5 tweets that help you help others on International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

5 tweets that help you help others on International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

“Sexual violence against women and girls is rooted in centuries of male domination. Let us not forget that the gender inequalities that fuel rape culture are essentially a question of power imbalances.”

UN Secretary-General António Guterres

The United Nations General Assembly has designated November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women (Resolution 54/134). The premise of the day is to raise awareness of the fact that women around the world are subject to rape, domestic violence and other forms of violence; furthermore, one of the aims of the day is to highlight that the scale and true nature of the issue is often hidden. For 2014, the official Theme framed by the UN Secretary-General’s campaign UNiTE to End Violence against Women, is Orange your Neighbourhood. For 2018, the official theme is “Orange the World:#HearMeToo” .

This year’s theme is “Orange the World: Generation Equality Stands Against Rape.” For the next two years, a campaign from the U.N. Secretary General will focus specifically on rape in its efforts to prevent and eliminate violence against women and girls. 

According to U.N. figures, one in three women and girls experience some form of physical or sexual violence in their lives. The U.N. estimates that approximately 15 million adolescent girls have experienced forced sex during their lifetimes. Based on its data from 30 countries, only 1 percent of these girls ever looked for professional help. 

“Too many of us fail to name or challenge the rape culture that surrounds us,” U.N. Women said in an statement about this year’s theme.  

U.N. Women encourages people to get directly involved in preventing sexual violence by learning about rape culture, listening to survivors, and talking about consent. 

For this year’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, here are some tweets that show you how to do exactly that. 

1. Stand up

https://twitter.com/WFP/status/1198952338939101184

2. Know the definition of consent as there is no excuse for sexual violence

https://twitter.com/UN_Women/status/1198928076966641664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1198928076966641664&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2Farticle%2Fviolence-against-women-2019-united-nations%2F

3. Support survivors

https://twitter.com/europeaid/status/1198856273565044736

4. To feel safe, women and girls have to look at everyday objects differently. Understand the burden women carry to avoid violence

 

https://twitter.com/UN_Women/status/1198897874626646017

5. Stop victim-blaming and body-shaming. What women choose to wear or not wear is not consent for sexual harassment, violence, bullying, body-shaming or victim-blaming.

https://twitter.com/UNDP/status/1198904157954031616

Have We Created a Monster? – On #MeToo, FiftyShades and more

Have We Created a Monster? - On #MeToo, FiftyShades and more

Last month, every time I turned on the TV or read the news on the internet, there was some new sexual abuse or harassment scandal being plastered on my screen.

Last year it was the Church of England. Then it was Hollywood. Then it was the Olympics gymnast doctor scandal. Then it was #MeToo. Then it was that Aziz Ansari story. Then it was the President’s Club.

The scale of this uncovering has been huge.

I’m all for evil being exposed because that’s the only way to be rid of it. But some of these incidents are not all that clear-cut. When lines get blurred, the real evils and injustices become harder to tackle. Worse, we end up preoccupied with the symptoms of a broken system, instead of tackling the root.

Abuse or regret?  

Let’s take the Aziz Ansari story, to start with. If you don’t know what this is about, a young woman, ‘Grace’, came forward last month, as part of the #MeToo campaign, to tell her story about her date-gone-wrong with actor and comedian Aziz Ansari.

There’s no denying the unpleasantness of this story, but if you can detach yourself for a moment from the narrator’s emotional experience, the facts remain: ‘Grace’ went to Ansari’s apartment willingly enough and, despite feeling uncomfortable, performed sexual acts on him. When she texted him the next day to tell him how she felt, he apologized. He hadn’t understood her non-verbal cues.

Whilst unpleasant and uncomfortable, this account  does not  constitute sexual assault. In the article, ‘Grace’ says she felt pressured to do things she didn’t want to do. But Grace was  not  forced against her will. She could have said ‘no’, walked away, or even better, refused to go back to his apartment after a hurried first date that she didn’t seem to enjoy.

