volcano.

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Getting Rid of Toxic Thoughts – the Key to Clear and Creative Thinking

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Agile Methodologies

Dr. Andrew Butterworth is a Content Writer, Author, Coach, Pastor.

Have you ever felt uneasy when somebody’s name gets mentioned? Or when the name of a previous company gets brought up? Perhaps a past relationship that didn’t end well?

All of us go through life. We have good experiences and bad experiences. It’s the nature of being human. Those bad experiences can even make us stronger. We learn lessons and if we are wise, we make sure we don’t repeat the experience again.

But here’s the rub: if things from the past trigger negative emotions inside of you it means there are people or experiences taking up space in your brain that you just don’t need. It’s like a physical wound that doesn’t heal. Physical wounds should heal and scar. But sometimes they don’t. If there is dirt inside they can get infected. They are really sensitive when they get knocked. Ow!

It’s the same for emotional wounds. Most of the time we process the wounds well and they heal. But sometimes they don’t and they linger inside.

You and I don’t need that emotionally. Life’s hard enough without having emotional wounds that aren’t fully healed.

Have you ever been in a stressful time at work and then somebody triggers a wound from the past? Or have you ever been on the end of somebody’s emotion when you’ve triggered that wound? Why did they react so over the top? It’s because you hit a wound.

The good news is there is an answer. We have an inbuilt ability to process pain from the past that allows things to heal. These memories no longer need to take up valuable space in our brain.

Anybody can learn how to do it. It just takes practice.

So what’s the key? The key is forgiveness. Weird I know. But forgiving properly means that you no longer use precious brain power ruminating over the past. That brain power could be put to much better use. Who want’s to live in the past anyway? Life is for the present.

I know what you are thinking: It seems too simplistic. Or, you’ve tried that and it didn’t work. Or even ‘that’s letting them off the hook’. But forgiveness really works. I have helped almost a hundred people process their toxic thoughts and get real freedom. The commonest response people say is ‘I feel so much lighter’ or ‘It’s like a burden has been lifted off me’.

In some ways, you are letting them off the hook because you are choosing something better. You are releasing them from being locked up inside of your brain. But the person who gets free is you.

In reality, not forgiving only harms yourself.

Somebody once said failing to forgive is like buying a poison and then drinking it yourself. Nobody gets harmed more by your toxic thoughts than yourself.

In contrast, forgiving people releases this and creates valuable space in your brain for other things. It makes space for other things, like creativity.

Have a think: How much creativity are you losing out on because your brain power is being taken up with toxic thoughts?

I encourage you to try forgiveness out. It’s incredibly freeing. You can do it by yourself, but sometimes it’s helpful to have somebody guide you through it. There are many people out there who can help. Engaging somebody who is skilled in this is probably one of the best investments you’ll ever make.

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Which of These 5 Types of Project Managers Are You?

The outcome of a project largely depends on the behaviour of the manager as their actions will directly influence the behaviour of the team. Even with all the efforts, employees may put forth to salvage a once positive work environment, at the core of every toxic working environment is the bad manager. There are different types of managers, and each one has their own characteristics that determine how employees will react, the working environment and overall production.  Five common types include:

1. Laissez-Faire

‘Laissez-Faire’, is French for leaving things to take their own course without interference. These types of managers tend to leave subordinates to get on with the work on their own and have little to no communication with them. They fail to provide regular feedback when supervising. Though this form of management may seem irresponsible, it requires a lot of trust. Highly experienced and capable employees need very little interference, as they are trusted to do the task to the best of their abilities. However, when it comes to employees with limited experience, this form of management means there will be low production value as these employees feel they do not have to do any work due to the lack of authority they have over them. It can also make these employees a lot harder to control and since work is not being done, resources, money and time are wasted, which in turn increases the costs of the project.

2. Autocratic

This form of management is most suitable for places such as the Army as it gives the manager complete power. These types of managers make all the decisions with very little or no input from the subordinates, and since they have total authority over them, employees find it hard to challenge the manager. This can create an atmosphere of fear and because of this quality of work and production may increase, however, retention rates might increase along with it, as employees may feel threatened and begin to resent their job. Nonetheless, this form of management might be suitable for employees who need close supervision as they need to be told what to do and when, but creative employees will find it hard to work in an autocratic environment.

3. Participative

This type of manager values every member of the team and listens to whatever input employees may have. However, the manager ultimately makes the final decision. This form of management will increase morale as employees make contributions towards the decision-making process and they feel that their opinions matter. With this management style, the employees easily accept changes in the company as they played a role in the process. As morale increases, production will increase along with it, making this a very effective management style.

4. Transactional

This management style is used to give out either rewards or punishments to employees depending on their performance. The manager along with the employees set goals together and agree on rewards or punishments depending on whether or not they reach their goal. The employees then follow direction and instructions set by the managers in order to achieve the goal. The manager has the power to analyze the results of the project and either give out rewards and praise the employees or train the employees depending on the outcome.

5. Transformational

This type of management is used to increase the morale of the employees and is normally used in situations where employees feel discouraged. There are high levels of communication between the manager and the subordinates to reach their goals. These leaders motivate the employees and enhance efficiency and production using communication. These types of managers delegate smaller tasks to smaller teams and focus on the big picture to achieve their overall goals.

Conclusion

There are many different types of managers, and some are used specifically to adapt to certain situations. Some management styles are more effective than others however it depends on the type of employees they are supervising, the task at hand, and the goals that are set.

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3 Tips for Dealing with a Manipulative Project Co-Worker

Are you stuck working with a project manager who is manipulative and dishonest? If you are, you’re not alone!

