Troubled Heart, Take Refuge in God
All around me are troubled hearts. It just seems that around every corner, in every news story, on social media, and in my small little burg hearts are broken, abused, and trampled. Are all of our prayer petitions for naught? Where is God?
Last night at my book club gathering at our local public library, a former student saw me and quickly came in for a big hug. Gosh, how they grow. I said, “You’re a senior now, right?” He told me he was and how he had plans to enters trade school in Nashville, Tennessee this fall. I was over the moon. You see, most of my students were minorities from severely impoverished homes. I preached setting goals, getting an education, and championing poverty. I, myself, was born in the government projects with a struggling mom, an alcoholic father, and four siblings. I so often felt like I was seeing a classroom full of me as I taught. I had figured out the code of breaking the cycle of poverty: God, education, and service. I held a precious key that I hoped they would accept. Sadly, not all of them do.
He then said, “Did you hear about DTay?” A shadow crossed his face. I said, “No, what’s up?” He lowered his head and eyes and replied, “They found him dead and beaten to death on Old Mill Road by the tracks down from the Eastside.” My heart crumpled within my chest. Only 18 years old and a life tragically ended. These things shouldn’t happen in rural, small towns in Tennessee like mine, but they do. It is a statistical fact. In the U.S., black males ages 15-34 number one killer is a homicide. My heart is troubled. We hugged again and I told him to get his education and my prayers were with him and all my students until my last breath.
This morning I opened my devotional to begin my day. The first verse was John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled.” I felt like Thomas. I’m lost and I do not know the way out of this mad, mad world that young men die so brutally and often. Let’s not forget cancer, addictions, the shrinking middle class, divorces, and abject poverty. Then I heard, “I am the way. I’m always with you. I’ve gone before you to create a better place. There are many rooms in my Father’s house.” I took a deep breath remembering my student. I know that those rooms are for lost youth, broken people with addictions, and those who struggle to eek by on this earth. My joy has always come from knowing God is for and with me. This isn’t our last stop. If you have a troubled heart today, I urge you to say a simple prayer, “God help me.” God is within those banged up hearts, just open your heart to Him.
Should I Do Yoga if I am a Christian?
Recently I’ve been on a spiritual journey that includes deep prayer, meditation, and mindfulness to help me to connect with God. At the same time, I’ve also been on the hunt for some low-impact stretching that could potentially help with chronic pain in a natural way.
Meditation and stretching. Put those two together and what do you get?
Yoga.
So, I’ve said I need to stretch. And I find that meditation brings me closer to God. These all naturally come together in the form of yoga. But, as a Christian, should I do yoga? Am I allowed? Will Jesus love me less?
Well, first, let’s see”¦what does the Bible say about the word “yoga”? Nothing. Zero. There’s no record of that word being used.
So now what do I do? Since the Bible doesn’t talk about yoga specifically, I have to use the brains God gave me to dig a bit deeper. Then I can determine how best to deal with this current cultural trend.
Let’s start with a few of the basics:
Yoga began as a spiritual disciple in Hindu which includes breath control, meditation, and static postures of the body. Some people who practice yoga are active Hindus or Buddhists. Many are not.
In the western world, yoga is a broad term that is often descriptive of people engaging in the physical body postures that encourage strength and stamina. Sometimes this is combined with meditation for mental strength, but not exclusively. Some yoga classes used sacred words such as “Om”, “Namaste”, and certain chants that hint to Buddhism and Hinduism. Other classes make no reference to the spiritual world at all and are simply a form of physical exercise. Yoga potures have Sanskrit names that have spiritual meanings. Many times these are replaced with English names that simply describe the form the body is taking. (For instance, “lotus” has become “criss-cross applesauce”.)
The word “yoga” in Sanskrit means “yoke” or “union with God”. God tells me to not worship another god, and I must obey.
So I know that yoga started as an ancient spiritual practice of another religion which should lead me to move forward with caution. But I also know that Jesus came to redeem all things.
Is it possible to engage in a moderated form of yoga that feeds our Christian souls, or should we avoid it altogether? Can we be aware of the potential pitfalls and dangers of the spiritual side of yoga and then practice it in a meaningful way with a Christian bent and attitude?
The famous American minister John Piper seems to think that we can’t. He says we should avoid yoga completely, citing it as antithetical to Christianity.
Don’t get me wrong, I think Piper has some good things to offer. But in this situation I tend to think that maybe he’s throwing the proverbial “baby out with the bathwater”.
Christians have often taken “secular” symbols or practices and re-stored them into something that is healthy and even God-glorifying. Take Christmas, for example. December 25, the day on which we now celebrate Jesus’ birth, was reclaimed from the pagans. That date was redeemed from a pagan holiday to a Christian celebration.
Jesus has come to redeem all things. Even pagan holidays. Possibly even stretching and meditation and breathing?
Over the ages, Christians have used wisdom and the discernment to choose what is right for them as individuals and as a Body of believers. To apply Jesus’ redemption to various non-Christian things.
“Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.” 1 Corinthians 10:23
So I need to decide if yoga could be beneficial (or detrimental) to me. In my case, I truly believe God has given me the wisdom and discernment to be able to stretch and strengthen my body without accidentally worshipping a false god. I even believe that I can meditate and breathe while I simultaneously reflect and contemplate how incredible God is. All without slipping into the devil’s snare.
But I am aware that this may not be the case for all people.
Personally, think that I can apply the idea of a “yoke” or “union with God” in yoga to my relationship with Christ. But that doesn’t mean I’ll just sign up for any yoga class that is offered. I need to be wise and first ask questions about how spiritual a class is before taking it. For my own purposes, I tend to learn at home with videos, so there’s not much of a risk of me getting caught in an awkward situation. If something gets a little weird, I can just turn it off.
Holy Yoga is a practice that is gaining traction, offering the grounding of the Gospel while reframing the positive aspects of yoga in a Christian way.