Stories like this complicate the whole #MeToo campaign with some blurry definitions as to what constitutes assault or abuse, and what does not.

‘Grace’ shouldn’t feel responsible for Ansari’s behavior.  But where’s the acknowledgment of her own error of judgment? There’s probably more nuance to this, but I think it has more to do with why women feel like they need to have sex with someone they’ve just met than it does about the definition of consent.

We condemn and promote the same thing

But what bothers me more is that the very culture that condemns sexual assault promotes a morality that leaves people wide open to abuse.

Why is there so much outcry about #MeToo but very little about pornography, for example? Porn  harms everybody involved: The actors, the consumer and those close to the consumer (and there are a lot  of consumers. According to the Huffington Post, porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined  each month). Porn fuels the demand for sex trafficking, one of the most extreme forms of sexual abuse out there. Why isn’t this being taken seriously? Why isn’t more being done to educate young, impressionable teens about the risks attached to porn use?

Unhealthy, hyper-sexualized relationships are not always presented overtly – sometimes they’re packaged attractively with seductive advertising and slick soundtracks.  Fifty Shades of Grey  is a timely example. Despite the increasing number of people who have called out  Fifty Shades  for what it is – a ridiculous saga normalizing an abusive and controlling relationship – it continues to be advertised as your ultimate Valentine’s date night.

But the problem lies deeper still. It’s not just the glorification of abusive relationships in the media. It’s about the way society views sex and relationships altogether.

If a rom-com doesn’t depict the protagonists jumping into bed almost immediately, is it even a rom-com? Even  Friends  can’t go without joking about casual sex or porn multiple times per episode.

The music industry is no better. Until the media stops selling music using half-naked women and basically-soft-porn music videos, it needs to shut up about female empowerment. You’re not powerful if you have to take off your clothes and sing about sex to make people buy your music.

This is nothing new

Seems bleak right? Well, it’s probably helpful at this point to take a step back and recognize that what we’re seeing is nothing new. Sexual norms in Greco-Roman society were even more permissive than they are today. If you were the master of the house, pederasty (sleeping with your boy slave) was considered A-OK. Fidelity in marriage was looked down upon and your typical Greco-Roman home would be adorned with every-day items covered in pornographic images.

The introduction of Christianity would have been an affront to everything that Greco-Roman culture stood for. Today, as we’ve drifted further and further away from the pattern of sex and relationships that God had in mind for us, we see much of the same.

The progressive ideology that led to the liberalization of sexual norms is the very same one that has created an environment where sexual misconduct can run rife.

Our culture is desperately confused. We think more ‘progression’ is the solution but instead we’ve regressed into a situation where sex is cheap; both glorified and debased.

I hope that by recognizing the correlation between what society promotes, and its outworkings, we can all be a little smarter about what we consume and which narratives we buy into.

Were they “bad girls of the Bible” or just misunderstood?

Part 1 of an interview with Sandra Glahn,  Editor of  Vindicating the Vixens

Bathsheba, Tamar, Rahab, Hagar, and the Samaritan woman at the well—were they really the “bad girls” of the Bible or simply women whose situations were greatly misunderstood? In Vindicating the Vixens: Revisiting Sexualized, Vilified, and Marginalized Women of the Bible (Kregel Academic), sixteen writers, alongside general editor Sandra Glahn, take a closer look at the stories of these and other prominent women to help readers gain a better

understanding of these women’s God-given roles in the biblical narrative. The church has a long history of viewing notable women of the Bible through a skewed interpretive lens. For example, Eve is best known for causing the fall, Sarah is blamed for tensions in the Middle East, Ruth acted scandalously on the threshing floor, and Mary Magdalene is infamous for a life of prostitution. But do these common representations accurately reflect what Scripture says about these women of the Bible?