Today’s workplace is a cut-throat environment with everyone trying to get ahead in some way, shape, or form. It’s no surprise that there are malicious, sneaky project managers who will do anything to get a leg up to succeed or survive, even if it means throwing you under the bus. Like a clever politician, these project managers keep their desires hidden, but underneath a friendly and charming exterior is a highly destructive individual whose goals are power and control. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he or she adopts the mantra of “company first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his or hers claims of a selfless pursuit of noble causes.

Regardless of your industry, profession, experience level or company, these manipulative people exist and, if given the right opportunity, they can ruin your reputation and career prospects. They’ll tell you that the entire team hates you, thinks you’re arrogant, stupid, or incompetent, and attempt to manipulate you into believing that their opinions are objective facts. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology called it “social undermining” and “bottom line mentality.”

“According to a recent survey,  roughly 90% of folks who read this post are presently working with at least one person who, mentally, would be described as a manipulator”.

Proving yourself in a new organization is hard enough. When someone manipulates and lies about you, it can hurt your relationships, your reputation, and your career. Luckily, Project Journal has 3 tips for effectively dealing with this workplace danger.

1. Don’t Ignore Your Gut
I should’ve seen it coming. Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear-cut answer to the question “Friend or foe.” If you find yourself putting up your guard around a co-worker, you might wonder if you’re imagining things and being paranoid? Well, maybe you are, but under no circumstances should you ignore your feeling. From experience, this is often the very first sign of trouble. Weak leaders sometimes resort to emotional deceit as a weapon for getting things done. Try to consider facts objectively. Manipulation is normally felt, rather than heard or seen, so you must listen to your gut.

What makes you mistrust this person?  Do they constantly gossip? If so, be careful as those who gossip to you, will probably be doing the same about you too and like Mom always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Plus, you don’t want to get caught up in the drama when people find out about this control freak’s gossiping.

Trust that you will be thrown under the bus when “stuff” hits the fan. If you’re still unsure, you should run their behaviour by objective people you trust. As trust is built on the foundations of a good relationship, instead of basing trust on someone’s words, observe their deeds.

2. Dealing with a Bad Apple
There’s a lot to be said for the old saying, “One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.” Not only is that true for fruit, but it holds a lot of merit in the work environment. Rude behavior is contagious. Toxic manipulative employees have an unhealthy ripple effect that harms co-workers, managers, and subordinates alike. They lack positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. They dwell in a very dark place lit only by their own ambition.

“It takes just one malicious employee among the ranks to wreak havoc on your team’s culture.”

Healthy human interactions are not dominated by manipulation. If you feel you can’t trust them, don’t. Manipulators do not communicate openly. Instead, they resort to flattery or play the victim to gain your trust and sympathy. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, they influence and control others and have a fair amount of social support, most likely because no one wants to be on their bad side. But that doesn’t mean their behavior isn’t harmful.

Your priority in this situation must be to protect your professional standing. Begin documenting every instance of destructive behavior and take it to a higher authority. When a co-worker starts manipulating you and ignoring the behavior doesn’t work, distance yourself, if possible and keep all correspondences. When colleagues try to sabotage you, they might tell you lies to cause you to make mistakes. The more you cover yourself, the less you have to worry about. Change your passwords, shut down your computer when you leave your desk, and keep sensitive documents under lock and key. Remember to “choose your words carefully when sending emails so that things you write can’t come back to bite you. Unfortunately, if you lose your cool, you will be in danger of looking undignified.”

“When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him.”
’- George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

It can be tempting to excuse the antagonistic worker who seems zealous about his job, but clearly, those employees may be undermining the entire workforce. Being direct lets the other person know you’re aware of their manipulative behavior, and in some cases, that may be enough to nip it in the bud.  If you stay out of their world of negativity, you will be a much more difficult target for their manipulation.

3. Counteracting Sabotage
Manipulators are blind to the serious defects in their character, but keenly aware of the slightest weakness or imperfection in others. They are judgmental, suspicious, demanding and calculating, all negative personality characteristics. Even their outward charm is cold and calculated. Before you can deal with the situation, you need to understand the impact.

Is it a small lie with little effect? Is it a big lie that requires damage control or even legal action? Consider how others might view the situation. Although it may be difficult, the best choice might be simply to move on as the people who make it in the long-term are the ones who are honest, hardworking and able to maintain their professionalism.

“According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, workplace sabotage is on the rise in this difficult economy.”

If you choose to directly address the situation. It is critical to use neutral language and tone of voice. Do not stoop to their level, it is important to keep your integrity. Consider having witnesses to your conversation so it’s not your word against theirs.

Your final action can be accepting an apology and moving on, or it can be reporting the lie to a higher authority. In extreme cases, it can be making a formal complaint or hiring an attorney. It’s smart to search for job postings, even when you have no intention to quit. Obviously, you don’t want to let one bad apple lead to your resignation but, if nothing else, knowing you have options can help you feel more empowered and in control of the situation.

Other signs sabotage may be in the works: You don’t receive a promotion or responsibilities you logically should have gotten; cold or averse behavior from management that is (seemingly) out of nowhere; sudden and unexplained alienation by individual co-workers or even entire cliques; or unwarranted and continuous kind behavior from someone that was formerly aloof, ambivalent or even aggressive.

Manipulative behavior is widespread, but fortunately, it doesn’t exist everywhere. Do you have manipulative co-workers? How do you dodge their requests and still manage to pave a successful career path?  Tell us what you think?

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