Marriage 2.0: Software Review

A newly married man wrote this to a computer *Data Analyst*

Dear Data Analyst

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from *Girlfriend 7.0* to *Wife 1.0* following acceptance of the oath from the KJV Bible Instruction Manual and found that the new *Wife 1.0* program began unexpected Child Processing? *Wife 1.0* has also taken up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t explicitly mentioned in the _KJV instruction manual?

In addition *Wife 1.0* installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialisation at the start of each day and then it constantly monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as *”Boys’ Night out 2.5″* and *”Golf 5.3″* no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.

Attempting to operate selected *”Soccer 6.3″* always fails and *”Church 5.1″* and *”Shopping 7.1″* runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep *Wife 1.0* in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
.
I am thinking of going back to *”Girlfriend 7.0″*, but the uninstall button doesn’t work on this program and after reading the instruction guide seems to be prohibited by KJV Manual 9.0. Can you please help?

The Systems Analyst replied:

*Dear Customer,*

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the *Wife 1.0 program and a lack of understanding of the KJV Bible Instruction Manual*.

Many customers upgrade from _Girlfriend 7.0_ to _Wife 1.0_ after acceptance of the oath from the KJV Bible Instruction Manual thinking that _Wife 1.0_ is merely a *UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.* This is not the case!

Actually, *Wife 1.0* is an _OPERATING SYSTEM_ designed by its *Creator* to run everything on your current platform. You must therefore review the KJV Bible Instruction Manual for daily guidance.

You will not be able to purge *Wife 1.0* and still convert back to _Girlfriend 7.0_, as *Wife 1.0* was not designed to do this and it is impossible to _uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed. The KJV Bible Instruction Manual only permits one installation. There maybe one or two exceptions to this rule, but you do not meet the criteria.

Some people have tried to install _Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0_ but have ended up with even more problems. *_(See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees/)._* Plus the instruction manual clearly states whoever uninstalls Wife 1.0_ , except for sexual immorality, and installs another, commits adultery.”

Having *Wife 1.0* installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and learn to deal with the situation as best as you can. You will find that the more closely you adhere to the insttruction manual and operate in accordance with the authors example the better your experience will be.

When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the………
*C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE AND PRAY.EXE* Program and avoid attempting to use the _*Esc-Key_ for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run *C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME AND PRAY.EXE* a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Although *Wife 1.0,* demands respect, love, and attention,*Wife 1.0,* can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of *Wife 1.0,* , consider buying additional Software such as *”FAMILY PRAYER TIME 1.0, Flowers 2.0″* and *”Chocolates 5.0″*,*”Attention 6.0″* and *”HUGS\ KISSES 7.0″* or *”TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING and SHARE HOUSEHOLD DUTIES 10.0″* or *”even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1″* _(if Child processing has already started)._

*DO NOT* under any circumstances install *”Secretary 2.1″* _(Short Skirt Version)_ or *”One Nightstand 3.2″*, as this is not a supported Application for *Wife 1.0* and the system will almost certainly *CRASH*. In addition this could disqualify you from upgrading to, HEAVEN .11.0.

PS’ When my relationship crashed, I took a hard look at the conventional wisdom. Then did a reboot and emerged with a partnership that was built to last.

*BEST WISHES!*

Yours,”
Systems Analyst.

*#To all husbands/ future husbands*

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Written by Dean Jones

Dean Jones has a vision for how to solve problems and a passion for the process. Dean enjoys pursuing his fascination with the current and future state of digital media and has a background in project management, design, coding and web development. Dean attended Central St Martins, College of Art & Design in Central London (between 1996-2001). He graduated with a Degree in Graphic Design and a Masters Degree in Communications Design. After which he completed Post Graduate Diploma in Teaching PGCE. He also attended London South Bank University LSBU and graduated with a Post-Graduate Diploma and a Masters Degree in Building Surveying and Project Management.

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