“Holy Yoga embraces the essential elements of yoga: breath work, meditation and physical postures. In all of these elements, Christ is the focus of our intention and worship.”
So as I‘m making a decision about yoga (or anything in my life!), I need to ask if it creates a risk of becoming a detriment to my walk with Jesus. If so, then I absolutely shouldn’t do it! But if yoga can be practiced in a way that is healthy to my body and mind, while drawing me closer to Christ with mindfulness and meditation, then is it possible that even John Piper can’t argue with that?
5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage
Living in an over-sexualized culture, we hear messages about sex, wrong messages. These messages become more a part of us than God’s truth because we hear them repetitively and churches are scared to address sexuality.
For too long, I believed the world’s message about sex. That it’s a superficial, feel-good avenue to self-satisfaction. Wrong, partly. God did design sex to feel good!
But, there is more than that. He designed it for profound spiritual, physical, and emotional connection. It is just a shadow of things to come.
God’s design of sex is too amazing to keep silent about.
Here are five truths about God’s design of sex in marriage.
God designed sex to be bonding.
Not only spiritually bonding, but emotionally and physically. When the two become one flesh, biochemicals are released in our bodies like oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin, especially, is a bonding chemical. When I embraced this truth and started engaging in the marriage bed more, the tone of our marriage completely changed.
“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis 2:24 (NIV).
God designed sex for both husband and wife to experience pleasure.
It’s an equal opportunity activity. Why else would there be a clitoris? It’s only function is for pleasure. The Song of Solomon is full of beautiful poetic language about the pleasures of physical love for both spouses.
If one spouse struggles with the ultimate moment, there are Christian resources available to help the couple understand how to achieve mutual enjoyment.
“The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved,” Song of Solomon 7:13 (NIV).
God designed sex so that we would know yearning.
Before you were married, you yearned for your fianc. Not only did you crave your fiance’s touch, you craved his/her presence and knowing him/her better. Even after years of marriage, it is good to remember this yearning. It mirrors how God desires us to yearn for him. I believe this is one reason he frequently uses the marriage as a symbol of his relationship with us throughout the Bible.
“Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?” James 4:5 (NIV).
God designed the marriage bed to be a place to show the fruit of the Spirit.
Peace, patience, love, joy, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control are the foundation of all Christian life, especially the marriage bed. All conflict surrounding the marriage bed can be managed through employing these key traits.
My own marriage endured a long season of mismatched sex drives. It was through these qualities and some wise communication tools that we overcame our conflict.
God designed sex as a powerful mystery.
Biblical stories of sex often confused me when I was young. There was some nasty stuff in the old testament, the rape of Dinah, Lot and his daughters, the men of Gibeah clammering for the male visitor, Leviticus 20. And yet, there is the beautiful Song of Solomon. The New Testament seemed to prefer celibacy, to be honest. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why I liked thinking about sex if it was disgraceful and violent.
But, as an adult, I realized the stories were teaching me that sexual intimacy is powerful and mysterious. It’s OK not to have it all figured out, as long as you respect the power it holds to do good when it is aligned with God’s perfect design.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts,” Isaiah 55:8-9.
Final Thoughts
Don’t let the world’s message of cheap sex destroy the meaningful sex in your marriage. Sex may only be a small portion of the whole of your marriage. However, sex matters. It especially matters if one spouse is more interested than the other. When we ignore its power and importance in marriage, the relationship suffers.
Now, granted chronic health issues can affect sexual function and that’s a more complicated story.
24 of Bonhoeffer’s Most Challenging Quotes
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German pastor, theologian, spy, anti-Nazi dissident, key founding member of the Confessing Church as well as one of the most influential spiritual voices across the globe for decades. It’s a good thing for the modern Church that Bonhoeffer was determined in his course.
Bonhoeffer grew up amid the academic circles of the University of Berlin, where his father, Karl Bonhoeffer, was a professor of psychiatry and neurology and was awarded a doctorate in 1927 at the age of only 21. He also studied at Union Theological Seminary in New York from 1930–1931. During that time he attended Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem and became deeply interested in the issue of racial injustice.
Bonhoeffer’s involvement in a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler led to his imprisonment and execution on the 9th April 1945.
More than seventy years after his death, Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s writings on faith, the Church, ethics and the nature of God serve as a touchstone for all of us who seek to understand a Christian’s responsibility in the face of injustice and have gone on to have a profound influence on Western Culture and the legions of Christian thinkers who’ve encountered them ever since. He also remains an important symbol of opposition to Hitler.
Here’s a look back at some of Bonhoeffer’s most powerful quotes.
ON GRACE
“Cheap grace is preaching forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”
ON JUDGING OTHERS
“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
ON LIFE
“Christianity preaches the infinite worth of that which is seemingly worthless and the infinite worthlessness of that which is seemingly so valued.”
ON SIN
“May we be enabled to say ‘No’ to sin and ‘Yes’ to the sinner.”
ON JUDGING
“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
ON SERVING GOD
“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”
ON GOD’S LOVE
“God does not love some ideal person, but rather human beings just as we are, not some ideal world, but rather the real world.”
ON GOD’S WILL
“Being a Christian is less about cautiously avoiding sin than about courageously and actively doing God’s will.”
ON SERVING OTHERS
“The Church is the Church only when it exists for others, not dominating, but helping and serving. It must tell men of every calling what it means to live for Christ, to exist for others.”
ON OBEDIENCE
“One act of obedience is worth a hundred sermons.”
ON EVIL
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
ON AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
“We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.”
ON STANDING UP FOR INJUSTICE
“If I sit next to a madman as he drives a car into a group of innocent bystanders, I can’t, as a Christian, simply wait for the catastrophe, then comfort the wounded and bury the dead. I must try to wrestle the steering wheel out of the hands of the driver.”
ON GRATITUDE
“In normal life we hardly realize how much more we receive than we give, and life cannot be rich without such gratitude. It is so easy to overestimate the importance of our own achievements compared with what we owe to the help of others.”
