Aussie Night Before Christmas

“Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” (Matthew 1:23 KJV)

It’s great to have you mob (crowd) here today. Being an Aussie (Australian) I thought you might like to hear my Aussie Outback version of a Night before Christmas.

You’ll hear a bit of Aussie Lingo here this arvo (Australian language here this afternoon).

So let’s get a bushmen’s barbie going here (outback barbecue), with a Billy boiling on the campfire (Can for making tea)

You’ll hear a bit of Aussie Lingo (Australian language).

I want to tell you a story around the campfire about the Nativity. Imagine what it would have been like if Jesus was born in outback Australia. 

Jesus, of course, was born in Bethlehem, not in the Never-Never (Outback Australia)

So our story is a bit of a furphy (a made up story) but only concerning the place, not the actual events. The events are all dinki-di from the Bible (The real story of these events are found in the Bible and are all true).

I won’t earbash you no more (I won’t talk a lot), so lets shake–a–leg (Let’s get on with it).

AN AUSSIE OUTBACK NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS; THERE WASN’T A SOUND. NOT A POSSUM WAS STIRRING IN BETHLEHEM’S TOWN. THE INN KEEPER’S TABLE HAD TUCKER AND BEER. BUT OUT IN THE STABLE, MARY’S BABY WAS NEAR; IF IT HAPPENED IN OUTBACK AUSTRALIA TODAY ON A HOMESTEAD UP NORTH, AND SO FAR AWAY WITH GOANNAS AND EMUS AND RED DIRT AND DUST WHERE CARS AND MACHINERY ARE COVERED IN RUST WHERE CROCODILES SNAP AND DEADLY SNAKES HISS I’VE GOT A FEELING IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE THIS… ON A HOT CHRISTMAS EVE, WE’D BE SAFE IN OUR BEDS, WHILE DREAMS OF PAVLOVA DANCE ROUND IN OUR HEADS; MUM IN HER NIGHTIE, AND DAD IN HIS SHORTS, WOULD HAVE JUST SETTLED DOWN TO WATCH TV SPORTS, AS THE KANGAROOS GATHER OUT ON THE PLAIN AND A KOOKABURRA LAUGHS IN THE GUM TREE AGAIN THE RED DOG STOPS BARKING. THE SKY’S PINK AND BLUE WE CAN HEAR DISTANT SOUNDS OF A DIDGERIDOO THEN UP IN THE NIGHT’S SKY A STAR SHINES SO BRIGHT; LOUD VOICES OF PRAISE WAKE US UP WITH A FRIGHT. WE RUN TO THE SCREEN DOOR, PEEK CAUTIOUSLY OUT, SNEEK ONTO THE DECK, TO FIND WHAT IT’S ABOUT. GUESS WHAT HAD WOKEN US UP FROM OUR SNOOZE, BUT A WHOLE HOST OF ANGELS DECLARING GOOD NEWS. AND ONE OF THEM STANDING ABOVE A GUM TREE, SAID THE SAVIOUR WAS BORN AND TOLD US WHERE HE WOULD BE. NOW, I’M TELLING THE TRUTH. IT’S ALL DINKI-DI. THOSE HEAVENLY ANGELS FILLED UP THE SKY. ONE LOOKED AT US KIDS, HIS WINGS WERE LIKE FLAMES, AND HE SPOKE TO US ALL AND CALLED OUT OUR NAMES. NOW, DAVO, NOW BAZZA, NOW, KYLIE AND SHANE! ON MAGGIE! ON SHAZZA! ON, STEVO AND WAYNE! GO TO THE KITCHEN, GRAB A QUICK DRINK, SCOOT DOWN TO THE BARN AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK!’ SO DOWN TO THE BARN IN THE OLD RUSTY UTE WITH HEARTS FULL OF WONDER, ALL OF US SCOOT, WE PARK BY A GUMTREE AND JUMP TO THE GROUND, THEN IN, THROUGH THE WINDOW, WE ALL LOOK AROUND. THERE WERE DROVERS AND SHEARERS, A MAN WITH A BEARD. AND HIS WIFE HAD A BABY WHOM THE WORKMEN REVERED; THEY WORE SINGLETS AND SHORTS, BECAUSE OF THE HEAT. THEY TOOK OFF THEIR HATS AND BOWED AT HIS FEET THE BABY AWOKE AND HIS EYES SIMPLY SHONE! BORN OF A VIRGIN, GOD’S ONLY SON! THREE SWAGMEN ARRIVED FROM FAR EAST OF THE STATION THEY’D BEEN SEARCHING ALL DAY FOR THE KING OF SALVATION A SWAG FULL OF PREZZIES THEY FLUNG FROM THEIR BACKS, AND WITH EVERYONE LOOKING THEY UNDID THEIR PACKS. THEY SPOKE NOT A WORD, BUT BENT DOWN ON ONE KNEE, AND PRESENTED THEIR GOODIES AND GIFTS. THERE WERE THREE… ONE BROUGHT GOLD NUGGETS, A GIFT FOR A KING AND ONE BROUGHT HIM FRANKINCENSE, A STRANGE GIFT TO BRING AND THEN THERE WAS MYRRH FROM THE LAST ONE TO COME, WHEN HE SAW US HE WINKED AND HE HELD UP HIS THUMB; THEN THE ANGELS APPEARED CLEAR OUT OF THE BLUE; FLUNG OUT THEIR WINGS AND PREPARED TO SHOOT THROUGH. THEY BELLOWED OUT LOUD AS THEY SWOOPED PAST THE GATES – ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND GOOD-ON-YA, MATES!’

© by Ross Cochrane

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