Part 1 of an interview with Sandra Glahn,  Editor of  Vindicating the Vixens

Bathsheba, Tamar, Rahab, Hagar, and the Samaritan woman at the well—were they really the “bad girls” of the Bible or simply women whose situations were greatly misunderstood? In Vindicating the Vixens: Revisiting Sexualized, Vilified, and Marginalized Women of the Bible  (Kregel Academic), sixteen writers, alongside general editor Sandra Glahn, take a closer look at the stories of these and other prominent women to help readers gain a better understanding of these women’s God-given roles in the biblical narrative.

The church has a long history of viewing notable women of the Bible through a skewed interpretive lens. For example, Eve is best known for causing the fall and Mary Magdalene is infamous for a life of prostitution. But do these common representations accurately reflect what Scripture says about these women of the Bible?

Q: Vindicating the Vixens is a collaboration written by an international team of scholars. How did the concept and execution of the book come together?

Vindicating the Vixens has been on my heart and mind for more than a decade. When I served as editor-in-chief of Dallas Theological Seminary’s magazine for seventeen years, I became acquainted with the writing and research of men and women from a cross-section of multiple societies who brought perspectives to some biblical stories that seemed truer to the original than what is typically taught in the West. Then, as I studied history and ancient cultural backgrounds at the doctoral level, I ended up revisiting some of our western-influenced interpretations such as marriage practices in the ancient Near East. The woman Jesus met at the well in Samaria would not have dumped five husbands. More likely, she had been widowed many times.

As I revisited some Bible stories such as this one and as I read the works of others who had done similar work, I wanted to bring all this research together in one place and include a variety of ethnicities and backgrounds.

Q: Some women in the Bible most certainly fall into the category of “bad girls.” How do those women differ from the ones discussed in the book?

Right! Our goal is not to vindicate women who did evil—such as Jezebel who lied and had someone killed over property or Potiphar’s wife who tried to seduce Joseph and left him stuck in jail. We are looking at women wrongly vilified. Take Bathsheba, for example. There is nothing in the text that even suggests she consented to physical contact with David and certainly not that they “had an affair,” as some claim. The text says she was washing herself—and that word “washing” could mean she was washing her hands. What we know about power differentials also suggests that when we consider a king’s authority over the wife of one of his soldiers, we need to stop making Bathsheba responsible. That is not how the author of the story tells it. The text says David saw her washing and sent for her—sent men, plural, for her.

What happens when we blame her instead of placing the responsibility where the author does? We can end up with the idea (prominent in many churches) that women are the temptresses; we can teach that it’s a woman’s job to keep a man from falling, that men are helpless and controlled by their passions so women must cover up, be hidden, and take responsibility for men’s actions. What an insult to men! We women are called to love our brothers, but we are not called to take responsibility for their actions.

Q: When discussing the genealogy of Jesus as outlined in Matthew 1, it’s not uncommon to point out the few women included and refer to their sordid pasts. Why do we have the tendency to focus on the negatives of their history, especially when the men in the bloodline had as many flaws as the women?

Jesus’s genealogy in Matthew is full of both male and female sinners, but the women’s sinfulness is not the point Matthew is making. Not all of the women in Jesus’s line had sordid pasts, and in making their sex lives our focus, we miss what the author is telling his Jewish readers. In the highly stylized genealogy in Matthew’s Gospel, every person is intentional, with Jesus’s ancestors arranged into three groups of fourteen generations. Matthew makes a break from the usual exclusion of women from genealogies, and he’s clearly up to something. In his Gospel, foreign  kings worship Jesus at his birth. Later a centurion—a Roman soldier—requests healing for his servant, and the text says this centurion “amazes” Jesus with his faith. Jesus grants the request and tells the disciples, “I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.” Notice “not anyone in Israel.” Matthew salts his narrative with the faith of Gentiles. In the genealogies, Matthew is setting up his readers, the Jewish faithful, to accept cultural and racial outsiders into the community of faith through belief, not blood.