ON FOLLOWING CHRIST
“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”
ON INJUSTICE
“We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.”
ON PEACE
“There is no way to peace along the way of safety. For peace must be dared, it is itself the great venture and can never be safe. Peace is the opposite of security. To demand guarantees is to want to protect oneself. Peace means giving oneself completely to God’s commandment, wanting no security, but in faith and obedience laying the destiny of the nations in the hand of Almighty God, not trying to direct it for selfish purposes. Battles are won, not with weapons, but with God. They are won when the way leads to the cross.”
ON ‘DEFENDING’ THE BIBLE
“Do not try to make the Bible relevant. Its relevance is axiomatic. Do not defend God’s word, but testify to it. Trust to the Word. It is a ship loaded to the very limits of its capacity.”
ON REAL MORALITY
“The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.”
ON PEOPLE
“We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
ON SPIRITUALITY
“When all is said and done, the life of faith is nothing if not an unending struggle of the spirit with every available weapon against the flesh.”
ON FELLOWSHIP
“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists of listening to them. Just as love of God begins with listening to his word, so the beginning of love for our brothers and sisters is learning to listen to them.”
ON PROOF OF GOD
“A God who let us prove his existence would be an idol.”
ON THE FUTURE
“The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.”
She’s Interested and He’s Not Pursuing
Houston, we have a problem. It’s a problem that will require all of our effort, courage, confidence and creativity to solve.
Christianity is the largest religion in the world, claiming 2.2 billion of the world’s 6.9 billion people, as of last year and dating is a big deal for most young Christians. However, ask any young woman what the Christian dating scene is like these days.
“Christian men … ugh.” Grim. Impossible. Slim pickings they’ll say.
Young Christian men simply won’t commit, they’ll say and if you’re lucky they’ll call once – never to be heard from again.
And the churchgoing men who are available? Well, there’s a reason they’re single.
“Usually, he respects or admires the godly young woman (or, other people in his Church think he should admire her more), and yet he’s not physically attracted to her. She’s not his “type,” he says.”
So why are all the single Christian ladies having trouble finding single Christian guys for companionship and romance? A plethora of Christian dating websites, books, blogs, advice columns, and magazine articles have surfaced in the last few years, attempting to give Christian young women some helpful tips for snagging a godly man and achieving that much-desired state of wedded bliss.
- Date for at least a year.
- Don’t kiss before you’re married.
- Be careful how much time you spend together.
- Date a bunch of people before getting serious.
- Don’t unless you are ready to move in the direction of marriage.
It’s not terrible advice— waiting until marriage takes work. But here’s the thing: Relationships take work. However, while most Chrisitan ladies have internal regulations in the form of our Spirit inspired convictions and knowledge of the Bible, it does not seem to be enough?
Could it be that we screened all the godly young men out of church as boys?
Probably not entirely, as according to Mark Regenerus, a sociology professor at the University of Texas, young single women in the church outnumber young single men by a three-to-two ratio.
That’s right ladies, you’re not imagining it: there’s a severe shortage of single men in the church. Not just here in the U.S., but also around the world.
“There are almost no men in my country who are following Christ. And French men will not marry a woman whose faith in Jesus is so strong. She is a leper in their eyes.” – Christian woman from France
A young godly man knows he’s a catch – particularly if he’s dedicated to his faith, good looking and works out and there are hardly any other man is his Church. With each week that passes, he’s presented with a congregation full of single women. Most haven’t been on a date in a while. He has his pick of the bunch.
There’s even a joke about the gender imbalance. It goes like this:
“Men in the church are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either already taken, or they’re handicapped.”
Furthermore, it has been confirmed that the supply of young women grows with each passing year.
So whats the solution?
God Will Orchestrate the Love Story
Do you find yourself becoming resentful that God is withholding something from you?
- Still waiting to find the man of your dreams
- Your greatest desire is to have a baby
- You want to experience the joy of being “equally yoked” with a godly husband
Desperation is dangerous because it focuses on self: What I want. What I must have. What I cannot live without. Firstly, if and when the time comes for you to be married, God will orchestrate the love story. But in the meantime, your focus is to be on serving God and pouring your life out for God, not on getting serious about getting married. The timing is up to God, not you.
Singled Out in Church
Secondly, research shows that single men are more likely to attend churches that fit the following profile:
- Large
- Headed by a male pastor who’s bold and outspoken
- Offers intentional male discipleship
- Worship service is done in under 90 minutes
Apart from salvation, there is perhaps a way that the concept “God helps those who help themselves” is correct. We’re not suggesting you switch churches over this issue. It probably wouldn’t hurt to visit another church once in awhile – especially if your church offers nothing for singles.
Also remember that there are actually some Christ-men out there who are praying and hoping for a set-apart young woman – one who is not following after the trends of the culture, or who are not wallowing around in discontentment or on the constant prowl for a guy.
Any pastors who are reading, have you ever stopped to listen, really listen, to the women in your church about how they feel they are treated or perceived?
Any other advice?
Luck is The Religion of The Lazy
Some people would do almost anything to ward off ‘bad luck’ and bring themselves a little good fortune. There was a time in my life that I believed when things happened in my life it was either “lucky,” or “unlucky.”
As I have become a more mature Christian I have realized that there is truly no such thing as luck, luck is just a religion of the lazy and disillusioned. Here’s why.
A psychologist Richard Wiseman surveyed a bunch of people who considered themselves lucky or unlucky, then performed a very interesting test:
“[Wiseman] gave both the “lucky” and the “unlucky” people a newspaper and asked them to look through it and tell him how many photographs were inside. He found that on average the unlucky people took two minutes to count all the photographs, whereas the lucky ones determined the number in a few seconds.”
“How did the “lucky” people do this? Because they found a message on the second page that read, “Stop counting. There are 43 photographs in this newspaper.” So why didn’t the so called unlucky people see it? Because they were so intent on counting all the photographs that they missed the message.”
