I think we all long to really be seen. The deepest parts of us that we are too scared to show anyone because we know those parts don’t deserve to be loved.
Sure, we have plenty of parts of us that we know aren’t awesome, but we wear like badges anyway, because the world tells us to prize tolerance and acceptance, so if I’m strong enough, people just have to deal with it.
But I’m talking about the things we’ve done, thought, or said that makes us want to sink into the ground when we remember that they happened. Even if we’re in the privacy of our own bedroom, where nobody is looking.
Wouldn’t it be nice? To have someone see all of that—and not run away or divert their eyes in disgust?
We’ve all hoped for this— in a relationship, within our family, maybe even in our closest friendships. Hoping that they will still love us, even when our worst self surfaces. And if we do manage to work up the courage to show them the depths in us that are too awful to show anyone else, they back away in horror.
And it hurts. I don’t mean like a ‘she called me mean’, kind of hurt. I’m talking, an ‘I am a mangled, broken, rejected heap that is undeserving of love’ kind of hurt.
So why this desire then? Why do we have this secret drive to have our worst selves known?
Because we were created to be fully accepted.
And we are. We just don’t all know it yet.
He is there, even when we blatantly turn and walk away from him. When we think awful thoughts we would never admit to thinking to another soul. When we do things we hope will never be brought out of the shadows. We look over our shoulders, and knowing that anyone else who may have seen these parts of us will have scattered…
He is there behind us. Looking your worst self directly in the eye, without so much as a blink, and beckoning you with open arms for an embrace.
We won’t find this in a human. Because the truth is, every one of us is awful. In more ways than one. Every one of us has a part of us that is not deserving of love. And it is simply not human to love something that doesn’t deserve love. It is supernatural.
There is something so healing about Jesus seeing our worst self and not budging. Even when he sees something that would make everyone else run for the hills, he is there. Faithfully, consistently, unaffected by your filth, he remains in love with you.
Remember that, the next time you’re looking in the mirror, wishing you could sink into a hole in the ground because of what you see. Remember that Jesus sees it too. And he still adores you.