Judah married the Gentile Tamar. Bathsheba is the wife of a Hittite. Rahab is a Caananite. Ruth is a Moabite. These are outsiders who are women of faith in the Messianic line. Judah says of Tamar, “You’re the righteous one, not I.” Rahab says she believes in Yahweh Adonai as Elohim. Ruth says Naomi’s God will be her  God. Bathsheba suffers a great injustice but is grafted into the royal line. The idea of Gentiles being included would have blown the minds of Matthew’s readers, but that was the promise God had made to Abraham—that through him all nations would be blessed.

Q: Throughout the past couple of months, the news has reported story after story of women coming forward, sharing their experiences of sexual harassment and abuse from men in a position of power. What similarities might their stories have with someone such as Bathsheba?

Sarah Bowler, the person who wrote the chapter on Bathsheba, said of her that understanding her tale has ramifications for how Christians respond to a world saturated with sexual misconduct. She wrote, “As I researched, I found current examples in which Christian writers and editors failed to be empathetic toward victims as they reported stories. Even sadder, some spiritual leaders rape or sexually abuse young women, and many of the victims still receive partial blame in situations where a spiritual leader is fully at fault.

“It really hit home for me after a pastor’s kid I had discipled several years ago started reading [my writing] about Bathsheba. She got back in touch to say: ‘Thank you. I was raped two years ago Friday on a date in my home. I had three ministry leaders whom I held on a pedestal put full blame on me. . . . I can never thank you enough for not blaming the victim.’ How we interpret biblical narratives affects how we interpret events around us. When we say phrases such as ‘Bathsheba bathed naked on a roof,’ we overlook the fact that Bathsheba was an innocent victim. We may also forget the modern-day Bathshebas. I long for the day when believers eradicate the line of thinking in which the victim shares partial blame for a perpetrator’s sin. One step toward that end is sharing the true  Bathsheba story.”

What Does #MeToo: Stories of Sexual Abuse, Harassment Have to Do with You?

How to cope with a mis-sold job

There is a concept that some in the field of neuroscience call “increased integration.” Apparently, when someone tells his or her story and is truly heard and understood they feel a greater sense of emotional and relational connection, decreased anxiety, and a greater awareness of and compassion for others’ suffering.

In recent months the #MeToo  has spread virally as a two-word hashtag used on social media in October 2017  by women around the world who shared their experiences of sexual harassment and assault on social media.

The allegations of sexual assault and rape against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein also saw tens of thousands of people taking to social media to share their stories using the hashtag, ‘#MeToo’. Additionally, an assertion that being “touched upon the metro” should be a “non-event” also provoked fury.

“There is a line, obviously, between [sexual] desire and realization, and some cross it and some don’t.”

Thanks to women coming forward to tell their stories about being raped, fondled or harassed by men, we can now see the prevalence of this practice.

The tweets show that people of all ages, genders, backgrounds and sexual orientations are vulnerable to sexual violence.  The perpetrators also ranged in age, background, and ethnicity.

So what could possibly be fueling this upsurge in harassment?

Perhaps the breakdown of morality, lack of a spiritual life and old-fashioned selfishness. But is that all there is? There have been men who exhibit high morals who have harassed women. There have also been Pastors who have done the same.

So what is the common denominator?

Pornography!

The Internet is really really great”¦ FOR PORN!
I’ve got a fast connection so I don’t have to wait”¦ FOR PORN!
There’s always some new site”¦ FOR PORN!
I browse all day and night”¦ FOR PORN!
It’s like I’m surfing at the speed of light”¦ FOR PORN!
The Internet is for porn!
The Internet is for porn!
Why you think the net was born?
Porn! Porn! PORN!

In 2003, these lyrics were heard on the Broadway stage courtesy of Jeff Marx, Robert Lopez and the puppets of musical show  Avenue Q. It would quickly become a famous Internet meme and catchphrase. But why?

In the last 30 years, pornography has grown to be a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Today’s children live in a digital world that has embraced sexuality. Images of sex abound on the internet, and are freely accessible to children with the simple click of a computer button, or by downloading an image on a cell phone.

Pornography is not just something a few men view in the late hours in the privacy of their homes.

According to recent statistics at least 70 percent of porn is downloaded during work hours (9 am to 5 pm).