So what does this mean?
People who we often consider themselves lucky are more relaxed and open to what’s going on around them. Many people either do not see the open doors that God has provided for them or do not even believe that God will ever open a door for them. God is gracious and gives us blessings. I have learned if I can look beyond the raging storm, I can see where God is constantly blessing me and moving in my life.
This week, my primary doctor told me he was moving to another city. I will not deny that I was really sad as a unique doctor/patient relationship had formed. He has been the only doctor so far that has truly kicked open doors for me, validated me, listened to me, and truly cared for me. It is extremely hard to find a great doctor when you have chronic and rare illnesses. I can’t say enough about how much my now old primary doctor has been a blessing to me and my husband. It wasn’t by chance or luck that I got this doctor that only worked in my area for one-year. God placed him in my path. God used him to change every single one of my other doctors and now I have a great team. God used him for a short while to put some pieces together for me. God sent him to help in my journey but as life has it, God changes things up and that’s ok. I haven’t met my new doctor yet but I am very confident that God has once again moved in my best interest and is sending another person to help me get me to another point.
I had a choice this week. I could have had a meltdown and worried about the unknowns of my doctor’s replacement or I could have scurried to find someone else. Instead, I chose to find peace and solitude in my Father. I can trust that he is moving and I am not relying on luck or chance. The biggest part of trusting God is not knowing all of the answers but placing the unknowns directly in his hands and allowing him to move and bless me.
What Does #MeToo: Stories of Sexual Abuse, Harassment Have to Do with You?
There is a concept that some in the field of neuroscience call “increased integration.” Apparently, when someone tells his or her story and is truly heard and understood they feel a greater sense of emotional and relational connection, decreased anxiety, and a greater awareness of and compassion for others’ suffering.
In recent months the #MeToo has spread virally as a two-word hashtag used on social media in October 2017 by women around the world who shared their experiences of sexual harassment and assault on social media.
Prompted by the campaign activist Tarana Burke who posted it along with the note:
“If all the people who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.”
Another woman then followed suit, and another and another. Some woman added details of recent events and long-buried memories.
Although it’s not exclusively a Christian problem, many women have also shared stories that were perpetrated by men claiming to be Christians.
The allegations of sexual assault and rape against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein also saw tens of thousands of people taking to social media to share their stories using the hashtag, ‘#MeToo’. Additionally, an assertion that being “touched upon the metro” should be a “non-event” also provoked fury.
“There is a line, obviously, between [sexual] desire and realization, and some cross it and some don’t.”
Thanks to women coming forward to tell their stories about being raped, fondled or harassed by men, we can now see the prevalence of this practice.
The tweets show that people of all ages, genders, backgrounds and sexual orientations are vulnerable to sexual violence. The perpetrators also ranged in age, background, and ethnicity.
So what could possibly be fueling this upsurge in harassment?
Perhaps the breakdown of morality, lack of a spiritual life and old-fashioned selfishness. But is that all there is? There have been men who exhibit high morals who have harassed women. There have also been Pastors who have done the same.
So what is the common denominator?
Pornography!
The Internet is really really great”¦ FOR PORN!
I’ve got a fast connection so I don’t have to wait”¦ FOR PORN!
There’s always some new site”¦ FOR PORN!
I browse all day and night”¦ FOR PORN!
It’s like I’m surfing at the speed of light”¦ FOR PORN!
The Internet is for porn!
The Internet is for porn!
Why you think the net was born?
Porn! Porn! PORN!
In 2003, these lyrics were heard on the Broadway stage courtesy of Jeff Marx, Robert Lopez and the puppets of musical show Avenue Q. It would quickly become a famous Internet meme and catchphrase. But why?
In the last 30 years, pornography has grown to be a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Today’s children live in a digital world that has embraced sexuality. Images of sex abound on the internet, and are freely accessible to children with the simple click of a computer button, or by downloading an image on a cell phone.
Pornography is not just something a few men view in the late hours in the privacy of their homes.
According to recent statistics at least 70 percent of porn is downloaded during work hours (9 am to 5 pm).
The wages of sin are enormous when pornography is involved.
“The societal costs of pornography are staggering. The financial cost to business productivity in the U.S. alone is estimated at $16.9 Billion annually ; but the human toll, particularly among our youth and in our families, is far greater.”
I heard from a young woman the other day who didn’t get why I was anti-porn. “It’s a great way for my fianc, to meet his needs when I’m not in the mood. I don’t want him to keep bugging me if I’m not into it that night. And he shouldn’t just have to ‘deal’ with frustration, either.”
So What’s Not to Love About Porn?
Well, Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D, psychologist and former Deputy Assistant Health and Human Services Secretary research states that pornography hurts adults, children, couples, families, and society. It also states that among adolescents, pornography hinders the development of a healthy sexuality, and among adults, it distorts sexual attitudes and social realities. In families, pornography use leads to marital dissatisfaction, infidelity, separation, and divorce.
The average age when a man is first exposed to pornography is at 11 years of age and the largest consumers of porn are 12 to 17-year old’s. Victor Cline, a psychologist, documented how men become addicted to pornographic materials, then begin to desire more explicit or deviant material, and finally act out what they have seen.
He maintained “that memories of experiences that occurred at times of emotional arousal (which could include sexual arousal) are imprinted on the brain by epinephrine, an adrenal gland hormone, and are difficult to erase. This may partly explain pornography’s addicting effect.”
The next step is escalation. Previous sexual highs become more difficult to attain; therefore users of pornography begin to look for more exotic forms of sexual behavior to bring them stimulation and so on.
A Biblical Perspective?
