In most families, there are children of various ages, some of whom need not only the attention and wise discipline of the mother but also the sterner, yet the affectionate influence of the father.
Few fathers consider this matter in its due importance. Under this heavy sense of responsibility the poor wife and mother often feel’s guilty and remorseful for that which she has done innocently or ignorantly, and frequently when she has done the very best thing possible under the circumstances.
Yet when her wearisome efforts should be appreciated and approved, she is obliged to walk under a cloud of sorrow and condemnation because of her dictatorial and dominating husband, while ignoring his own duty, expects her to fulfill both her own and his to his satisfaction, regardless of preventing circumstances.
Many husbands do not sufficiently understand and appreciate the cares and perplexities which their wives endure, generally confined all day to a constant round of household duties. If the meals are not on time, the wife, who is frequently housekeeper, nurse, cook, and housemaid is greeted with faultfinding.
A Dictatorial and Dominating Husband
Your life would be much happier if you did not feel that absolute authority is vested in you because you are a husband and father! Your practice shows that you misinterpret your position. You are a house-band. You are nervous and dictatorial and often manifest great lack of judgment.
The Selfish Husband
Cultivate refinement and courtesy. Be very tender and gentle toward your wife, who is his equal in every respect to you. Try not to utter a word that would cast a shadow upon her heart. You should begin the work of reformation at home, cultivate affection and overcome the coarse, harsh, unfeeling, and ungenerous traits of your character.
The husband and father who is selfish and overbearing is not only unhappy himself, but his character will cast a gloom upon all the “inmates” who by now feel like prisoners of his home. The Selfish husband will reap the result of seeing his wife dispirited and his children marred with his own unlovely temper.
An Egotistical and Intolerant Husband
You will eventually have to face up to the consequences of your actions as you expect too much of your wife and children. You censure too much. If you would but encourage a cheerful, happy character yourself and speak kindly and tenderly to them, you would bring sunlight into your home instead of dark clouds, sorrow, and sadness. You think too much of your opinion; you take extreme positions and have not been willing that your wife’s judgment have the weight it should in your family. You have not encouraged respect for your wife yourself nor educated your children to respect her judgment. You have not made her your equal, but have rather taken the reins of government and control into your own hands and held them with a firm grasp. You do not have an affectionate, sympathetic disposition.
“These traits of character you need to cultivate if you want to be an overcomer and if you want the blessing of God in your family.”
The Husband Who Disregards Christian Courtesy
You have looked upon it as a weakness to be kind, tender, and sympathetic and have thought it beneath your dignity to speak tenderly, gently, and lovingly to your wife. The disposition to leave deeds of kindness undone is a manifest weakness and defect in your character. That which you consider a weakness God regards as true Christian courtesy that should be exercised by every Christian; for this was the spirit which Christ manifested.
Husbands Show Love and Affection
If the husband is exacting and critical of the actions of his wife, he cannot hold her respect and affection, and the marriage relation will become a prison to her. She will not love her husband because he himself is not lovable. Husbands be attentive, constant, faithful, and compassionate. Manifest love and sympathy. When the husband has the nobility of character, purity of heart, elevation of mind, that every true Christian must possess, it will be made manifest in the marriage. He will then strive to speak words of comfort, to create an atmosphere of peace in the home circle.
You Reap What You Sow
When a farmer sows into his field he never returns the next day to reap the harvest! Every farmer knows that seeds take time to germinate and grow. There is a work that takes place in the silence of the earth that is unseen. It’s the same way in your marriage. You don’t sow generously into your spouse’s life and expect a response the next day, the next week, or even the next month. Different seeds yield different results at different times. Your role is to simply be a faithful sower. Leave the results up to God.
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What do I say to you? You said it all, but how can we get them ( the husbands) to listen. They claimed that God has empowered them to rule over the wives. And they are not only ruling but they have turned themselves into tyrants. Some husbands are tyrants, they are dictators and each time they quote the book of Ephesians to support their brutality. Then in Africa, tradition helps them to enslave wives. I use to think when I was not yet married that marriage is the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone, but I’m all wrong. There are some men who see the wives as a property they have bought for themselves and have every support from the bible, so they claimed. I wish that the churches that have always taught wives to be submissive should extend this teaching to the husbands too – that wives are human like they are. Thanks alot for daring to talk about this.
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I have long believed that if this is ever going to change and it absolutely has to because women who grow up in homes that are considered “Christian” and those homes are ruled by dominating fathers, then they are predisposed to marry into the same situation, leading to a lifelong prison of abuses, whether physical or emotional because they are brainwashed into believing that this is what life is about And worse they falsely believe that this is God’s plan and that it is ultimately Him that condones these guys as lords over spouses and children. It is all contrary to Jesus’ teachings, and cruel hateful attitudes do as much damage as fists and it is truly time that men step up and teach other men that this behavior is not acceptable and that it is certainly not acceptable to God. And stand up to the ones who refuse to listen to the truth. Great post!