Tag: godly man

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Ladies, Hope for A Joseph-like Husband

Ladies, Hope for A Joseph-like Husband

Many Christian women speak about finding a husband like Boaz, which is fine as he had many good qualities. However, I have yet to come across a Christian woman that expresses the need to find a husband like Joseph, the most beloved of Jacob’s sons and a godly man.

Recently I attended my cousin’s wedding and as a result, I was bombarded with questions about when I was going to get married. One of my aunties even tried to drag me over to the dance floor to stand a chance of catching the bride’s bouquet. Thankfully I was firmly behind the serving table when I argued the fact that technically, I wasn’t all that single and that I wasn’t even on the ‘market’. I firmly believe that GOD has the right someone for everyone and that if you’re patient and faithful, He will reveal that person at the right time. How can we say that we give GOD control but still choose to actively hunt for a husband? Our time is best spent drawing closer to GOD and letting Him handle that important aspect of our lives.

Attending the wedding got me thinking about marriage and the kind of man that I would one day marry. Joseph is one of my favorite people from the Bible and he holds many characteristics of an ideal husband. While many women consider Boaz and even Jesus’ earthly father, Joseph, as men with good husband qualities, the Genesis Joseph appeals to me more. Here’s why:

  • First of all, the name Joseph means ‘GOD increases or adds to’ so that’s a good start right there!
  • Joseph was a principled man. He was an honest man of character and integrity. Look at the number of times that he was tempted. But did he give in? Nope. Not once. A godly man like Joseph would not cheat on his wife because he honors GOD above all else.
  • He was humble. This man had all the power and prestige as a man who was second to Pharoah in all things. However, he didn’t let this get to his head. He was always aware of the fact that it was GOD who had put him in that position. As a husband, there would be no gloating and feather primping.
  • He was disciplined. This man was sold into slavery by his own brothers and spent time in prison for a crime that he did not commit. However, he didn’t let any of this make him bitter and forsake his GOD. He disciplined himself to make the most of his situation and remained faithful to GOD, knowing that GOD would come through for him. He had a long-term vision- it wasn’t a case of here and now, but of what was to come by GOD’S hand.
  • Faithfulness. Not once did Joseph’s commitment to GOD waver. Not once. He remained faithful to Him at his lowest moment and at his highest moment. A husband that remains faithful to GOD despite his situation is a keeper:)
  • Grace. Out of pure jealousy, Joseph’s own brothers sold him into slavery. That’s a hard blow. But still, he chose to show grace and mercy to his brothers and forgave them. Such a godly characteristic is a must in a husband.
  • He was a competent man. This man did his best in all that he did. He was a man of excellence- he truly excelled in all of his jobs! Whether as a servant, an interpreter, a ruler or manager of his family’s flock, he did it all to the best of his abilities.
  • Joseph was a wise man. Did you know that he was 30 when he stepped in to help set up Egypt for the famine that was to come? It’s not like he went to business school or something, but he managed to see them through the famine. Without a doubt, it was GOD that blessed him with such wisdom.
  • He was also strategic. I love planning and will often plan for events many months in advance (my family finds that rather irritating!). Joseph was a planner. He successfully planned for the famine by instructing officials to gather up food and store it during the years of plenty.

Not all women will share my opinion about a Joseph-like husband, but when in doubt about someone that you’re considering or possibly even getting married to, base their characteristics on the verses from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 like so:

“Joseph is patient, Joseph is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Joseph does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

If you can honestly say that the man you are batting your eyelashes at embodies these values, then you have a godly man who is full of the Holy Spirit.

Now, it wouldn’t be right for me to talk about waiting for the right man without saying that you need to be a godly woman yourself. Often I receive compliments on my cooking skills and I’m told that because of it I’ll make a good wife, but a part of me always rebels against that. Sure enough, my future husband will be spoilt when it comes to food, but that cannot be the ruler that I’ll be measured against when it comes to being a good wife. The Bible has much to say about being a good wife, and that for me is a far better source. Scriptures speak about a noble wife who is worth more than rubies, a wife who her husband has full confidence in, and who brings him good. She is not a slanderer and is sober and faithful in all things. She loves her husband and children and she exercises self-control. She is pure and kind and is subject to her husband so that no one will malign the word of GOD. She respects her husband and loves him deeply, knowing that GOD has joined them together for His good purpose.