God created men and women in His image (Gen. 1:27) as sexual beings. But because of sin in the world (Rom. 3:23), sex has been misused and abused (Rom. 1:24-25). The act of sex was originally meant to bring a husband and wife into a close, intimate relationship that only they could share. Pornography attacks the dignity of men and women created in the image of God. Pornography also distorts God’s gift of sex which should be shared only within the bounds of marriage (1 Cor. 7:2-3). After years of watching it, consciences become smeared and he or she can no longer see what is right and wrong. – Timothy 4:2
Are You Addicted?
Some of you reading this may have already developed an addiction to porn. If you see any of the patterns I’ve described above in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn beginning to control your life? You can’t put it down — you keep going back for more? Perhaps you find yourself needing to see increasingly graphic pornography. You’re starting to take risks or act out physically for sexual thrills.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”¦” Romans 12:2
The Bible also warns against the misuse of sex. Premarital and extramarital sex is condemned (1 Cor. 6:13-18; 1 Thess. 4:3). Even thoughts of sexual immorality (often fed by pornographic material) are condemned (Matt. 5:27-28). Christians, therefore, must do two things. First, they must work to keep themselves pure by fleeing immorality (1 Cor. 6:18) and thinking on those things which are pure (Phil. 4:8).
General pornography stats
- Every second 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet
- Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet
- Every second 372 people are typing the word “adult” into search engines
- 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites
- 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography
- 25% of all search engine queries are related to pornography, or about 68 million search queries a day
- One-third of porn viewers are women
- Search engines get 116,000 queries every day related to child pornography
- 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails
- 2.5 billion emails sent or received every day contain porn
- Every 39 minutes a new pornography video is being created in the United States
- About 200,000 Americans are “porn addicts”
Valerie Hughes co-wrote this post and is the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries offering hope and healing to women who have been involved with a porn addiction. Her current book “When Porn Takes the Place of Love” tells of her journey of healing and includes a 10-part Bible Study.
Disclaimer: Fighting the stigma faced by sexual violence survivors is a crucial step in forcing the change referenced by Tamblyn. The “#MeToo” hashtag shows that more and more people are ready to share their stories and change the dialogue surrounding sexual violence. The article attempts to shed light on one of the overlooked influences that help develop a man’s mindset on how they treat women.
God told me to tell you He’s by your side
In Proverbs 3:3-6 (NIV), says:
” Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.“
All I can do is admit my personal truth to all of you: I had a very ‘crooked’ or unaligned life. I say that I “had” a crooked life because this was during a time that I did not know much about Jesus Christ. After years of learning, being taught, and asking Christians questions, I felt so much freedom afterward in receiving the answers to every short and long confusing question I had.
I say all of this to you because it took me years to learn how to love God and to learn about Him. I remember one of the questions I wondered as a teenager was “Why do people love God so much?”
I was someone that wasn’t raised up in a Christian home or had frequent lessons about Jesus Christ, whom He was, and what He did. I will share how I am doing today.
He held my hand in bringing me out of my darkest times as a child, He rescued me from the devilish spirits that were scaring and hurting me, and He continues to be there for all of us… and for me. As I look back on my past pains and difficult life situations, I praise God’s Name for holding my hand and continuously lifting me up out of danger, darkness, and being hurt.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. – Psalm 121:5
He loves me and He loves you too. All you have to do is talk to Him and pray to Him about whatever your problem may be. Believe me when I say that He will, in fact, help to fix your life in remarkable ways. It took me years to find out about Jesus Christ, but now, I know Him a lot more… even though I’m still yearning and craving to learn more; and you know what. I am excited hearing from others and reading His Word every day I love it.
Despite how rocky and treacherous your path or life may be, you’re not going to face it alone. God wants you to know and be assured of is this, HE IS BY YOUR SIDE.
“God is working in you.” The word “working” in Greek is the word energos, from which we get the word “energy.” God is the energy driver in your life. You’re not just going on willpower. You’re not just going on your own power. God says he will give you the power you need, no matter what you’re facing.
Isn’t that great news? If God is with you, and God is in you, and God is for you, who on earth can stand against you?
Father God, I pray that all who read this message will be encouraged, strengthened and bless. Let them know in their spirit that they are not alone. Let them know without a doubt that you are with them. Give them the strength and courage to keep moving, show them the path to take, show them the steps to make, by your power Guide them, Lord, for you alone know the way. We wait on you. We love you and we praise you. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.
Syrian Artist Uses Suitcases to Recreate the Homes Refugees Left Behind
3 Tips for Dealing with a Manipulative Project Co-Worker
Are you stuck working with a project manager who is manipulative and dishonest? If you are, you’re not alone!
Today’s workplace is a cut-throat environment with everyone trying to get ahead in some way, shape, or form. It’s no surprise that there are malicious, sneaky project managers who will do anything to get a leg up to succeed or survive, even if it means throwing you under the bus. Like a clever politician, these project managers keep their desires hidden, but underneath a friendly and charming exterior is a highly destructive individual whose goals are power and control. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he or she adopts the mantra of “company first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his or hers claims of a selfless pursuit of noble causes.
Regardless of your industry, profession, experience level or company, these manipulative people exist and, if given the right opportunity, they can ruin your reputation and career prospects. They’ll tell you that the entire team hates you, thinks you’re arrogant, stupid, or incompetent, and attempt to manipulate you into believing that their opinions are objective facts. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology called it “social undermining” and “bottom line mentality.”
“According to a recent survey, roughly 90% of folks who read this post are presently working with at least one person who, mentally, would be described as a manipulator”.
Proving yourself in a new organization is hard enough. When someone manipulates and lies about you, it can hurt your relationships, your reputation, and your career. Luckily, Project Journal has 3 tips for effectively dealing with this workplace danger.
1. Don’t Ignore Your Gut
I should’ve seen it coming. Unfortunately, there isn’t a clear-cut answer to the question “Friend or foe.” If you find yourself putting up your guard around a co-worker, you might wonder if you’re imagining things and being paranoid? Well, maybe you are, but under no circumstances should you ignore your feeling. From experience, this is often the very first sign of trouble. Weak leaders sometimes resort to emotional deceit as a weapon for getting things done. Try to consider facts objectively. Manipulation is normally felt, rather than heard or seen, so you must listen to your gut.