The wages of sin are enormous when pornography is involved.

“The societal costs of pornography are staggering. The financial cost to business productivity in the U.S. alone is estimated at $16.9 Billion annually ; but the human toll, particularly among our youth and in our families, is far greater.”

I heard from a young woman the other day who didn’t get why I was anti-porn. “It’s a great way for my fianc, to meet his needs when I’m not in the mood. I don’t want him to keep bugging me if I’m not into it that night. And he shouldn’t just have to ‘deal’ with frustration, either.”  

So What’s Not to Love About Porn?

Well, Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D, psychologist and former Deputy Assistant Health and Human Services Secretary research states that pornography hurts adults, children, couples, families, and society. It also states that among adolescents, pornography hinders the development of a healthy sexuality, and among adults, it distorts sexual attitudes and social realities. In families, pornography use leads to marital dissatisfaction, infidelity, separation, and divorce.

The average age when a man is first exposed to pornography is at 11 years of age and the largest consumers of porn are 12 to 17-year old’s. Victor Cline, a psychologist, documented how men become addicted to pornographic materials, then begin to desire more explicit or deviant material, and finally act out what they have seen.

He maintained “that memories of experiences that occurred at times of emotional arousal (which could include sexual arousal) are imprinted on the brain by epinephrine, an adrenal gland hormone, and are difficult to erase. This may partly explain pornography’s addicting effect.”

The next step is escalation. Previous sexual highs become more difficult to attain; therefore users of pornography begin to look for more exotic forms of sexual behavior to bring them stimulation and so on.

A Biblical Perspective?

God created men and women in His image (Gen. 1:27) as sexual beings. But because of sin in the world (Rom. 3:23), sex has been misused and abused (Rom. 1:24-25). The act of sex was originally meant to bring a husband and wife into a close, intimate relationship that only they could share. Pornography attacks the dignity of men and women created in the image of God. Pornography also distorts God’s gift of sex which should be shared only within the bounds of marriage (1 Cor. 7:2-3). After years of watching it, consciences become  smeared and he or she can no longer see what is right and wrong. – Timothy 4:2

Are You Addicted?

Some of you reading this may have already developed an addiction to porn. If you see any of the patterns I’ve described above in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn beginning to control your life? You can’t put it down — you keep going back for more? Perhaps you find yourself needing to see increasingly graphic pornography. You’re starting to take risks or act out physically for sexual thrills.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”¦” Romans 12:2

The Bible also warns against the misuse of sex. Premarital and extramarital sex is condemned (1 Cor. 6:13-18; 1 Thess. 4:3). Even thoughts of sexual immorality (often fed by pornographic material) are condemned (Matt. 5:27-28). Christians, therefore, must do two things. First, they must work to keep themselves pure by fleeing immorality (1 Cor. 6:18) and thinking on those things which are pure (Phil. 4:8).

General pornography stats

  • Every second 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet
  • Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet
  • Every second 372 people are typing the word “adult” into search engines
  • 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites
  • 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography
  • 25% of all search engine queries are related to pornography, or about 68 million search queries a day
  • One-third of porn viewers are women
  • Search engines get 116,000 queries every day related to child pornography
  • 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails
  • 2.5 billion emails sent or received every day contain porn
  • Every 39 minutes a new pornography video is being created in the United States
  • About 200,000 Americans are “porn addicts”

Valerie Hughes co-wrote this post and is the founder of Sufficient Grace Ministries offering hope and healing to women who have been involved with a porn addiction. Her current book “When Porn Takes the Place of Love” tells of her journey of healing and includes a 10-part Bible Study.  

Disclaimer:  Fighting the stigma faced by sexual violence survivors is a crucial step in forcing the change referenced by Tamblyn. The “#MeToo” hashtag shows that more and more people are ready to share their stories and change the dialogue surrounding sexual violence.  The article attempts to shed light on one of the overlooked influences that help develop a man’s mindset on how they treat women.

 

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