To the Girls Who Want a Godly Man. This Is for You.

“And two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh”  (Mark 10:8).

This is what biblical math for marriage looks like  1 + 1 = 1.

No, this is not common core math; this is what God’s definition of what marriage should look like if it were visualized mathematically.

As Scripture says, husband and wife, will become one, and live one life together. When we say “I do” we no longer live separate lives, but rather one.

American culture is all about the “me”, and not about the ‘we’. It’s individually focused. And competition is how we move forward individually. In marriage, focusing on “me’ and not on “we”, creates conflict.

As men, we are raised to be competitive with playing sports or in my case, playing video games. So, when we get married, our individualist traits become difficult to break. When we were single, we only had ourselves to worry about. But that all changes when we get married. If we don’t break the habit of acting as “me”, it will become a source of conflict in our marriage.

Here are 2 important qualities that all godly husbands should have:

One: A Servant-Leader

As men, we are called to be leaders of our household. But a good leader puts himself last and others first. Robert K. Greenleaf calls this  Servant Leadership.  “The servant-leader is a servant first. It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first.” In the Bible, Jesus depicts what a servant-leader should be and as husbands, we are to emulate this in our marriages.

Jesus put it this way:    “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many”(Matthew 20:25-28).

Jesus could have ruled the world and had others serve him. But rather, he became a King who served others, washed dirty feet, and sacrificed himself for those he loved and served. A Christian husband should serve his wife, not rule over her. A godly husband puts his needs second, and his wife’s first.

Husbands, if you want to be King, you must first be a servant to your Queen.

Two: Shows plenty of grace

Forgiving those who hurt you is always difficult. In marriage, it’s no different. We’ve all have had our feelings hurt by our spouses at some point. You forgot to take out the trash or fold the laundry correctly. Or in my case, hung my wife’s clothes in the wrong spot. She will get mad and I will take it personally. Sometimes, she will say something that will hurt my feelings, and I will grumble about it for days.

In 1 Corinthians 4: 5, it states  loves keeps no record of wrongs. What this means is  we must forgive our spouses when they hurt us, and not hold what they did wrong in the past against them.  We must fill our marriages with plenty of grace.  Showing forgiveness towards our spouses is what God-like love looks like.

God forgave us for our sins, why should we not forgive the sins of our spouses?  If we want God to forgive us for our sins, we must show our spouse’s the same grace God has shown us.  

The hardest part of marriage is putting our spouse’s needs above our own. I know for myself and many other men, this is not a natural trait. We must be intentional in our marriages to live up to being Christlike. This world will try to pull our marriages apart. When we focus on ourselves, we are not becoming ‘one’. Being a servant-leader to our spouse’s and showing plenty of grace to our other half, is what a godly marriage looks like.


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