What makes you mistrust this person? Do they constantly gossip? If so, be careful as those who gossip to you, will probably be doing the same about you too and like Mom always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Plus, you don’t want to get caught up in the drama when people find out about this control freak’s gossiping.
Trust that you will be thrown under the bus when “stuff” hits the fan. If you’re still unsure, you should run their behaviour by objective people you trust. As trust is built on the foundations of a good relationship, instead of basing trust on someone’s words, observe their deeds.
2. Dealing with a Bad Apple
There’s a lot to be said for the old saying, “One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel.” Not only is that true for fruit, but it holds a lot of merit in the work environment. Rude behavior is contagious. Toxic manipulative employees have an unhealthy ripple effect that harms co-workers, managers, and subordinates alike. They lack positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. They dwell in a very dark place lit only by their own ambition.
“It takes just one malicious employee among the ranks to wreak havoc on your team’s culture.”
Healthy human interactions are not dominated by manipulation. If you feel you can’t trust them, don’t. Manipulators do not communicate openly. Instead, they resort to flattery or play the victim to gain your trust and sympathy. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, they influence and control others and have a fair amount of social support, most likely because no one wants to be on their bad side. But that doesn’t mean their behavior isn’t harmful.
Your priority in this situation must be to protect your professional standing. Begin documenting every instance of destructive behavior and take it to a higher authority. When a co-worker starts manipulating you and ignoring the behavior doesn’t work, distance yourself, if possible and keep all correspondences. When colleagues try to sabotage you, they might tell you lies to cause you to make mistakes. The more you cover yourself, the less you have to worry about. Change your passwords, shut down your computer when you leave your desk, and keep sensitive documents under lock and key. Remember to “choose your words carefully when sending emails so that things you write can’t come back to bite you. Unfortunately, if you lose your cool, you will be in danger of looking undignified.”
“When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him.”
’- George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords
It can be tempting to excuse the antagonistic worker who seems zealous about his job, but clearly, those employees may be undermining the entire workforce. Being direct lets the other person know you’re aware of their manipulative behavior, and in some cases, that may be enough to nip it in the bud. If you stay out of their world of negativity, you will be a much more difficult target for their manipulation.
3. Counteracting Sabotage
Manipulators are blind to the serious defects in their character, but keenly aware of the slightest weakness or imperfection in others. They are judgmental, suspicious, demanding and calculating, all negative personality characteristics. Even their outward charm is cold and calculated. Before you can deal with the situation, you need to understand the impact.
Is it a small lie with little effect? Is it a big lie that requires damage control or even legal action? Consider how others might view the situation. Although it may be difficult, the best choice might be simply to move on as the people who make it in the long-term are the ones who are honest, hardworking and able to maintain their professionalism.
“According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, workplace sabotage is on the rise in this difficult economy.”
If you choose to directly address the situation. It is critical to use neutral language and tone of voice. Do not stoop to their level, it is important to keep your integrity. Consider having witnesses to your conversation so it’s not your word against theirs.
Your final action can be accepting an apology and moving on, or it can be reporting the lie to a higher authority. In extreme cases, it can be making a formal complaint or hiring an attorney. It’s smart to search for job postings, even when you have no intention to quit. Obviously, you don’t want to let one bad apple lead to your resignation but, if nothing else, knowing you have options can help you feel more empowered and in control of the situation.
Other signs sabotage may be in the works: You don’t receive a promotion or responsibilities you logically should have gotten; cold or averse behavior from management that is (seemingly) out of nowhere; sudden and unexplained alienation by individual co-workers or even entire cliques; or unwarranted and continuous kind behavior from someone that was formerly aloof, ambivalent or even aggressive.
Manipulative behavior is widespread, but fortunately, it doesn’t exist everywhere. Do you have manipulative co-workers? How do you dodge their requests and still manage to pave a successful career path? Tell us what you think?
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Successful People Always Leave the Office on Time?
Politics and Project Management, a Lesson in Leadership
We all know that the more power you have, the better you are able to get the job completed. The problem is most project managers have lots of responsibility, but hardly any authority and since most projects exist outside core business structures, they are forced to develop other methods of influence.
One unspoken evil that is often ignored on project management training courses is the politics of project management. While most of us view politics with disgust; there is no refuting that effective project managers are often seen as those who are equipped and able to employ fitting political strategies to further their project goals.
“In a Perfect World the Best Workers Would Be Promoted on Merit Alone and the Best Ideas Would Be Adopted Regardless of Personal Interest – but We Do Not Live in Utopia”
Have you ever included ‘office politics’ as a risk on your risk register? Probably not. Though, consider the potential implications of ignoring the ugly stepchild of project management?
“The Objective of Office Politics Is to Manipulate a Situation in Order to Achieve an Outcome That Will Benefit One Individual or Group at the Expense of Other Individuals or Groups.”
While it is unlikely that ‘office politics’ would be listed directly as a risk on your risk register, it is quite likely that one or more of the outcomes of it would. As a result, if you want to survive and prosper in the real world you need to combine good work with smart politics to ensure your own success and that of your projects. The biggest mistake a project manager can make is to assume that politics in project management doesn’t exist. After all, politics is human nature and has played an integral part in history since the dawn of civilization.
In a group where working interactions are fraught with tension and individuals have their own personal agendas or want to be “top dog” personal conflicts will often get in the way of the project aims. Issues between members of the team become the over-riding concern both for the individuals afraid and sometimes even the project manager. Meetings can consist of jostling for power or simply trying to justify your position and when that happens progress on the project will undoubtedly suffer.
For most project managers, playing politics is a form of slow, soul-destroying torture where logic, self-control, transparency and trustworthiness are replaced by deception, concealment, and sabotage. However, ignoring the external and internal politics surrounding your project or organization is dangerous. Successful project managers need to understand organizational politics and how to make them work for project success.
