It’s a moment everyone has dreamed of — the moment where everything fits together perfectly, sparks fly, and everything seems to be going right between you and your new official partner. The beginning of a romantic relationship can feel magical, dreamy… But we have to admit, also pressurizing and stressful at times.
After all, no matter how you got to this point, it’s the start of something new and unknown. It has massive stakes, and we’re all at some point worried that we’ll mess it up. We certainly don’t want to ruin things with Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Well, if you want to feel much more assured that you’re starting things right with the love of your life, here are some simple things you should take note of. Not only will these help you make sure that both you and your partner are on the same page, but they’ll also tell you if you’re ready to be in a relationship in the first place. There’s not a moment to lose, so let’s dive straight into it.
History belongs in the past
There’s no doubt you’ve got an interesting history, especially if this is not your first relationship. Your emotional travels have brought you far and wide, but it’s time to leave the baggage behind. Carmelia Ray, a celebrity matchmaker, notes that in her over 25 years of experience, the last thing singles want to hear about on a first or second date is their partner’s past relationships.
In response to that, she advises that you should keep focused on the now, getting to know the current date more, and locking the ghosts of the pasts away for a later time. After all, you want this relationship to be a chance to start afresh — and that means keeping the past relationship fears, negative experiences and concerns away for now. The same goes for your partner, so don’t pry either! It’s a can of worms best opened when your relationship has become more mature.
The more vulnerable, the better
Culture today insists on being a strong and independent individual, but in a relationship, being vulnerable is actually a good thing. According to Ray, opening up to your partner helps to make your connection that much deeper and stronger, building up a more solid bond.
It’s also a sign to show your partner that you trust them, which can be very encouraging. After all, successful relationships are built on mutual, shared trust that enables both parties to do life together seamlessly. Without this trust, negative emotions like fear, doubt, and resentment are more likely to breed.
Listening goes a long way
As much as you love sharing about your day with your partner, remember to take time to listen as well. It’s not just hearing what they say, but being fully present when they are sharing their thoughts and feelings. That way, you can respond appropriately or have a meaningful discussion.
Moreover, it tells your partner that they are loved, making them feel appreciated for who they are. It cements their position in your life as someone you care about, and that can help create trust, strengthening your relationship from the inside out.
Show, not tell
It’s always comforting to hear your partner talk about a future with you in it, such as making holiday plans, talking about living with each other, or even achieving a long-term goal together. It makes you feel like your relationship is a hundred percent a done deal, and your partner is in for the long haul.
However, beware that talk is just empty until there’s action. We’re not saying you have to wait for your partner to actually fulfill all the promises, but rather, we’re asking you to make sure that their actions are consistent with what they say they feel. Have they introduced you to their best friends? Have they told their family about you? Are they working towards being financially stable? These are markers that show your partner actually means what he or she says, and are not making empty promises.
Clingy is not cute
Yes, you love your partner and want to spend all day and all week with them. Especially in the ‘honeymoon’ period where a relationship is new, couples tend to spend a lot of time with each other. Here, some jealousy can actually be considered quite healthy, according to Ray. But if you’re constantly demanding for attention, calling your partner, texting them, or guilt-tripping them when they spend time away from you… not so much.
The fact is that a needy partner is stressful to handle and takes up a lot of time and energy that is almost inhuman. It might even cause your partner to want to step back for breathing space, which is not a good sign at the start of a potentially lifelong relationship. As such, take it easy! You had it in you to be single all the while leading up to this relationship, so resist the voice that tells you that you can’t live life to the fullest when you’re by yourself.
Resumes belong in the workplace
A big pet peeve for many people? When their partners brag about themselves, according to Ray. It’s understandable why many people feel the need to do it, as it boosts self-esteem, and perhaps even fulfills the need to impress the partner.
Of course, achievements are to be celebrated and acknowledged, but most of the time, bragging incessantly has the effect of firstly, boring your partner and secondly, giving off the impression that you’re a self-absorbed individual. You really don’t have to state every single one of your accomplishments and awards, especially if your partner has made it clear that they’re into you. Leave the list behind, and instead, work towards having genuine and fun conversations.
Comparison is toxic
If you find yourself constantly comparing your current partner to other partners or other relationships, you should put the brakes on that behavior. People are all different, with different quirks, talents, and flaws. It’s the same with relationships — every relationship has a different dynamic. As such, comparing any of these won’t do you any good, and can instead bring you down.
Especially in today’s age of social media, it’s tempting to keep comparing your partner and your relationship to those you see online. However, again, that is not beneficial to anyone. In fact, no one is perfect, so you’re setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment! Remember also that social media usually only shows the good parts of a relationship, so don’t be disheartened if you hit a bump in the road. It really is perfectly normal, and it’s a chance to grow individually and as a couple, too.
Before you go and get started, it’s good to note that these pointers are not so much a list of boxes to check off. Rather, they are but a few topics you might want to bring up with your new partner to make sure you’re both ready for the start of something new. Additionally, this review on Her Aspiration will help you to learn more about your potential partner. That way, you can have a fuss-free, smooth-sailing new beginning of what could be the grandest adventure of your life.