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Is Being a Virgin a Bad Thing?

Virgin By Choice, Not by Force

Is Being a Virgin a Bad Thing?
Is Being a Virgin a Bad Thing?

Before the age of 19, I couldn’t have cared less about what people had to say about sex. That all changed, however, when I left home for college. My 19th year was a tumultuous time for me: it was my first time away from home, I was struggling to appear adult-like while still holding onto the innocence of my previous years, and most importantly, I became a born-again Christian towards the end of that year.

I was not prepared for the culture that surrounded campus life. People around me were talking about sex, having sex, who they had sex with, who wanted to have sex with them… I was horrified. I couldn’t that people my age were sexually active (I come from a conservative family and hardly ever went out). During free periods, I used to sit among newly-made friends and listen wide-eyed as they openly spoke about their sexual exploits. I wouldn’t say that I felt left out, but I did feel quite naïve. Oddly enough, up until the last few months of the first year in college, I didn’t hear much about sex. Nevertheless, it didn’t take me long to realize that I was uncomfortable with the topic of sex, but I didn’t want to come across as being judgemental (especially with being born-again), so I stuck it out. My reasoning was that Jesus Himself had sat down to dinner with prostitutes and taxpayers, so who was I to dissociate myself from them just because they were sexually active? Looking back, I can see that my reasoning was flawed, but it took me years to understand that. I essentially became the poster girl for 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” I was well on my way to being corrupted.

During my early 20s, I sought to convince myself that if I knew enough about sex, and was comfortable with it, then it wouldn’t irritate me and cause me much discomfort when people talked about it. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, not understanding the peril that I was putting my soul into.

After a few years, I realized that no amount of sex talk would make me any more comfortable with it. I grew tired of speaking about the same things over and over again- how to spice up your love life with different sex positions, how kinky BDSM was, how irresistible Christian Grey was (I didn’t really think that- I just went with the flow), how empowering it was to be in control of your own orgasms with masturbation (something that I have never done) and how sex was totally natural and healthy, especially between two (or three, or more) consenting adults. I twerked along to catchy tunes with suggestive lyrics (all about sex in some form or another), and I danced with the ease of a seductress laying a trap for her prey (okay, I didn’t actually dance in public, but I did do it within the comfort and privacy of my own home). I had become as knowledgeable as an inexperienced person could be, loaded with ammunition to go out and ‘do the nasty’ if I so chose to. But I didn’t choose to. I was at war within myself and felt like a fraud, both as a Christian and a worldly- wannabe- person.

When you sin and do it repeatedly, the Holy Spirit starts to convict you of that sin in order to lead you to repentance. Sure, I was not having sex, but because I thought about it in its various forms, it was just as bad. It is amazing to me as to how I continued to talk and think about something that I truly was not comfortable with!

The Holy Spirit began to counter all of my worldly ways with the Word of GOD. I started to read the more every day and to ask GOD to show me what areas of my life were displeasing to Him. You see, I had a deep yearning within me to get to know GOD, not because someone told me that it was the right thing to do, but because I needed to. I had received a taste of GOD’S presence once before and I wanted more. If you’re Christian, you will know that only the pure-hearted will see GOD. There was no way that I was going to draw near to Him with all the sexual immorality in my life! Needless to say, I repented of my sins and began to purify my mind with GOD’S Word. That meant cutting out secular music, erotic romance novels (not the clean and sweet type), other types of literature pertaining to sex, and refusing to talk about it unnecessarily. It was while removing these factors out of my life that I realized how accustomed I had become to surrounding myself with things of a sexual nature, especially when I still was not comfortable with it.

I will be 29 in about 2 months time. I have never had sex, let alone kissed a guy. Even with all the sex talk, I did not feel the need to date or have sex or even go around kissing guys. In fact, I find the act of kissing rather gross and unsettling. There are people that refuse to believe that I am a virgin and have never been kissed and that’s okay- I don’t expect anyone to believe me, and neither is it my concern. Do I think that I’m better than the non-virgins, especially the Christian ones? Certainly not, and neither do I go around judging people. You do not need me to tell you that sexual immorality is a sin- you already know that the wages of sin is death. I would, however, advise you to consult your Bible to see why you should abstain from sex until marriage. The major reason for me is because I know that I am the Temple of GOD. All other sins happen outside of the body, but when you have sex, you sin against your body. GOD hates any type of sin, whether outside of the body or against the body. What you need to understand is the impact of your sin in the spiritual realm. By sinning, you have basically told Satan: Open gates, come and get me. It is important to examine your own life and your relationship with GOD. Being truthful with yourself is the first step to destroying any strongholds in your mind.

My virginity has nothing to do with being forced. I chose to physically remain a virgin because I want to please GOD and I do not want to open up such doorways for Satan to afflict me. However, it can be said that for a few years, I could not have called myself a virgin due to sexually sinning in my mind. It was only when the Holy Spirit showed me the error of my thinking, that I repented and was forgiven- that sin no longer has any hold over me. Thus not only am I physically a virgin, but I am also a mental virgin (that sounds a bit odd-‘mental’- it’s as if I am myself crazy!). If it were up to society, I would have succumbed to peer pressure a long time ago and had physical sex with numerous partners by now. I thank GOD every day that at least some part of me held onto my values and abstained.

Ending Thought: If you are a virgin, then do not let anyone convince you that you are wrong by choosing to remain a one. It’s your choice and it’s your commitment to GOD. You are the only one who will need to give an account for your actions to GOD one day, so stop worrying about the opinions of others. By now you will have no doubt realized that anything contrary to GOD is going to get you into a load of trouble.

Now, if you are not a virgin but you have given your life to Jesus, do not feel condemned for your past choices. Jesus has redeemed you and you are a new creation. All you need to do is repent of your past sexual sins and then believe (key word here is believe) that you have been forgiven. Jesus is not condemning you and neither can anyone else condemn you. He called you for a reason, so get yourself right with Him and start living a life worthy of the calling on your life.

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  1. This article is very timely and as the mother of two daughters, I think you’ve given good reason why one should abstain from sexual activity until they’re married. Good job!

    • Thank you Christine. It is my hope that young women will read this article and realise that succumbing to pressure will not make them any happier. Obeying GOD is our true path to joy.

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Written by Stephanie Jafta

I am a Freelance Writer living in a small coastal town in sunny South Africa. If I'm not working then you will probably find me with my nose buried in a book , taking walks to the beach or cooking and baking up a storm in the kitchen. I enjoy learning new languages and can speak 3.5 out of the 11 official languages of South Africa. I'm currently learning Spanish and French as I hope to travel to Spain, Latin America and Francophone countries in the future. Most importantly, I have been a born-again Christian for nearly 10 years and my walk with Jesus has been the most central aspect of my life.

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