In the case of project politics you can use these key techniques in a constructive manner:
Carefully Manage Your Own Conduct
- The first rule is to at all times act in a way that commands respect and beyond that, respect others. That means not gossiping, spreading rumors or getting sucked into interpersonal conflicts and arguments. Maintain your honesty!
- Be positive as a positive outlook is a choice that you can always make and remain professional.
- Be confident and firm but not hostile and make sure you take organizational perspectives, not a personal one when voicing objections or giving criticism.
- Always assume things will be disclosed, so don’t rely on confidentiality.
- Over time you will learn what works in your organization’s culture and what doesn’t. Try to watch other people and identify successful behaviors that you can model to navigate the political minefield.
Review the Organization Chart
- Sit back and watch for a while. Identify the real influencers, those who are respected, champions, those who have authority but don’t use it, the mentors and last but not least the true brains behind the organization. Then re-map the organization chart in terms of political influence as politics will often bypass the formal organization chart.
Understand the Social Network
- Once you know who’s who in the organization, you have to understand the social networks. This involves identifying who gets along with whom, groups or cliques that have formed and ongoing interpersonal conflicts. Over time you will learn who has the most trouble getting along with others and the basis for the interrelationship whether it be friendship, respect or manipulation, including how the influence flows between all parties.
Build Good Relationships
- Now you need to build multiple networks but avoid aligning yourself with one group or another this way you can keep your finger on the pulse of the organization.
- Don’t be afraid of politically powerful people and instead, develop relationships that cross the formal hierarchy in all directions.
- Build your relationships on trust and respect and avoid empty flattery.
Use Your Social Network
- You will need to learn to use your social network to stay clear of negative politics. You can do this through positive political action.
- Use your network to gain access to information, build visibility of your achievements and improve difficult relationships.
- Attract opportunities where you can shine and seek out ways to make yourself, your team and your boss look good.
Counteract Negative Play
“The Expression, Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer” Couldn’t Be Any Truer When It Comes to Office Politics.”
- Your mapping of the organization will help you to identify those people who use others for their own political purposes, and not for the common good. Know that these people typically have low self-worth (that’s why they rely on destructive politicking to get ahead). Always be very careful what you say to them. Understand what motivates them, their goals, and how to avoid or counter the impact of their politics
- Remember loyalty is not a reliable factor in the workplace!
“It is easy to become a target if you’re ambitious or if you strive for change. One of the biggest mistakes we make in our career is to assume that everyone likes progress. This is not true’Å —’Å many are content with the status quo and will defend it with their life.”
Projects are rarely easy and office politics can compound other sorts of problems that arise so they need to be dealt with swiftly and firmly.
7 Secret Things You Didn’t Know About Successful Procurement Teams
Some senior members of staff see procurement expenses as a necessary evil and overlook any efficiency improvement methods for this sector. This is not an uncommon way of thinking, as procurement and the supply chain is a massive part of any company’s costs and can total up to 70% of an organisation’s total spend.
These managers are missing out on effective changes that can shift procurement to a significant supplier of growth and profit for any business.
Follow these 7 steps to improve your procurement team.
1. Embrace Change
It’s so important for procurement managers to embrace and invest in technology changes currently taking place in the industry.
Managers should hold a full assessment of deficiencies in their processors and search for technology that meets the needs of the business, rather than fitting the business around new technology. For example, if you are having trouble with historic and retrospective analysis, invest in predictive analytics.
2. Consider Outsourcing
Outsourcing may not be an avenue you have ever considered in regards to procurement, even though it happens all the time with HR and IT departments. Even so, many procurement managers are still apprehensive to apply it to their supply chain.
Outsourcing certain aspects of procurement can be a way of improving existing systems and processors rather than a cost reduction measure. It can also allow your business to access highly skilled procurement experts when it would be counter-productive to hire someone internally. These individuals are often very focused on delivering results, and if you plan outsourcing correctly, the increase in productivity will outweigh the costs of outsourcing.
If a procurement manager feels like there are areas in the business where costs can be cut, it might be worth bringing in a consultant. There are also outsourcing services that offer expert domain knowledge and vendor contact opportunities.
3. Ensure Your Supply Chain Is Properly Staffed
The efficiency of a supply chain is very much dependent on the quality of its staff. As a procurement manager, it’s important to ensure that the supply chain is staffed with highly skilled individuals, and that these staff have regular access to education and training.
Procurement professionals will be tasked with a wide variety of roles, including:
- Planning delivery timetables
- Ensuring stores have enough stock
- Overseeing the arrival of shipments
When hiring employees, it’s important to ensure they have skills such as communication, attention to detail and teamwork. They must also be willing to learn and improve throughout their career.
4. Create Risk Management Policies
One of the key ways of making a procurement team more efficient is to prepare for the unexpected. Procurement managers should establish proper levels of control to manage risk and ensure that all these policies are periodically reviewed. These risk management fail safes should include:
- The financial impact a risk might have
- The likelihood to the risk occurring
- A priority list for managing risks
All staff members should be aware of these risks, and the processes in place if the risks occur. For example, if a major supplier goes out of business, your staff should be aware that there is a process for contacting secondary suppliers so you are never left without stock.
5. Establish Relationships with Key Suppliers
Staff who deal with suppliers on a daily basis need to have brilliant relationship building skills. Procurement employees need to work closely with suppliers to try and keep communication consistent and amicable, even if issues arise at either end.
Suppliers can help procurement teams reach their performance goals, and they are often very knowledgeable, with expertise to share about their products. Procurement teams can learn a lot from them, like the audience, seasonality and key selling points of products; it’s worth working on these relationships.
6. Stick to Ambitious but Manageable Targets
If a team has a tough but not unattainable goal to work towards they can prioritise, measure and focus on their tasks with a clear end in mind. This helps staff members feel more motivated and gives meaning to their work.
