5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage

5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage
5 Truths about God’s Design for Sex in Marriage

Living in an over-sexualized culture, we hear messages about sex, wrong messages.   These messages become more a part of us than God’s truth because we hear them repetitively and churches are scared to address sexuality.

For too long, I believed the ’s message about sex.   That it’s a superficial, feel-good avenue to self-satisfaction.   Wrong, partly.   God did design sex to feel good!

But, there is more than that.   He designed it for profound spiritual, physical, and emotional connection.   It is just a shadow of things to come.

God’s design of sex is too amazing to keep silent about.

Here are five truths about God’s design of sex in .

God designed sex to be bonding.

Not only spiritually bonding, but emotionally and physically.   When the two become one flesh, biochemicals are released in our bodies like oxytocin and dopamine.   Oxytocin, especially, is a bonding chemical.   When I embraced this truth and started engaging in the marriage bed more, the tone of our marriage completely changed.

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh,” Genesis 2:24 (NIV).

God designed sex for both husband and wife to experience pleasure.

It’s an equal opportunity activity.   Why else would there be a clitoris?   It’s only function is for pleasure.   The Song of Solomon is full of beautiful poetic language about the pleasures of physical love for both spouses.

If one spouse struggles with the ultimate moment, there are Christian resources available to the couple understand how to achieve mutual enjoyment.

“The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved,” Song of Solomon 7:13 (NIV).

God designed sex so that we would know yearning.

Before you were married, you yearned for your fiancé.   Not only did you crave your fiance’s touch, you craved his/her presence and knowing him/her better.  Even after years of marriage, it is good to remember this yearning.  It mirrors how God desires us to yearn for him.   I believe this is one reason he frequently uses the marriage as a symbol of his relationship with us throughout the Bible.

“Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?” James 4:5 (NIV).

God designed the marriage bed to be a place to show the fruit of the Spirit.

Peace, patience, love, joy, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control are the foundation of all Christian life, especially the marriage bed.   All conflict surrounding the marriage bed can be managed through employing these key traits.

My own marriage endured a long season of mismatched sex drives.   It was through these qualities and some wise communication tools that we overcame our conflict.

God designed sex as a powerful mystery.

Biblical stories of sex often confused me when I was young.   There was some nasty stuff in the old testament, the rape of Dinah, Lot and his daughters, the men of Gibeah  clammering for the male visitor, Leviticus 20.   And yet, there is the beautiful Song of Solomon.   The New Testament seemed to prefer celibacy, to be honest.   As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why I liked thinking about sex if it was disgraceful and violent.

But, as an adult, I realized the stories were teaching me that sexual intimacy is powerful and mysterious.   It’s OK not to have it all figured out, as long as you respect the power it holds to do good when it is aligned with God’s perfect design.

“For my thoughts  are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the  Lord. As the heavens are higher than the , so are my ways higher than your ways  and my thoughts than your thoughts,” Isaiah 55:8-9.

Final Thoughts

Don’t let the world’s message of cheap sex destroy the meaningful sex in your marriage.   Sex may only be a small portion of the whole of your marriage.   However, sex matters.   It especially matters if one spouse is more interested than the other.   When we ignore its power and importance in marriage, the relationship suffers.

Now, granted chronic health issues can affect sexual function and that’s a more complicated story.

So what are your thoughts and comments on this?

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deantj@me.comMickэротический массаж в ИркутскеDixiebkErika Recent comment authors
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Great post

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How about in marriage the 2 become one and that is not just related for sex. Where one ends the other begins and through God’s love, you learn. You are now one in marriage. You should talk and discuss to be one closer to be one mind, body, etc. When it relates to sex, you should know each others bodies as you know your own. Becoming one with your spouse, you should know all about each other, hiding nothing. Start your marriage that way and constantly learn. you will both grow spirituality, emotionally, sexually, in all ways. It also brings… Read more »


I wish everyone today could see God’s plan and design for sex. It’s so very important and when done correctly, it will be so much more fulfilling. Thank you for standing up for God’s way!


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I do believe that God designed sex to be mutual enjoyable for man and wife. Still figuring out what to do with the differences in drive between the two of us.


Excellent article. Thanks for sharing. Nice website as well.


Please consider the two explicit pictures–we are bombarded enough with such imagery. Thanks!


Excellent article – clear, spiritual, deep and compelling. If I may, I’d like to add two comments. 1) Paul sees marriage in the most noble terms – reflecting Christ’s union with the church. If he (or Jesus) elsewhere said that it might be better not to marry, that was in light of pending persecution. It is a horrible thing to see your family suffer in times of war or upheaval. 2) The quote about “my ways are not…etc” shouldn’t be applied, I think, to our not understanding things. It was said to a nation that was in apostasy; that’s why… Read more »


Very true


Speaking of an oversexualized culture, I have noticed that the evangelical community has become increasingly over-sexualized. While sex might be pleasurable for some, there is nothing in scripture to suggest that God designed it to be so. The sexual relationship Solomon describes in his song is certainly pleasurable for the characters, but it is also a relationship that involves multiple sexual partners and, tragically, does not involve God. God’s clear purposes for sex are consummation and conception. Beyond that, married couples have the freedom to engage in mutual sexual activity as long as it is just that, mutual. Any deeper… Read more »


Written by Bonny

Bonny Logsdon Burns writes to Christian wives with low sexual interest at https://www.oysterbed7.com.   A certified Christian Counselor, she has been encouraging marriages since 2012 with a blend of science, scripture, and stories of her personal failures and triumphs while dealing with her own low libido.   She has one book out, "Unlock Your Libido."   She is currently finishing university studies so that she can work toward her masters in Family and Marriage Therapy.

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