Whether you are a wife or a wife-to-be, put your name in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and see how you stack up. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but we must remember to honor our vows and faithfully remain at our husband’s side. It is not good for a man to be alone, and with a marriage of two people who put GOD first in everything, he never will be.

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She’s Interested and He’s Not Pursuing

There’s a joke going around: men in the church are like parking spaces. The good ones are either already taken — or they’re handicapped.

Houston, we have a problem. It’s a problem that will require all of our effort, courage, confidence and creativity to solve.

Christianity is the largest religion in the world, claiming 2.2 billion of the world’s 6.9 billion people, as of last year and dating is a big deal for most young Christians. However, ask any young woman what the Christian dating scene is like these days.

“Christian men … ugh.”  Grim. Impossible. Slim pickings they’ll  say.

Young Christian men simply won’t commit, they’ll  say and if you’re lucky they’ll  call once – never to be heard from again.

And the churchgoing men who are available? Well, there’s a reason they’re single.

“Usually, he respects or admires the godly young woman (or, other people in his Church think he should admire her more), and yet he’s not physically attracted to her. She’s not his “type,” he says.”

So why are all the single Christian ladies having trouble finding single Christian guys for companionship and romance?  A plethora of Christian dating websites, books, blogs, advice columns, and magazine articles have surfaced in the last few years, attempting to give Christian young women some helpful tips for snagging a godly man and achieving that much-desired state of wedded bliss.

  • Date for at least a year.
  • Don’t kiss before you’re married.
  • Be careful how much time you spend together.
  • Date a bunch of people before getting serious.
  • Don’t unless you are ready to move in the direction of marriage.  

It’s not terrible advice— waiting until marriage takes work. But here’s the thing: Relationships take work.  However, while most Chrisitan ladies have internal regulations in the form of our Spirit inspired convictions and knowledge of the Bible, it does not seem to be enough?

Could it be that we screened all the godly young men out of church as boys?  

Probably not entirely, as according to Mark Regenerus, a sociology professor at the University of Texas, young single women in the church outnumber young single men by a three-to-two ratio.

That’s right ladies, you’re not imagining it: there’s a severe shortage of single men in the church. Not just here in the U.S., but also around the world.

“There are almost no men in my country who are following Christ. And French men will not marry a woman whose faith in Jesus is so strong. She is a leper in their eyes.” –  Christian woman from France

A young godly man knows he’s a catch – particularly if he’s dedicated to his faith, good looking and works out and there are hardly any other man is his Church. With each week that passes, he’s presented with a congregation full of single women. Most haven’t been on a date in a while. He has his pick of the bunch.

There’s even a joke about the gender imbalance. It goes like this:

“Men in the church are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either already taken, or they’re handicapped.”

Furthermore, it has been confirmed that the supply of young women grows with each passing year.

So whats the solution?

God Will Orchestrate the Love Story

Do you find yourself becoming resentful that God is withholding something from you?

  • Still waiting to find the man of your dreams
  • Your greatest desire is to have a baby
  • You want to experience the joy of being “equally yoked” with a godly husband

Desperation is dangerous because it focuses on self: What I want. What I must have. What I cannot live without. Firstly,  if and when the time comes for you to be married, God will orchestrate the love story. But in the meantime, your focus is to be on serving God and pouring your life out for God, not on getting serious about getting married. The timing is up to God, not you.

Singled Out in Church

Secondly, research shows that single men are more likely to attend churches that fit the following profile:

  • Large
  • Headed by a male pastor who’s bold and outspoken
  • Offers intentional male discipleship
  • Worship service is done in under 90 minutes

Apart from salvation, there is perhaps a way that the concept “God helps those who help themselves” is correct. We’re not suggesting you switch churches over this issue. It probably wouldn’t hurt to visit another church once in awhile – especially if your church offers nothing for singles.

Also remember that there are actually some Christ-men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young woman – one who is not following after the trends of the culture, or who are not wallowing around in discontentment or on the constant prowl for a guy.

Any pastors who are reading, have you ever stopped to listen, really listen, to the women in your church about how they feel they are treated or perceived?

Any other advice?

 

 

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