There will also be a sense of achievement when the targets are met, bringing your team closer together and improving teamwork.
7. Efficiency Is Attainable
The creation of a brilliant supply chain depends on your company’s understanding of procurement, along with the procurement team’s estimation of the total costs associated with each supplier and their contacts.
With help from technology, outsourcing, a great team and strong relationship building skills, your procurement team should improve its efficiency and business impact.
If You Want to Make Enemies, Try to Change Something: 17 Inspiring Change Quotes to Live By
If you want to make enemies, try to change something. Change, no matter what scale it is on, can be a source of stress and anxiety for many. However, it’s common for change management practitioners to view resistance to change as an irrational barrier to progress. Another school of thought is that resistance to change is a social process that can strengthen changes and help to eliminate undesirable change.
The fact remains that change is necessary in all organizations. But, it is the way change is initiated which can so greatly vary. It can be forced upon companies by outside forces or just come from a realization that the company may be falling behind the times. In this way, change management might be quite beneficial to an organization. Organizations that have learned how to transform themselves through effective leadership and strategic control are more likely to survive and prosper. The dilemma is that most people hate change and love it at the same time and what they really want is for things to remain the same but get better.
The good news is that God has a plan for your life to prosper. If we trust in God and allow the change to grow us to become more like Jesus Christ in how we respond and act, then we are promised that all things will work together for good for those who love Him and keep His commandments!
The following thought-provoking quotes relate to change management including resistance to change, acceptance and change strategy.
- “One of the reasons so many celebrities keep going in and out of rehab is that they leave out the critical element to lasting change: God.” – Unknown
- “There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.” — Niccolo Machiavelli
- “Change has its enemies.” — Robert Kennedy
- “He who rejects change is the architect of decay.” — Harold Wilson
- “Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better.” — Samuel Johnson
- “The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” — Charles Kettering
- “God supplies everything you need for successful change, and when you make changes with his help, it says changed.” – Unknown
- “It is always easier to talk about change than to make it.” — Alvin Toffler
- “It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out nor more doubtful of success nor more dangerous to handle than to initiate a new order of things.” — Machiavelli
- “The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.” — H. G. Wells
- “When you feel weak in the face of change, God is omnipotent, or all-powerful. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” the Bible says. (Romans 8:31, NIV) Knowing the invincible God is on your side gives you tremendous confidence.” – Unknown
- “Paralyze resistance with persistence.” — Woody Hayes
- “Culture does not change because we desire to change it. Culture changes when the organization is transformed – the culture reflects the realities of people working together every day.” — Frances Hesselbein
- “The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence – it is to act with yesterday’s logic – Peter Drucker
- “The rate of change is not going to slow down anytime soon. If anything, competition in most industries will probably speed up even more in the next few decades.” — John P. Kotter
- “Your success in life isn’t based on your ability to simply change. It is based on your ability to change faster than your competition, customers, and business.” — Mark Sanborn
- “If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” — Woodrow Wilson
Don’t make change harder than it has to be. Do it the right way. Ask God for help.
Europe’s Biggest Stadium Will Be Even Bigger Within Five Years at a Reported Cost of Nearly ┚¬420 Million
A Japanese architecture firm Nikken Sekkei and Barcelona studio Pascual i Ausió Arquitectes have been selected to renovate the Camp Noustadium, home of FC Barcelona following a joint bid.
Europe’s Biggest Stadium Will Be Even Bigger Within Five Years at Reported Cost of Nearly ┚¬420 Million ($460 Million)
Camp Nou, often referred to as the “Nou Camp” in English is a football stadium in Barcelona, Catalonia, Spain. It has been the home of FC Barcelona since its completion in 1957. With a current seating capacity of 99,354 and is the largest stadium in Spain by capacity. It’s also the largest stadium in Europe and the second largest association football stadium in the world in terms of capacity. In additional it has hosted numerous international matches at a senior level, including a 1982 FIFA World Cup semi-final match, two UEFA Champions League finals and the football competition at the 1992 Summer Olympics.
Barca is expected to sell the stadium’s naming rights to help fund the new construction.
Nikken Sekkei, one the world’s third largest architecture firm according to the World Architecture 2016, is known for its construction of stadiums and skyscrapers and were chosen out of a list of 26 candidates. Nikken is over 100 years old and has offices in China, Vietnam, Korea, Saudi Arabia and Dubai, in addition to its headquarters in Japan.
Construction is to start in the 2017-18 season and be completed for the 2021-2022 season, but will not keep the club from hosting games.
The iconic home of the Spanish and European champions will involve increasing seating capacity from 99,354 to 105,000. The reigning European and Spanish champions promise that every seat will offer an unobstructed view of the pitch and new high-definition video scoreboards. Barca is on course to repeat its treble of last season, winning the La Liga title, Spanish Cup and European Champions League.
A Statement on the Club’s Website Said, “the Nikken Sekkei [and] Pascual I Ausio Arquitectes Proposal Stands out for Being Open, Elegant, Serene, Timeless Mediterranean and Democratic.
“The proposal presents a very subtle attempt to intervene in the environment to facilitate circulation and achieve diverse urban usage in the Barça Campus and guarantees a clear and safe construction.” according to the club.
The new roof will measure more than 47,000 square meters and the stadium will have an emphasis on energy saving technology and environmental sustainability.
The triple-tier structure will remain, but the third tier will be extended and a roof covering more than 47,000 square metres will be added to make sure all seats are sheltered from the weather.
The project also includes an ice rink, basketball court and an auxiliary multipurpose court capable of hosting 2,000 spectators. The Espai Barça also foresees construction of an underground parking lot.
Other current high-profile football stadium projects include the new Chelsea FC ground by Swiss architects Herzog & de Meuron, a stadium for Tottenham Hotspur by Populous, and Arup’s design for AC Milan’s new building.
